Everyone gets insecure sometimes, but some people just can’t seem to shake those feelings of self-consciousness and low self-worth.
They might think they hide it well enough, but women whose insecurities rule their lives tend to show just how little they think of themselves in the things they do and the way they interact with other people. If you notice a woman in your life with these habits — or if you’re guilty of any of them yourself — it’s important to recognise them as signs of low self-esteem. Hopefully, they (or you!) will find ways to improve that moving forward — every woman deserves to feel amazing because they are!
1. They dismiss compliments outright.
When someone’s insecure, compliments often don’t land the way they should. Instead of feeling good about them, they might quickly downplay the praise, thinking they don’t deserve it. It can happen whether the compliment’s about their looks, achievements, or personality. Deep down, they may struggle with feeling unworthy of positive attention, even if it’s genuine. It’s not that they don’t appreciate the gesture, but they just can’t seem to internalise the positive feedback. Rather than soaking it in, they’ll brush it off, maybe with something like, “Oh, it’s nothing,” or “I got lucky.” Unfortunately, it’s a habit that makes it harder to build confidence because it keeps reinforcing the belief that they aren’t worthy of recognition. The next time someone gives you a compliment, try saying “Thank you” without overthinking it. You might feel a bit awkward at first, but practising acceptance helps you get comfortable with owning your worth and embracing what other people see in you.
2. They constantly seek external validation.
Ever find yourself constantly checking in with other people about your choices, appearance, or actions? For someone struggling with insecurity, external validation becomes a way to feel “safe” in their decisions. It’s like they need everyone else to give them the thumbs-up before they feel confident about their choices. Instead of trusting their own judgement, they rely on other people’s to feel secure. It’s an exhausting cycle that prevents true self-trust from developing. While getting advice from friends or family is normal, constantly needing approval can keep you from feeling like you’re enough. When you stop relying on anyone else for validation and start trusting your gut, that’s when you’ll begin to feel more in control. You don’t need to ignore other people’s opinions or perspectives, but you should try to find a balance between listening to them and listening to yourself. Confidence comes when you feel sure in your own decisions without needing someone else to say you’re “doing it right.”
3. They do anything they can to avoid confrontation.
Many insecure people are terrified of confrontation. Whether it’s with a friend, a family member, or a colleague, the idea of conflict can make them freeze. The fear is often rooted in the worry that speaking up will lead to rejection, criticism, or being seen as difficult. So, instead of confronting the issue, they bottle up their feelings. Over time, this can lead to resentment or passive-aggressive behaviour, which only makes things worse. Of course, avoiding confrontation doesn’t make the issue go away—it just lets it grow. If you keep ignoring problems, they’ll keep resurfacing in different ways. Addressing issues head-on can be uncomfortable, but it’s a crucial skill for maintaining healthy relationships and preserving your own mental peace. By learning to communicate openly and assertively, you’ll feel more empowered and build stronger connections with other people.
4. They compare themselves to other people all the time.
It’s natural to compare yourself to other people from time to time, but when you’re insecure, this tendency can become a major source of stress. Whether it’s comparing your appearance, your career, or your relationships, it often leads to feelings of inadequacy. In a world where social media highlights the best moments of everyone’s life, it’s easy to feel like you’re falling short. The thing is, comparisons usually don’t tell the whole story. What you see isn’t always the truth, and it doesn’t take into account the unique circumstances of your own life. Instead of letting comparisons drive you crazy, try shifting your focus to your own growth. Take pride in your own progress and appreciate your personal journey. Everyone has their own timeline, and your worth doesn’t depend on where anyone else is in their life. Recognising that your value is not measured by anyone else’s success will help you feel more at peace with who you are and where you’re headed.
5. They apologise non-stop, even for things that aren’t their fault.
When you’re insecure, it can feel like you’re constantly in the wrong, even when you’re not. It might seem easier to apologise for everything than risk someone thinking you’ve made a mistake or upset them. Women who feel insecure often apologise for things they don’t even need to say sorry for—like existing or taking up space. All that excessive apologising can come from a fear of being judged or disliked, but it’s also a sign of deeper self-doubt. The problem with over-apologising is that it weakens your sense of self and makes people feel like you don’t value yourself. You don’t need to apologise for being yourself, having needs, or taking time for yourself. Learning to say “I’m sorry” only when necessary and not for every little thing will help you start asserting your boundaries and developing a stronger sense of self-respect.
