Emotions can be uncomfortable and even overwhelming at times, making you want to bury your head in the sand and pretend they don’t exist.
However, ignoring tough feelings won’t magically make them go away — in fact, it could even make them worse. If you want to work through your more difficult emotions so you can move past them, there are a few questions you can ask yourself to give you more insight into what’s going on inside of you and provide guidance on how to go forward.
1. What exactly am I feeling right now?
Pinpointing your emotions is the first step to understanding them. Are you sad, angry, frustrated, or something else entirely? Naming your feelings helps you recognise and validate them, making it easier to address what’s causing them. If you’re unsure, try jotting down a few possibilities and see which resonates most.
2. What happened that triggered this feeling?
Identifying the event, memory, or thought that sparked your emotion can provide important context. Maybe it was a conversation, a stressful situation, or even an old wound resurfacing. Understanding the trigger allows you to see patterns and figure out how to handle similar situations in the future.
3. Is there more than one emotion at play?
Feelings often come in bundles. For example, anger might mask hurt, or sadness might be paired with relief. Taking a moment to explore whether you’re feeling multiple emotions can help you get to the heart of what’s really going on. Emotions are rarely simple, and recognising this can deepen your self-awareness.
4. What is my body telling me?
Your body often reflects your emotions before your mind catches up. Are your shoulders tense, is your heart racing, or do you feel tired? These physical cues can provide insights into your feelings and help you release built-up stress. Acknowledge the signals and take care of yourself—whether that’s through a deep breath, a stretch, or a calming activity.
5. Have I felt like this before?
Sometimes, current feelings echo past experiences. Reflecting on similar moments can offer clues about why you’re reacting the way you are. It might also reveal unresolved issues that are amplifying your response. This question encourages self-reflection and helps you address underlying patterns.
6. What do I need right now?
Understanding your needs can help you move from feeling stuck to taking action. Do you need space, comfort, or support from someone you trust? Identifying your needs makes it easier to meet them, whether that’s through self-care or reaching out to other people.
7. Am I being fair to myself?
We’re often harsher on ourselves than we would be on anyone else. Ask yourself if you’d judge a friend the same way you’re judging yourself. This question helps shift your perspective and reminds you to treat yourself with kindness and understanding.
8. What would I say to a friend feeling this way?
Imagine a close friend is going through the same thing—what advice or comfort would you offer them? This exercise can help you tap into your compassion and apply it to yourself, turning your inner critic into a supportive voice.
9. What’s within my control, and what isn’t?
Difficult feelings often stem from situations that feel overwhelming or out of control. Breaking it down into what you can and can’t change can help you focus your energy where it’s most useful. Accepting what’s beyond your control can be surprisingly freeing.
10. What might this feeling be teaching me?
Emotions, even the uncomfortable ones, often carry valuable lessons. Are they highlighting something you care deeply about, or warning you of a boundary that’s been crossed? Viewing your feelings as messengers can make them easier to process and learn from.
11. How might this look from another perspective?
Shifting your viewpoint can shed new light on a situation. Could someone else see this differently, or are there factors you might be overlooking? Exploring alternative perspectives can help you gain clarity and reduce the intensity of your emotions.
12. Am I catastrophising or making assumptions?
Strong emotions can sometimes lead to worst-case thinking or jumping to conclusions. Take a step back and ask yourself if your thoughts are based on facts or assumptions. Challenging these thoughts can help you feel more grounded and less overwhelmed.
13. What small step can I take to feel better?
Processing feelings doesn’t always mean solving everything at once. Sometimes, a small action—like calling a friend, taking a walk, or journaling—can make a big difference. Focus on one manageable step to help you regain a sense of control and calm.
