Loneliness is incredibly isolating and often overwhelming, leaving those who suffer from it feeling completely defeated and alone.
However, struggling with this feeling is more common than you think, and it’s also more possible to overcome than you might believe. While the reasons for your loneliness might be different from other people’s, there are also elements to the experience that you may not realise — and that could affect your ability to come to terms with it and ultimately feel better. The next time you’re feeling disconnected from everything around you, remember these things.
1. You might be isolating yourself without realising it.
Sometimes, loneliness isn’t just something that happens to you—it’s something you unintentionally create by withdrawing from everyone. People who struggle with loneliness often become accustomed to being alone and start avoiding social opportunities, thinking that they’re protecting themselves. In reality, self-isolation only deepens the feeling of loneliness. Realising that you’re withdrawing from life, even if it feels easier, can be the first step in reconnecting with the people and larger world around you.
2. You’re not alone in your loneliness.
It’s easy to feel like you’re the only one dealing with loneliness, but the truth is that so many people feel the same way. In fact, according to the Campaign to End Loneliness, roughly 50% of people say they feel lonely sometimes, while a little over 7% experience it chronically. In other words, millions of people are too scared or ashamed to talk about it. Recognising that other people share this experience can help you feel less isolated and more connected. Opening up to people about how you’re feeling can create meaningful connections and remind you that loneliness is a shared human experience.
3. You may be expecting other people to reach out first.
It’s natural to hope that someone else will notice your loneliness and reach out to you, but this often doesn’t happen. People are busy with their own lives and might not be aware that you’re struggling. By taking the initiative and reaching out yourself, you take control of the situation. It’s empowering to make the first move and can lead to meaningful interactions that help ease your loneliness.
4. Your loneliness doesn’t define you.
Many people who struggle with loneliness internalise the feeling, thinking that it’s a reflection of who they are. It becomes part of their identity. But loneliness is a temporary feeling, not a permanent state. It doesn’t define your worth or who you are as a person. Recognising that loneliness is something you feel, but not something that defines you, can be freeing and help you separate your emotions from your self-image.
5. You might be focusing too much on what you don’t have.
When you’re lonely, it’s easy to focus on the lack of relationships or the absence of social connections. But that focus can make the loneliness feel worse. Shifting your attention to what you do have—whether it’s personal achievements, hobbies, or meaningful experiences—can help shift your mindset. Gratitude for the positives in your life can soften the sharp edges of loneliness and bring balance back to your perspective.
6. Loneliness can be a sign that something needs to change.
Loneliness often signals that something in your life needs to change—whether it’s your routine, your mindset, or your social circle. It’s a sign that you’re craving connection or a deeper sense of purpose. Instead of seeing loneliness as something to dread, look at it as a call to explore new opportunities. It’s your mind’s way of pushing you to expand your horizons and build the connections that truly nourish you.
7. You’re more likely to connect with people than you think.
People who struggle with loneliness often believe they’re unapproachable or that other people won’t be interested in connecting, and that belief can be self-fulfilling. The reality is that many people are just waiting for an opportunity to connect. You may be more approachable than you think—smiling, making eye contact, or even starting small conversations can open doors to new connections and break the cycle of loneliness.
8. You might be ignoring the relationships you already have.
Sometimes, loneliness stems from not nurturing the relationships already in your life. Whether it’s family, friends, or acquaintances, the connections around you might not be as strong as they could be because you’re not actively engaging with them. Reaching out, sending a message, or making plans to spend time together can breathe new life into these relationships, helping to combat loneliness and create a stronger sense of community.
9. Social media isn’t a true substitute for real connection.
While social media can help keep you connected, it often doesn’t provide the real, meaningful interactions that can reduce loneliness. It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing your life to the good stuff other people put on social media, which only amplifies feelings of isolation. Spending too much time online can make you feel disconnected, as it doesn’t satisfy the deep human need for authentic, face-to-face interactions. Real connections come from quality time with other people, not just likes and shares.
10. You may be ignoring the opportunity for self-compassion.
Loneliness can make you critical of yourself, especially when you feel like you’re missing out on social connections. However, all that negative self-talk only makes you feel worse. Practising self-compassion can help you acknowledge your feelings without judgement. Recognising that it’s okay to feel lonely and giving yourself the kindness you need will prevent loneliness from deepening into self-blame or shame.
11. You’re waiting for other people to understand your feelings first.
While it’s tempting to expect everyone to understand how you feel without you having to explain it, it often leads to disappointment. People may not recognise your loneliness, and waiting for them to intuitively understand only adds to the feeling of isolation. Expressing how you feel is key to building connections. The more you share, the more likely you are to find people who understand and support you.
12. You might be ignoring your own needs for connection.
Sometimes, loneliness is a result of not recognising your own need for emotional connection. You might spend so much time trying to be independent or manage on your own that you ignore the fact that human beings need social interaction to thrive. Acknowledging your need for connection is the first step in letting people into your life. Reaching out and accepting help from other people is a must when it comes to breaking the cycle of loneliness.
13. You might not realise how much loneliness is affecting your mental health.
Loneliness isn’t just an emotional issue—it can also impact your mental health. People who struggle with loneliness may not always recognise its effect on their mood, stress levels, or overall well-being. Prolonged loneliness can lead to depression, anxiety, and other health issues. Acknowledging the impact loneliness has on your mental state is the first step in addressing it and looking for ways to combat it, whether through professional help or connecting with other people.
14. Your loneliness can push you to be more resilient.
While loneliness can feel overwhelming at times, it can also build resilience. People who experience loneliness often develop coping mechanisms and strength to get through difficult moments. They learn how to comfort themselves and become more self-sufficient. All that inner strength can be empowering, helping you emerge from periods of loneliness with greater emotional resilience and an enhanced ability to connect with people in the future.
15. You’re not stuck in loneliness forever.
It can feel like loneliness will never end, but that’s not true. It’s a phase that, with time and effort, can shift into something more positive. The key is recognising that your feelings don’t define your future. By taking small steps to reach out to people, practising self-compassion, and being patient, you’ll gradually create the meaningful connections you’re craving. Loneliness doesn’t have to be a permanent state—it’s just one chapter in your story.
