It’s almost cliche at this point, that’s how much it’s talked about, but that’s probably because it’s true: trust really is the foundation of any good relationship.
Without it, you can’t really feel safe enough to be vulnerable with someone, let them get close to you, or even settle into the relationship feeling confident that the other person has your best interests at heart and would never purposely do anything to hurt or betray you. It’s a tall order, and one that’s made even harder by going through certain experiences in your past that either dent or totally destroy your ability to trust someone. If you’ve been through any of these things in the past, it makes sense that you’re much more cautious and sceptical in relationships of all kinds. However, you can’t enjoy emotional intimacy without trust, so it may be time to work on these issues.
1. Betrayal by a close friend or family member
When someone you’ve trusted with your whole heart, like a close friend or family member, lets you down, it stings in a way that’s hard to shake. Whether it’s a lie, a betrayal of your trust, or just a broken promise, the damage it does can last. It doesn’t just affect that one relationship; it can make you hesitant to trust anyone in the future. The feeling of being let down by someone close to you is enough to make anyone wary of letting anyone else in again.
2. Childhood emotional neglect
Not getting the emotional support you needed growing up can leave you with deep-rooted trust issues. If the people who were supposed to love and nurture you were inconsistent or didn’t show up emotionally, it can leave you feeling like you can’t rely on anyone. When that sort of emotional neglect happens in childhood, it can affect how you build relationships as an adult. The trust that should have been built then was never fully developed, making it harder to trust people later on in life.
3. Being cheated on (maybe even multiple times)
Cheating is one of the hardest things to get over, especially if you’ve experienced it in a relationship. When a partner betrays you like that, it’s not just the heartbreak that gets to you; it’s the sense of being lied to and deceived. If you’ve been cheated on, it can make trusting anyone in future relationships feel impossible. There’s a constant fear that the same thing will happen again, and the emotional damage it causes can leave a lasting mark on your ability to truly connect with someone in a healthy, trusting way.
4. Repeated disappointments or broken promises
If you’ve been let down time and time again, whether by friends, family, or colleagues, it starts to wear you down. Broken promises and unfulfilled commitments can slowly chip away at your trust in people. When someone repeatedly fails to follow through on their word, it leaves you feeling like you can’t count on anyone. It’s hard to open up and trust someone when you’ve experienced nothing but disappointment in the past. It builds a pattern of doubt and suspicion that’s hard to break.
5. Being manipulated or gaslighted
When someone manipulates you or tries to make you doubt your own reality, it completely messes with your ability to trust anyone. Gaslighting can be incredibly damaging to your sense of self and your judgement. It’s not just about losing trust in that one person; it can lead to a deeper mistrust of everyone around you. You start to wonder if people are being honest with you, or if they’re just trying to twist the truth for their own gain. It takes time and a lot of healing to undo the damage that kind of emotional abuse causes.
6. A parent’s betrayal or broken trust
Trusting a parent should be one of the easiest things in the world, but when that trust is broken, whether through neglect, broken promises, or even abandonment, it can cause lasting harm. A parent is supposed to be the one person you can rely on, but if that bond is shattered, it can affect how you view relationships for the rest of your life. If your primary caregivers were unreliable, you may find it hard to trust anyone else, particularly in intimate relationships where vulnerability is key.
7. Witnessing a betrayal in a close relationship
It’s not always about experiencing betrayal yourself. Watching someone else go through it — like seeing a parent cheat or a close friend betray someone else — can leave scars that impact your own ability to trust. When you witness someone else being hurt or deceived, it shakes your faith in relationships. You start to wonder if betrayal is something that happens to everyone, even if you weren’t the one directly affected. It can make it hard to believe that people won’t let you down.
8. Being let down by people in positions of authority
Sometimes, it’s the people who are supposed to guide and protect us who end up letting us down. Whether it’s a teacher, a boss, or even a mentor, being disappointed by an authority figure can have a long-lasting impact. If someone in a position of power breaks your trust, whether through mistreatment, lies, or just failure to support you, it can make you wary of trusting anyone in a similar role in the future. It can also make you question your own ability to trust your judgement when it comes to picking the right leaders or role models.
9. Unresolved trauma from past relationships
When emotional wounds from previous relationships go unaddressed, they don’t just disappear. Whether it’s a romantic relationship that ended badly or a friendship that fell apart, unresolved trauma can follow you into new connections. You might carry that hurt with you, and it can prevent you from fully trusting someone new, even if they haven’t given you any reason to doubt them. The past has a funny way of lingering and influencing how you approach relationships moving forward.
10. Financial betrayal or scams
Trust doesn’t just apply to emotional bonds; it’s also about feeling secure in practical matters, like money. If you’ve been taken advantage of financially, it can make it really hard to trust anyone with your resources. The feeling of being scammed or betrayed over money can make you question everyone’s intentions, even the ones closest to you. It doesn’t matter how trustworthy someone seems; financial betrayal can plant seeds of doubt that are hard to remove.
11. Abandonment or rejection by a loved one
Being rejected or abandoned by someone you care about can leave you feeling unworthy of love or trust. If someone you trusted has walked away from you, it can create a deep fear of being left again. That fear can hold you back from fully trusting anyone else because you worry that the same thing will happen all over again. The emotional impact of abandonment can stay with you for years and affect your ability to open up to people.
12. Uncertainty or instability in childhood
If your childhood was marked by instability, it can make it tough to trust people as an adult. When the environment you grew up in was unpredictable, it’s hard to feel secure in relationships later on. You might always feel like things could fall apart at any moment, and that fear can prevent you from trusting anyone. A lack of stability in childhood often leads to a fear of instability in adulthood, making it harder to trust that things will work out the way you hope.
13. Chronic criticism or emotional invalidation
Constant criticism or being emotionally invalidated, especially in your formative years, can have a huge impact on your trust in people. When your feelings are dismissed, belittled, or criticised all the time, it makes you question whether anyone’s intentions are genuine. You start to wonder if people are really being honest with you, or if they’re just setting you up for failure. If you’ve grown up in an environment where nothing you did was ever good enough, it can make trusting anyone seem impossible because you’re always waiting for the next bit of criticism or rejection.
