Most conversation around postnatal depression is centred around new mums.
That makes sense, especially since it affects one in 10 women in the UK, according to the NHS. However, it’s not just women who can suffer from the condition — dads can be affected too. The transition to fatherhood is a major life change, and it can take a toll on their mental health in unexpected ways. Spotting the signs early can make a huge difference in providing support so that they can overcome their feelings of helplessness, depression, and disconnection. These are a few key indicators to watch for and how to address them if you do notice them in a new dad in your life.
1. Constant mood swings
You know when someone seems to get annoyed over things they wouldn’t usually care about, or they’re acting a bit withdrawn for no clear reason? That’s something to keep an eye on. If someone is more easily irritated or seems emotionally unpredictable, it could be a sign that something deeper is going on. These mood swings tend to stick around and get worse if they aren’t addressed. The best way to handle this? Just listen. Create a space where they can vent without feeling judged. Sometimes, the simple act of acknowledging those feelings can take a load off.
2. Losing interest in things they used to love
It’s normal for hobbies to go on the back burner for a bit when a new baby arrives, but when someone stops doing things they once loved or even dreads the thought of them, it can be a sign that something’s off. Whether it’s putting off seeing friends or even not watching the footy like they used to love to do, that withdrawal is often linked to emotional disconnection. If you notice this happening, try suggesting something low-pressure to help them ease back into those hobbies. Whether it’s a walk outside, catching up with their mates at the pub, or revisiting a favourite book, it might be just the nudge they need to rediscover a bit of happiness.
3. Struggles to bond with the baby
The pressure to immediately bond with a newborn can be overwhelming. Not everyone feels that instant connection, and that can lead to feelings of guilt or confusion. If a dad feels disconnected from the baby, it can start a cycle of negative thoughts about his role. Encourage him to spend a bit of one-on-one time with the baby, whether it’s talking to them, playing, or simply being present. Remind him that bonding takes time, and it’s different for everyone. It’s not a race.
4. Exhaustion that goes beyond the usual tiredness.
Sleep deprivation is a given with a new baby, but when someone just can’t seem to shake off the exhaustion—no matter how much sleep they get—it can point to emotional strain. If they’re sleeping more than usual to avoid stress or feeling completely drained despite resting, it’s a good idea to offer some help around the house or take a shift with the baby. Little changes like splitting up responsibilities can make a world of difference. Sometimes, just letting them know you’re there and available to help is enough to take some weight off.
5. Noticeable changes in eating habits
When someone’s appetite changes — whether they’re eating way more than usual or can’t find the energy to eat at all — it’s often a sign that something’s up. Stress and anxiety can throw eating habits out of whack, and these changes can have a long-term effect on physical health. If you see this becoming an issue, gently point it out and offer some support. Maybe you can suggest cooking something together, or even just enjoy a meal as a family. Sharing meals and taking a mindful approach to eating can help restore a bit of balance.
6. Feeling like he’s never doing enough
New parents often feel like they’re falling short, no matter how hard they try. If a dad is constantly doubting himself or thinking he’s not good enough, it’s usually because of unrealistic expectations or the pressure to measure up to other parents they know. A good way to help is by validating his efforts. Celebrate the small wins and remind him that there’s no such thing as a perfect parent. We’re all just doing our best, and he’s no exception.
7. Avoiding shared responsibilities
When the weight of parenting feels too heavy, some might retreat and avoid helping out. It’s not because they don’t care — it’s more that they’re overwhelmed or don’t know where to start. Breaking tasks down into smaller steps and offering support can help them feel more in control. Recognising their efforts—no matter how small—can help them feel more capable and reduce that sense of helplessness.
8. Frustration with daily life
When a dad snaps over small things, like a misplaced item or a minor inconvenience, it can be a sign of deeper emotional fatigue. Their frustration can often be misread as short-temperedness, but it’s more likely that stress is taking its toll. If this starts happening, offering a space to talk about what’s on their mind can make a difference. By listening without judgment and offering understanding, you create an environment where healthier communication can happen.
9. Pulling away from loved ones
If you notice that someone is becoming emotionally distant from their partner or family, it’s worth paying attention to. They might seem less involved, avoid physical closeness, or simply struggle to express affection. That distancing often happens because they don’t want to burden others with their struggles, or because they’re feeling disconnected. Rebuilding that closeness takes time and patience. Encourage conversations about what they’re going through without pressure, and remind them that they don’t have to go through this alone.
10. Feeling hopeless
If a dad starts saying things like “It’s never going to get better” or “I don’t know how I’m going to manage,” it’s a serious red flag. Those feelings of hopelessness are often linked to the fear of not living up to expectations, and if left unaddressed, they can spiral into deeper despair. In this case, professional help is essential. A therapist or support group can offer tools and coping strategies to work through these tough thoughts. Let them know that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, but a step toward feeling better.