6. They constantly overthink situations.
Overthinking is one of those habits that can completely drain your energy, especially if you’re insecure. Whether it’s replaying conversations, second-guessing decisions, or worrying about what people think of you, the mental gymnastics can be exhausting. It comes from the fear of being wrong, making a mistake, or being judged. It’s a way of trying to control situations that, in reality, are often out of your hands. The more you overthink, the harder it becomes to trust your instincts and make decisions confidently. If you’re constantly stuck in the loop of “what ifs” and self-doubt, it can be paralysing. Try practising mindfulness and learning to live in the present moment. Sometimes, taking a step back and letting go of the need to control every outcome will bring clarity. It’s okay to make mistakes and not have everything figured out—what matters is that you keep moving forward.
7. They suppress or compartmentalise their emotions.
Insecure women sometimes bottle up their emotions because they don’t want to be seen as weak or overly sensitive. Instead of allowing themselves to feel and express what’s going on inside, they keep everything locked away. This can create a cycle of emotional overwhelm, where feelings of sadness, anger, or frustration pile up and cause more harm than good. It’s important to allow yourself to feel your emotions, even if it feels uncomfortable. Suppressing feelings only intensifies them over time. Expressing your emotions—whether through journaling, talking to someone, or simply giving yourself space to cry—can be a healthy way to release emotional tension. Embracing your feelings is a step toward understanding yourself better and breaking free from the cycle of self-doubt.
8. They avoid taking risks.
Insecurity often leads to a fear of failure, which can make it hard to take risks. Whether it’s a career change, a new relationship, or even just trying something new, the fear of making a mistake can be overwhelming. So instead of stepping out of their comfort zone, insecure people may hold back, staying stuck in situations that don’t allow for growth. Risk-taking is a key part of personal development. It can be scary, but it’s also how we grow. Embracing small risks and learning from the outcome, whether good or bad, helps build confidence. The more you practice stepping out of your comfort zone, the less intimidating it becomes, and the more you’ll begin to realise your own strength.
9. They find it hard to accept help.
Insecure women often feel like they should be able to handle everything on their own. Accepting help from people can feel like a sign of weakness or failure, leading them to push people away when they offer support. The tendency to carry everything by themselves can result in burnout and unnecessary stress. However, accepting help is a strength, not a weakness. Recognising that you don’t have to do everything alone—and that asking for support is a healthy and brave thing to do—can lift a significant weight off your shoulders. It’s important to remember that no one can do it all, and reaching out for help is a natural part of living in community and taking care of your well-being.
10. They put other people’s needs above their own.
Insecurity can cause women to prioritise everyone else’s needs over their own, often to the detriment of their mental and emotional health. They might feel like they need to prove their worth by being the “caretaker” or the “fixer,” putting everyone else’s needs before their own in an effort to gain love or validation. While being kind and helpful to other people is important, it’s important to strike a balance. Learning to put your own needs first—without feeling guilty—helps to prevent burnout and resentment. Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. Taking care of yourself allows you to be the best version of yourself for other people.
11. They expect perfection in everything.
Perfectionism is a common trait among insecure women. Whether it’s their appearance, work performance, or relationships, they hold themselves to impossibly high standards, believing that they need to be flawless in order to be loved or valued. The pursuit of perfection often comes at the cost of self-compassion and joy. Perfection is an illusion, and constantly striving for it sets you up for disappointment and frustration. Accepting that mistakes and imperfections are part of life can be liberating. Embracing your flaws and learning from your experiences, rather than aiming for perfection, leads to a more fulfilling and peaceful life.
12. They don’t know what it means to set boundaries.
Women who feel insecure often have trouble setting boundaries because they’re terrified of rejection or conflict. They might say “yes” to things they don’t want to do, just to avoid disappointing people or being seen as “difficult.” The lack of boundaries can lead to resentment and burnout. Setting healthy boundaries is crucial to maintaining a balanced life. It’s okay to say no and to put your needs first. Learning to communicate your limits assertively but kindly can improve your relationships and protect your well-being. Remember, healthy boundaries help you preserve your energy and emotional space, and they’re essential to building self-respect.
13. They blame themselves for everything.
Insecure women often take the blame for things that aren’t their fault. Whether it’s a failed relationship or a problem at work, they internalise the situation, believing they must have done something wrong. That tendency to take on blame can destroy self-confidence and prevent them from moving forward. It’s important to remember that not everything is your fault, and sometimes things just happen. Practice self-compassion and learn to separate your sense of self from external circumstances. Acknowledging that mistakes and challenges are part of life can help you develop a healthier, more balanced outlook.
