The ability to enjoy your own company is a skill everyone should have.
However, there’s a major difference from using alone time to your advantage and adopting solitude as your default, to the point that you start pushing everyone away for reasons even you can’t explain. Being alone should be comfortable, but if you relate to any of these experiences, you might have become addicted to loneliness and need to find a way to strike a better balance.
1. You avoid making plans even when invited.
When friends or family reach out to hang out, your instinct is to decline, no matter what. Even if you don’t have anything else on, the thought of socialising feels like a chore. It’s okay to need downtime, but consistently saying no can make it harder to stay connected with people. Maybe try saying yes once in a while — you might find that you actually enjoy yourself more than you thought.
2. Socialising feels exhausting before it even begins.
The idea of socialising drains you before you’ve even left the house. Even the thought of having to interact with people feels like it takes more energy than you have. While some anxiety before social events is normal, repeatedly avoiding interactions can make you feel even more isolated. Start with something low-key, like grabbing coffee with a friend, to ease back into things.
3. You rarely pick up when people call.
Does the sight of your phone ringing make you sigh or groan? If you’re regularly avoiding phone calls or texts, it might be because you’re prioritising solitude over relationships. While there’s nothing wrong with needing space, try picking up the phone every now and then — hearing a familiar voice might lift your spirits.
4. You’ve stopped reaching out to people.
When was the last time you made the effort to get in touch with someone? Friendships require both sides to keep things going. If you’re always waiting for someone to reach out to you first, it can cause some distance to form. Reconnecting doesn’t have to be anything huge — sometimes, just sending a quick message to say “hi” or sharing something funny can get the ball rolling.
5. You convince yourself relationships are overrated.
It’s easy to start convincing yourself that you don’t need anyone, especially when you’ve got used to your own company. But deep down, most of us crave connection, and relationships don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. Remind yourself that making an effort to maintain relationships is worth it — it doesn’t always have to be big, grand gestures.
6. Your home feels like a fortress.
Your home has become your safe space where you can shut the world out and feel at peace. But if you find stepping outside an effort, it might be a sign that you’ve got too comfortable in isolation. Even taking small steps like going for a walk or popping out for a coffee can make a world of difference. It’s about balancing your comfort zone with the outside world.
7. You’ve convinced yourself no one understands you.
When you feel misunderstood, it’s easy to retreat into solitude and tell yourself that nobody gets you. But that belief can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Opening up, even just a little, can help people understand you better and make you feel less alone. Start with small conversations; you might be surprised at how much people can relate.
8. You romanticise being the “lone wolf.”
There’s something alluring about being independent and self-sufficient, but when it becomes an excuse to shut people out, that’s when it gets tricky. Needing other people doesn’t make you weak — it’s part of being human. While it’s great to be able to rely on yourself, human connections are just as important for your mental and emotional health. Even your physical health benefits!
9. You avoid places where you might have to interact with people.
You’ve got grocery delivery, online shopping, and self-checkout, so you never need to talk to a cashier or deal with people in person. It’s easy to get used to avoiding human interaction altogether, but this kind of behaviour can isolate you even further. Try to strike a balance between solo activities and engaging with other people, even if it’s just a quick chat with the barista.
10. You find flaws in people to justify staying alone.
It’s easy to pick apart other people’s behaviours or quirks, using them as a reason to justify avoiding socialising. But nobody’s perfect, and constantly focusing on flaws will prevent you from building any real connection. Try to focus on the positives in people instead — what you admire in them, or what makes them interesting. It could make interactions feel more enjoyable and less draining.
11. You’ve stopped sharing your life with people.
When you keep everything to yourself — your ups, downs, wins, and struggles — it can feel isolating. Sharing even small parts of your day can help maintain your connections and remind you that people care. Whether it’s a quick update or sharing a funny story, letting people in is a simple but effective way to feel more connected.
12. You feel proud of how alone you are.
Enjoying being on your own is fine, but when you find yourself bragging about how little you need other people, it might be a sign that you’re overcompensating. Independence is a great thing, but it’s important to recognise that connection and reliance on other people can coexist. Balance is key, and neither extreme is healthy.
13. You struggle to let people in, even when you want to.
The longer you spend alone, the harder it can be to let people in, even if you truly want connection. Vulnerability can be tough, especially if you’ve been on your own for a while. Start small — share something personal or take the first step in reaching out to someone. It gets easier with time, and you’ll find that opening up brings people closer.
14. You feel lonely but don’t know how to change it.
Even if you’re used to being alone, loneliness can still creep in. It can feel confusing when you don’t know how to break the cycle. Acknowledge that feeling, and take small steps to reconnect, whether it’s joining a group, reaching out to someone, or just trying something new that gets you out of your comfort zone.
