If being happy feels like too much work, why not commit fully to being miserable?
You might think you’re already doing a pretty good job at it, so this is the easiest path forward. Luckily for you, with the right mindset and a bit of effort, you can ensure a lifetime of grumbling, self-pity, and dissatisfaction. Here’s your 15-step guide to staying miserable for the rest of your life—though for the record, you can simply stop doing these things and start to find joy and gratitude for the one precious life you’ve been given. Your choice!
1. Dwell on the past.
Revisit every mistake, regret, and missed opportunity as often as possible. Replay embarrassing moments in your mind until they feel fresh again. Focus on the “what-ifs” and convince yourself that things could never improve. Holding onto the past ensures that you’re too busy lamenting to enjoy the present.
2. Compare yourself to everyone else.
Spend hours scrolling through social media, convinced everyone has a better life than you. Focus on what they have and what you don’t, whether it’s their dream job, relationship, or perfectly staged brunch photo. Forget that social media is curated—believe every filtered image is real, and let envy eat you alive.
3. Never take responsibility.
Blame everyone else for your problems—your parents, your boss, the weather, or even bad luck. Refuse to see how your own choices might have played a role. By dodging accountability, you’ll ensure you never have to grow, change, or make improvements. Staying stuck in a cycle of helplessness guarantees long-term unhappiness.
4. Avoid gratitude at all costs.
Focus on what’s missing in your life rather than appreciating what you already have. Overlook the small joys, like a sunny day or a kind word, and instead fixate on what’s wrong. Gratitude is a gateway to contentment, so steer clear if you want to keep misery firmly intact.
5. Say yes to everything (and hate it).
Take on every obligation, even when you’re stretched thin, and resent it every step of the way. Prioritise other people’s needs over your own until you’re completely burnt out. Resentment is a key ingredient for misery, so avoid setting boundaries or saying “no” when you need to.
6. Hold pointless, petty grudges.
Nurture every slight and betrayal, letting them fester until they consume you. Replaying arguments and imagining revenge scenarios will keep your bitterness alive and well. Convince yourself that letting go means the other person “wins” and cling to your anger for dear life.
7. Expect the worst in every situation.
Anticipate disaster, even when there’s no evidence to support it. Assume people are out to get you and that nothing good can last. When something good happens, prepare for it to fall apart soon after. This ensures you’re never caught off guard by joy or hope.
8. Stay in your comfort zone.
Refuse to try anything new or take risks, even small ones. Stick to what you know, even if it’s boring or unfulfilling. Growth and change are dangerous—they might lead to happiness—so avoid them at all costs. Stagnation is your best friend if misery is the goal.
9. Overthink everything.
Analyse every conversation, decision, or event until your head hurts. Second-guess yourself endlessly and imagine worst-case scenarios for every choice. The more you dissect, the less time you have to enjoy life, which is ideal for maintaining unhappiness.
10. Chase perfection relentlessly.
Set impossibly high standards for yourself and beat yourself up when you don’t meet them. Never celebrate progress, only perfection. By focusing on what you didn’t do rather than what you did, you can ensure a steady stream of disappointment.
11. Surround yourself with negative people.
Keep company with people who complain constantly, tear people down, and discourage your dreams. Their negativity will fuel your own, creating a perfect echo chamber of discontent. When you’re surrounded by pessimism, it becomes much easier to believe the world is against you.
12. Ignore your health.
Skip exercise, eat poorly, and neglect sleep. Treat self-care as an unnecessary luxury rather than a basic necessity. Feeling physically unwell is an excellent way to amplify mental and emotional misery. Bonus points if you actively sabotage your health by ignoring symptoms or indulging bad habits.
13. Take everything personally.
Assume every comment, action, or decision by other people is a reflection on you. Read too much into harmless remarks and always find a reason to feel insulted. Make it your mission to find hidden meanings in everything and let your feelings simmer for days afterward.
14. Refuse to ask for help.
Struggle in silence, convinced that needing support is a sign of weakness. Reject offers of assistance and avoid reaching out to friends or professionals. By isolating yourself, you’ll ensure your problems feel heavier and more overwhelming.
15. Focus on what you can’t control.
Spend all your energy worrying about things beyond your influence—global issues, other people’s opinions, or unpredictable events. Ignoring what you *can* change ensures you always feel powerless, which is essential to maintaining misery. Let every uncontrollable factor consume your thoughts until nothing else matters. If you’re determined to live a life of unhappiness, this guide should do the trick. But if you’d rather not, consider flipping these steps on their head and watching how your outlook improves. It’s all about perspective—whether you’re chasing misery or avoiding it.
