Everyone wants to be happy, but becoming so obsessed with it that it’s all you can focus on is a recipe for disaster.
Sure, your partner should bring a sense of safety, security, and contentedness to your life, but chasing this idea you have in your head of the perfect marriage with joy beyond compare will lead to nothing but the complete opposite — and maybe even divorce. Here’s how you know that your pursuit of happiness is doing a number on your marriage, and not in a good way.
1. You’re expecting your partner to be your sole source of happiness.
It’s wonderful to be happy with your partner, but placing the entire burden of your happiness on them is a recipe for resentment. Instead, nurture other aspects of your life that bring you joy—hobbies, friendships, and solo adventures. This way, your partner becomes a part of your happiness, not the whole picture.
2. You’re always chasing the “perfect” moment.
In trying to create Instagram-worthy moments, you might miss the genuine, imperfect ones that truly matter. Let go of unrealistic expectations and allow space for real connection. Sometimes, the happiest memories are unplanned and unfiltered.
3. You believe happiness should feel constant.
Happiness isn’t a permanent state, and believing it should be can lead to frustration when you experience normal ups and downs. Accept that life has ebbs and flows, and focus on maintaining a stable, supportive relationship rather than an endless high.
4. You’re comparing your marriage to other people’s.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of measuring your relationship against other people’s highlight reels. Remember that every couple has struggles behind closed doors. Focus on what makes your relationship unique rather than competing with unrealistic ideals.
5. You’re putting off happiness until “everything’s perfect.”
If you’re waiting for the stars to align before you allow yourself to feel happy, you might be missing out. Celebrate the small wins and the mundane moments instead of postponing joy for an imaginary perfect future.
6. You’re focused on fixing your partner to feel happier.
Thinking your happiness depends on your partner changing is a slippery slope. Instead, focus on self-improvement and open communication. Sometimes, addressing your own expectations and behaviours is the key to a more fulfilling relationship.
7. You’re forgetting to appreciate what you already have.
Constantly striving for “more” can leave you feeling perpetually unsatisfied. Take time to reflect on the good things in your marriage. Gratitude can shift your perspective and help you realise there’s more happiness than you thought.
8. You’re neglecting the effort part of happiness.
Happiness isn’t always spontaneous; sometimes, it takes conscious effort. If you’re coasting on autopilot, try small gestures like surprise notes, regular date nights, or simple compliments. These little efforts can spark big changes in how happy you feel together.
9. You believe a happy marriage means no arguments.
Conflict doesn’t mean doom; it means you’re two people with different opinions. Instead of fearing arguments, learn to fight fairly and constructively. Healthy disagreements can lead to deeper understanding and, ultimately, a stronger bond.
10. You’re placing too much emphasis on external happiness boosters.
Big holidays, new gadgets, or flashy experiences are fun but fleeting. If you rely too heavily on these to keep your marriage afloat, you might overlook the simple, daily joys. Focus on nurturing intimacy and connection beyond grand gestures.
11. You’re chasing excitement instead of contentment.
Constantly chasing thrills can leave you feeling drained and unsatisfied. Instead, aim for a balance of excitement and quiet contentment. Sometimes, a peaceful evening together is more valuable than chasing the next adrenaline rush.
12. You’re viewing your marriage as a happiness competition.
If you find yourself keeping score—who’s happier, who’s giving more—you’re setting up a lose-lose scenario. Instead, work on being a team. Mutual support and shared goals often lead to more satisfying happiness than rivalry ever could.
13. You’re ignoring the little things that make a big difference.
Small acts of kindness and affection often go further than grand gestures. A quick hug, a kind word, or a spontaneous laugh can infuse your marriage with joy. Don’t underestimate these simple moments.
14. You’re too focused on personal happiness at the expense of shared goals.
Personal growth is important, but if your pursuit of happiness leaves your partner behind, resentment can build. Balance your individual goals with shared dreams. A sense of teamwork often brings a deeper, more lasting happiness.
15. You’re constantly asking yourself if you’re happy.
Sometimes, over-analysing your happiness can make you feel less satisfied. Instead of obsessing over how happy you are, focus on enjoying the present. When you stop scrutinising, you often realise you’re happier than you thought.
