Not all relationships are built to last, and some are temporary by design.
There’s nothing wrong with casual liaisons or situationships, so long as everyone is on the same page about what’s going on. However, if you think you’re building something real and someone else views you as a rebound, that’s a problem. Here’s how you know someone’s using you to get over someone else.
1. They talk about their ex constantly.
Whether it’s praising their ex to the heavens or painting them as the villain in every story, their past relationship seems to star in every conversation. You could be discussing your favourite pizza toppings, and somehow their ex’s hatred of mushrooms becomes relevant. Constant ex-talk shows they’re still processing their past rather than being present with you. When someone’s living rent-free in their head, there might not be much room for you.
2. The relationship moves at warp speed.
One minute you’re having coffee, the next they’re planning your joint retirement in Costa Rica. They’re pushing for major relationship milestones before you’ve even figured out each other’s middle names. The rush to recreate the comfort of their previous relationship often masks their fear of being alone. When someone’s trying to build Rome in a day, they might be trying to rebuild what they lost rather than create something new.
3. They’re still surrounded by their ex’s stuff.
Their flat looks like a shrine to their previous relationship, complete with photos, gifts, and that half-empty bottle of their ex’s shampoo in the shower. While it’s normal to take time clearing out relationship remnants, an unwillingness to pack away the past might signal they’re not ready for the future. If their space feels like a museum of their last relationship, you might be dating someone who hasn’t fully moved on.
4. Their social media screams, “Look how happy I am!”
Their online presence has suddenly transformed into a highlight reel of their amazing new single life. Every post seems designed to show their ex what they’re missing. The excessive posts about “living their best life” and “never been happier” often mask deeper hurts. When someone’s trying too hard to prove their happiness to the world, they might be trying to convince themselves too.
5. They compare you to their ex constantly.
You’re either getting praised for being “so much better” than their ex, or subtly critiqued for not measuring up. Either way, their ex remains the measuring stick for everything you do. That constant comparison shows they’re viewing your relationship through the lens of their past one. You deserve to be appreciated for who you are, not how you stack up against someone else.
6. Their emotions are a roller coaster.
One day, they’re over the moon about your relationship, the next they’re distant and questioning everything. These dramatic mood swings often reflect their unprocessed feelings about their breakup. When someone’s emotional state changes faster than a traffic light, they might still be working through some major feelings.
7. They’re avoiding all their feelings.
They refuse to discuss anything emotional, treating feelings like they’re radioactive. Every serious conversation gets deflected with jokes or changes in subject. Emotional avoidance often means they’re not ready to deal with the aftermath of their last relationship. When someone’s running from their feelings, they might end up running from yours too.
8. They’re trying to recreate their old relationship.
You find yourself being nudged into activities, habits, or even dress styles that suspiciously match their ex’s preferences. It’s like they’re trying to pour new wine into an old bottle. Their attempt to recreate their past relationship shows they’re not seeing you for who you are. You’re dating someone who might be trying to cast you in a role rather than get to know you.
9. They’re stuck in revenge mode.
Every dating choice seems calculated to make their ex jealous or prove a point. Your relationship feels more like a strategic move than a genuine connection. When someone’s more focused on getting back at their ex than getting to know you, they might be using your relationship as a weapon rather than looking for a real connection.
10. They’re allergic to future plans.
While they’re happy to hang out in the present, any mention of the future sends them into panic mode. They keep things firmly in the here and now, avoiding any discussion of where this might be heading. Their resistance to future planning often indicates they’re not ready to imagine a new long-term relationship.
11. They’re perfectly fine immediately.
Source: Unsplash They claim to be completely over their ex, despite having ended a significant relationship five minutes ago. Such instant recovery often masks deeper, unprocessed feelings. When someone skips the grieving process entirely, those feelings tend to pop up later, usually at inconvenient moments.
12. They’re overly concerned with appearances.
Source: Unsplash Everything about your relationship seems staged for an audience, from perfectly posed social media photos to strategic appearances at places their ex might be. Their focus is more on how things look than how they feel. When someone’s more concerned with the optics of moving on than actually moving on, they might not be ready for a real relationship.
13. They treat you like a therapist.
Source: Unsplash Your dates feel more like counselling sessions as they process their breakup with you. While it’s normal to discuss past relationships, there’s a difference between sharing and therapy. When you find yourself playing amateur psychologist more than partner, they might need professional help before starting something new.
14. They’re rushing intimacy.
Source: Unsplash Physical connection is being used as a shortcut to emotional intimacy. They push for physical closeness while keeping emotional walls firmly in place. That imbalance often indicates they want comfort rather than connection. When someone’s trying to heal their heart through physical intimacy, they might not be ready for the emotional kind.
