Everyone gets caught up in their own “stuff” in life sometimes, but if it becomes a habit, it can take a serious toll on your relationship.
While you don’t need to focus 100% of your attention on your spouse, if all of your focus is on yourself and whatever you’ve got going on, it’s only a matter of time before they start to see you as a bit self-absorbed and even selfish. Here are a few warning signs that your looking out for number one has gone a bit too far, and how to fix it before it messes up your marriage for good.
1. You tend to put your needs before your partner’s.
It’s easy to get wrapped up in your own stuff, but if you constantly put your needs first, it can leave your partner feeling neglected. Relationships are about balance. Try to think about their needs, too—it’s all about finding that give and take. That doesn’t mean you always have to be the one to compromise, but making the effort to check in with each other can go a long way.
2. You don’t listen to your partner’s concerns.
Let’s be real: no one likes feeling ignored. If you’re not paying attention when your partner’s talking about something important to them, it can make them feel unimportant. Try really listening—not just nodding along until you get your chance to talk. It might take a little extra effort, but being present and attentive shows you care, and that goes a long way in building a solid relationship.
3. You avoid compromises or always push for your way.
If you’re always pushing for things to go your way, it can cause unnecessary tension. Compromise is essential. It’s not about always getting your way, but finding solutions that work for both of you. The best relationships are built on give-and-take, so don’t be afraid to bend a little. It’s all part of working as a team!
4. You’re more interested in being ‘right’ than finding solutions.
It can feel pretty satisfying to win an argument, but constantly trying to be ‘right’ gets you nowhere in the long run. The goal in any disagreement should be to find a solution that works for both of you, not to prove you’re the smartest person in the room. When you focus on resolving the issue instead of winning, it keeps the relationship healthier and more cooperative.
5. You rarely show appreciation or express gratitude.
We all get busy, but don’t forget to appreciate the little things your partner does. If you’re taking their efforts for granted, they’re probably noticing. A quick “thank you” or a compliment can make a huge difference in how connected you both feel. Showing appreciation for the small stuff lets your partner know they matter to you, and helps create a more positive, supportive vibe in the relationship.
6. You expect your partner to change while refusing to change yourself.
Change is tough, but if you expect your partner to adjust while you stay the same, that’s not really fair. A relationship works best when both people are willing to grow and adapt. If you notice yourself asking for changes but not being willing to make them yourself, take a step back. Being open to growth on both sides helps create a partnership where you both feel valued and understood.
7. You dismiss or belittle your partner’s emotions.
It’s easy to dismiss someone’s feelings, especially if you don’t understand them. But doing so can make your partner feel small or unheard. Even if their emotions seem overblown, it’s important to acknowledge them. It’s about validating their feelings, not necessarily agreeing with them. A little empathy goes a long way in making your partner feel supported, and that’s crucial for a healthy relationship.
8. You neglect quality time together.
Life gets busy, and sometimes it’s easy to forget that your relationship needs attention too. If you’re constantly doing your own thing and not making time for your partner, it can create distance. It doesn’t have to be anything big—just setting aside time to hang out, chat, or do something together can help you reconnect. Regular quality time reminds you both that the relationship is a priority and that you still enjoy each other’s company.
9. You’re not emotionally available when your partner needs you.
We all have our moments when we’re not at our best, but if you’re frequently unavailable when your partner needs support, it can cause some strain. Being emotionally available means showing up when it matters, even if it’s just for a quick check-in or a hug. When you show your partner you’re there for them, it creates a sense of security and closeness that strengthens your bond.
10. You’re constantly ‘busy’ but never make time for your spouse.
We all say we’re “busy,” but if “busy” is your excuse for not spending time with your partner, it’s worth reconsidering. The truth is, we make time for the things that matter most to us. If your partner is feeling neglected, it’s time to be honest with yourself. Try to make your partner a priority, even in the midst of a hectic schedule. Even simple, spontaneous moments together can do wonders for your connection.
11. You hold grudges and don’t forgive easily.
Holding onto past mistakes can weigh you both down. If you’re the type to keep bringing up old issues, it might be time to let go. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting, but it does mean moving forward. By working on letting go of grudges and focusing on healing together, you can free yourselves from lingering tension and build a stronger foundation for the future.
12. You avoid difficult conversations about your relationship.
No one likes having tough conversations, but avoiding them only creates bigger problems down the road. If there’s something bothering you, it’s best to talk it out. Avoidance leads to misunderstandings and a lack of intimacy. Be open to discussing what’s working and what isn’t. These conversations might not be easy, but they’re necessary for growth and getting closer as a couple.
13. You act like you’re entitled to everything your partner offers.
While it’s natural to expect support from your spouse, acting entitled to their time, effort, or resources isn’t fair. Relationships should be based on mutual respect, not entitlement. Appreciate what they offer, and don’t take it for granted. When you show gratitude and acknowledge their contributions, it creates a healthier, more balanced dynamic between you both.
14. You make everything about ‘me’ instead of ‘we’.
If everything seems to revolve around you and what you want, it can be hard to maintain a healthy relationship. A successful partnership is built on teamwork, where both of you are considered equally important. When you start thinking in terms of “we” rather than “me,” you open up space for better communication and more meaningful connections.
15. You make your partner feel guilty for wanting their own time or space.
Everyone needs their own time, but if you’re making your partner feel guilty for needing a break or pursuing their own hobbies, it’s a problem. Giving each other space is healthy and allows both of you to recharge. Embrace the idea that spending time apart actually strengthens your connection and gives you both the freedom to be yourselves.
