As your kids grow up and become adults, your relationship with them inevitably changes.
They become their own whole, unique people, and it’s easy to start to feel like you don’t really know them anymore. Of course, one of the best ways to stay connected and learn more about who they’ve become is by asking the right questions. They’ll solidify your bond and give you a bit more insight into the way they think the values they have, and the experiences they go through on a daily basis. Here are a few to try the next time you’re having a chat with your adult child.
1. What’s something you’ve learned recently that surprised you?
This question is a great way to get your adult child thinking about what’s been on their mind. Whether it’s something work-related, personal, or a random fact, it opens up a conversation that might reveal a new interest or an unexpected change in their thinking. It also gives them the chance to share things that might not come up in the day-to-day chatter.
2. If you could live anywhere in the world for a year, where would it be and why?
Dreaming about living somewhere new can uncover so much about your child’s desires, passions, or curiosity. Maybe they’ve been dreaming of moving to a big city, living near the coast, or immersing themselves in a completely different culture. It’s about more than just a place—it’s also about what experiences they’re craving and what kind of lifestyle speaks to them right now.
3. What’s one goal you’re working towards right now?
This one shows you where their focus is. Are they trying to grow in their career, pick up a new skill, or maybe just working on their own mental or physical health? It’s an opportunity for them to talk about what matters most to them at the moment and for you to support them in their efforts.
4. What’s the most valuable lesson you’ve learned from your friendships?
Friendships often shape who we are, so asking about them can give you a glimpse into how your child views relationships. It might also reflect what they value in other people and what they’ve learned about trust, loyalty, and support as they’ve grown older. Plus, it’s a great way to hear about how they’ve dealt with social dynamics as an adult.
5. What’s something you’re really proud of but don’t talk about much?
We all have those quiet victories—things we’re proud of, but don’t necessarily share with everyone. Asking this one helps bring those hidden gems to light and gives your child the chance to celebrate themselves a little. It could be a personal accomplishment, an internal change, or something they’ve done for someone else.
6. If you had a free day with no responsibilities, how would you spend it?
This is a fun way to get them talking about what truly makes them happy, without the pressures of daily life. It might surprise you what they choose—whether it’s time spent in nature, getting lost in a hobby, or just binge-watching their favourite shows. Their answer might give you a new perspective on what they need to feel recharged.
7. What’s something you wish you could change about the world?
This one invites a deeper conversation about what your adult child cares about and what they want to see shift in society. Whether it’s a political issue, environmental concern, or a social justice cause, it shows you the values that drive them and what they’re passionate about.
8. What’s your favourite memory from our time together when you were growing up?
Source: Unsplash It’s nice to reminisce, and hearing about what your child remembers fondly can give you insight into what meant the most to them. Maybe it’s a trip you took, or a simple evening spent together. Their answer can be a beautiful reminder of the bond you’ve shared and the memories that still live in their heart.
9. How do you handle stress or tough situations?
Everyone handles pressure differently, and understanding how your child copes with stress can help you support them better. Maybe they’ve developed new strategies since they were younger, or they’ve learned to lean on their support system more. Either way, this gives you a deeper look at their emotional toolkit and what they need when life gets tough.
10. What’s the most exciting thing you’ve done in the past year?
We all want to hear about the cool stuff our kids are up to! This question helps bring those stories to the surface, whether it’s an adventure, a new hobby, or just something that felt life-changing. It shows you what they find thrilling or fulfilling and can open up a conversation about what they’re excited to pursue next.
11. What values are most important to you in life?
You might think you already know the answer to this, but it’s still worth asking. Understanding what drives your adult child is key to understanding their perspective on life. Maybe they’ve realised how important honesty or loyalty is, or perhaps they’re focusing on work-life balance. Knowing their core values lets you see how they’ve evolved and what principles guide their decisions.
12. What’s something you’ve always wanted to learn or try but haven’t yet?
This taps into their unfulfilled dreams or long-term goals. It could be something personal like learning an instrument, or something more practical like taking a cooking class. It opens up the door for future dreams and aspirations they might not have shared with you yet.
13. How do you define success in your own life?
Success doesn’t look the same for everyone, and understanding what it means to your child can help you appreciate their journey. Whether it’s finding balance, reaching career goals, or simply feeling fulfilled, their definition of success reflects how they’re navigating adulthood.
14. What’s one thing you think could improve your daily life?
This gives your adult child the chance to share any struggles or desires they may have regarding their daily routine. It could be something practical—like better time management—or something more personal, like prioritising mental health. Asking this opens the door to a supportive conversation about how you can help them make improvements in their life.
