You know how they say, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me?”
That’s not exactly true. The things we say to people can absolutely cause damage, sometimes irreparable. It’s important to think before you speak to ensure you’re not belittling someone or making them feel bad about themselves. That’s why these phrases should never be part of your vocabulary, especially when talking to someone you care about.
1. “You really are far too sensitive.”
Telling someone they’re too sensitive dismisses their feelings and invalidates their experience. It suggests that their emotional response is wrong or over the top. Instead of encouraging healthy dialogue, it shuts them down. A better approach is to listen and try to understand where they’re coming from.
2. “Calm down.”
When someone is upset, telling them to “calm down” usually has the opposite effect. It implies that their feelings are exaggerated or not valid. This often makes people feel dismissed or ridiculed. A more supportive approach would be to ask how you can help or simply listen.
3. “It’s not that big of a deal.”
What might seem small to you could be significant to someone else. Saying this minimises their feelings and makes them feel silly for being upset. Everyone’s experience is different, and brushing off their concerns can make them feel unimportant. Instead, try acknowledging their feelings, even if you don’t fully understand.
4. “You always do this.”
Using “always” in an argument makes the other person feel like they’re defined by one mistake or behaviour. It puts them in a box and ignores any effort they’ve made to change. This kind of blanket statement can leave them feeling hopeless and defensive. Focus on the specific situation instead of making generalisations.
5. “I told you so.”
Even if you were right, pointing it out with “I told you so” adds insult to injury. It comes across as smug and makes the other person feel foolish. This doesn’t help; it just reinforces their mistake. Offering support or a solution is far more constructive than rubbing it in.
6. “Why can’t you just be more like…?”
Comparing someone to another person — whether it’s a sibling, friend, or colleague — is a fast way to make them feel inadequate. It suggests they’re not good enough as they are. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and comparisons only breed resentment. Encouragement works better than pointing out perceived shortcomings.
7. “That’s stupid.”
Calling someone’s idea, opinion, or effort “stupid” is a guaranteed way to make them feel belittled. Even if you don’t agree, dismissing their thoughts so bluntly shows a lack of respect. There are kinder ways to express disagreement. Validating their effort while offering constructive feedback makes a world of difference.
8. “You’re overreacting.”
Telling someone they’re overreacting belittles their feelings and makes them question their own judgment. It can feel like a subtle way of saying their emotions don’t matter. Instead, try asking them to explain how they feel. This shows that you respect their perspective, even if you don’t share it.
9. “Get over it.”
While it might seem like tough love, saying “get over it” dismisses someone’s struggle. It implies that their feelings are a burden or inconvenience. Healing and moving on take time, and everyone processes things differently. A little empathy goes much further than pushing someone to move on too quickly.
10. “You’re not trying hard enough.”
This phrase undermines someone’s efforts and implies they’re lazy or incapable. You might not see the struggle they’re experiencing behind the scenes. Instead of criticising their effort, try offering support or asking if they need help. Encouragement can motivate far more than judgment ever will.
11. “I can’t believe you didn’t know that.”
This statement makes someone feel embarrassed or unintelligent. Not everyone has the same knowledge or experiences, and there’s no shame in not knowing something. Instead of pointing out what they lack, offer to explain or share what you know. Learning should be a positive experience, not a humiliating one.
12. “You’re being dramatic.”
Labelling someone as dramatic diminishes their feelings and makes them feel foolish for expressing themselves. It’s a quick way to shut down communication. Instead of dismissing them, try asking why they feel that way. Listening and validating their feelings can de-escalate the situation more effectively.
13. “It could be worse.”
While it might seem like a way to offer perspective, saying “it could be worse” really dismisses someone’s experience. It implies they have no right to feel upset because other people have it harder. Everyone’s struggles are valid, and comparing them helps no one. A simple “I’m sorry you’re going through this” is often more supportive.
14. “You’re lucky I put up with you.”
This is a subtle form of emotional manipulation. It makes someone feel like they’re a burden and that your patience is a gift they don’t deserve. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, not tolerating each other. A better approach is to discuss concerns honestly, without guilt-tripping.
15. “That’s just how you are.”
When someone is trying to grow or change, saying “that’s just how you are” can feel dismissive and limiting. It implies that they’re stuck and can’t improve, no matter how hard they try. Supporting someone’s growth is far more empowering than boxing them into a fixed idea of themselves.
16. “Nobody else thinks that.”
This invalidates someone’s perspective by making them feel isolated or out of touch. It implies that their feelings or thoughts are wrong because they’re not shared by everyone else. Instead, acknowledge their viewpoint and try to understand it. Respecting someone’s individuality creates connection, not distance.
