We hear a lot about gaslighting, but that’s just one major relationship red flag — there are plenty of others.
Some toxic behaviours might not involve blatant manipulation, but they can still be harmful both to your mental and emotional health, as well as your relationship over time. Here are a few unacceptable actions you should never put up with from a partner. If they’re present in your relationship, call them out immediately and put a stop to them.
1. Constant criticism disguised as “help”
If your partner constantly points out your flaws under the guise of “constructive feedback,” it’s worth paying attention. Criticism that feels relentless or nitpicky can chip away at your confidence and self-esteem. Healthy relationships support growth without making you feel inadequate.
2. Refusing to take accountability
Everyone makes mistakes, but a partner who never admits fault or shifts the blame onto you creates an imbalance. This refusal to take accountability can leave you feeling like every problem is somehow your responsibility. Relationships thrive on shared responsibility and mutual respect.
3. Emotional stonewalling
Stonewalling—shutting down during disagreements or refusing to communicate—isn’t always about being overwhelmed; it can be a way to avoid addressing issues. When one partner consistently checks out, it prevents resolution and leaves the other feeling unheard and alone.
4. Using jokes to hide insults
A partner who makes hurtful comments and brushes them off as “just joking” is crossing a line. While humour has its place, repeatedly using it to disguise insults or dismiss your feelings is toxic. Respect and kindness should never come with a punchline.
5. Keeping you isolated
Subtly discouraging you from seeing friends or family might not feel like gaslighting, but it’s a major red flag. A partner who makes you feel guilty or questions your loyalty for maintaining other relationships is creating unhealthy dependence. They’re also controlling and potentially abusive, so beware.
6. Treating your boundaries as negotiable
Source: Unsplash If you’ve set clear boundaries and your partner constantly pushes against them, it’s a sign they’re not respecting your needs. Healthy relationships honour personal space and limits without trying to blur them for convenience.
7. Turning every issue into a competition
Source: Unsplash When a partner turns disagreements into a win-or-lose situation, it shifts the focus from solving problems to keeping score. Relationships aren’t about one person “winning” but about both people feeling heard and valued.
8. Making you feel like you’re “too much”
Source: Unsplash Dismissive comments about your emotions—like calling you dramatic or oversensitive—can make you feel like your feelings are invalid. A healthy partner will work to understand your emotions rather than minimise them. They don’t have to agree to empathise and accept.
9. Oversharing your private moments
Source: Unsplash If your partner shares personal details about your relationship with other people without your consent, it can feel like a betrayal. Healthy boundaries include respecting the privacy of your shared life together. Some things are — and should be — private.
10. Love-bombing and then pulling away
Source: Unsplash A partner who showers you with affection and attention, only to withdraw suddenly, creates an unstable emotional environment. Living with this push-and-pull dynamic keeps you on edge and can destroy trust over time. Who wants to be in a relationship like that?
11. Making you responsible for their happiness
Source: Unsplash It’s one thing to support your partner, but it’s another to feel solely responsible for their emotional well-being. This dynamic can become draining and unhealthy because no one person should carry the burden of another’s happiness. They have to make their own happiness, just like you.
12. Ignoring your achievements
Source: Unsplash A partner who doesn’t celebrate your successes or downplays your accomplishments might be harbouring insecurity or jealousy. Relationships should be a safe space to cheer each other on, not a competition for attention. There’s enough room for both of you to win — and your partner should want that!
13. Bringing up past mistakes during arguments
Source: Unsplash If your partner constantly rehashes old mistakes, it shows a lack of forgiveness and creates a cycle of unresolved conflict. Healthy communication focuses on the present issue without using the past as a weapon. Either they let bygones be bygones, or you won’t be together for much longer.
14. Being dismissive of your dreams or goals
Source: Unsplash A partner who belittles your ambitions or acts like your dreams don’t matter isn’t supporting your growth. In a healthy relationship, both partners encourage each other’s aspirations, even if they don’t fully understand them. If something’s important to you, it should be important to them too.
15. Keeping you on an emotional rollercoaster
Source: Unsplash Extreme highs and lows in a relationship can leave you feeling emotionally exhausted. A healthy partnership involves stability and consistency, not constant uncertainty about where you stand. You shouldn’t spend every day wondering if things are going to be okay or tumultuous.
16. Using the silent treatment as a weapon
Withholding communication to punish you during arguments can feel like manipulation. The silent treatment creates distance rather than resolution and often leaves one person feeling rejected and hurt. It’s also incredibly immature and makes them seem like a petulant child.
17. Making you feel like everything is your fault
Even without outright gaslighting, a partner who constantly shifts blame onto you is creating an unhealthy dynamic. Accountability is key to a healthy relationship, and no one person should shoulder all the responsibility. Both of you need to own up to your mistakes.
