Not everyone is as reliable as they seem at first, and sometimes, the people we trust the most end up disappointing us.
The worst part is that there are usually early signs — it’s just that we don’t always recognise them until it’s too late. Whether it’s in friendships, relationships, or work situations, recognising early on that someone isn’t going to be there for you when the chips or down or that they’ll break their word without a second thought can save you a lot of time, energy, and heartache. If these things are happening regularly, see them as the red flags they are and act accordingly.
1. They make big promises but rarely follow through.
Source: Unsplash Some people love to talk a big game. They promise the world, make grand gestures, and act like they’ll always be there when you need them. But when the time comes to actually do something, they’re suddenly nowhere to be found. Words mean nothing without action. If someone constantly makes promises but never delivers, take it as a sign that they’re more interested in looking good than actually being dependable. Eventually, they’ll let you down when it matters most.
2. They’re inconsistent with their behaviour.
One day, they’re warm, friendly, and attentive. The next, they’re distant, unresponsive, or acting like you barely exist. If someone’s behaviour is all over the place, it’s a sign that their reliability is just as unstable. People who are genuinely trustworthy are consistent. They don’t act like your best friend one week and a stranger the next. If you constantly feel like you’re guessing which version of them you’ll get, don’t expect them to be there when you truly need them.
3. They struggle with basic accountability.
People who can’t own up to their mistakes or take responsibility for their actions are the same ones who will let you down and blame you for it. If they’re constantly making excuses, shifting blame, or acting like nothing is ever their fault, it’s a major red flag. Accountability is a key part of reliability. If they can’t admit when they’ve messed up, they’ll never take responsibility when they fail you. Instead, they’ll either deny it happened or somehow make it your problem.
4. They refuse to have tough or awkward conversations, even when they’re necessary.
If someone can’t handle tough conversations, they’ll likely let you down when things get complicated. Whether it’s a friend who dodges serious talks, a partner who disappears during conflicts, or a colleague who ignores issues at work, avoiding uncomfortable discussions is a bad sign. People who are reliable don’t run from honesty. If someone always changes the subject, makes jokes to avoid tension, or disappears when things get serious, they’re not someone you can count on when it really matters.
5. They only show up when it benefits them.
It’s easy to be there for someone when there’s something in it for you. But if someone only makes an effort when they’re getting something out of it — whether it’s attention, validation, or personal gain — it’s a clear sign they’ll disappear when the situation doesn’t serve them. Reliable people show up because they care, not because they’re expecting something in return. If someone only makes an effort when it’s convenient, don’t expect them to be around when things aren’t easy.
6. They have a track record of letting people down.
The best way to predict how someone will treat you is by looking at how they’ve treated other people. If they have a history of bailing on people, breaking commitments, or disappointing those close to them, there’s a high chance they’ll do the same to you. People don’t suddenly become reliable overnight. If they’ve repeatedly shown that they struggle with commitment or loyalty, don’t assume you’ll be the exception.
7. They make everything about themselves.
People who are overly self-absorbed tend to be unreliable because they only prioritise their own needs. If every conversation revolves around them, their problems, and their feelings, they likely won’t consider how their actions affect you. When someone is genuinely reliable, they think about other people. If you notice that someone rarely asks about your life or seems uninterested unless it relates to them, don’t expect them to be there for you when you actually need support.
8. They’re bad at keeping secrets or private information.
If someone can’t be trusted with your personal thoughts, they definitely can’t be trusted to support you in bigger ways. Whether it’s gossiping about you, sharing private details you asked them to keep quiet, or making your business public, breaking trust in small ways is a warning sign of bigger letdowns. A reliable person respects boundaries and confidentiality. If someone has a habit of spilling secrets, they’re likely to let you down in even more important ways down the line.
9. They flake on plans without a good reason.
Constantly cancelling plans, backing out last minute, or just not showing up at all is a huge red flag. Life happens, and sometimes plans have to change, but if someone consistently fails to follow through, it’s a sign they’re not reliable. If they can’t be counted on for something as simple as a meet-up, don’t expect them to be there when it really matters. People who respect your time will honour their commitments or at least communicate when things change.
10. They downplay your problems.
If someone dismisses your feelings, brushes off your struggles, or makes you feel like your problems aren’t that important, they’re unlikely to offer real support when you need it. They may act like they care, but when the time comes to actually help, they’ll be nowhere to be found. Reliable people don’t minimise what you’re going through. If someone constantly makes you feel like you’re “overreacting” or being “too sensitive,” they’re probably not the type to step up when you actually need them.
11. They refuse to compromise or meet you halfway.
Good relationships — whether friendships, romantic partnerships, or professional ones — require effort from both sides. If someone always expects you to accommodate them but never puts in the same effort for you, that’s a major sign of unreliability. Reliable people understand that relationships are a two-way street. If they can’t be bothered to meet you halfway in small ways, they’re not going to be dependable when bigger issues arise.
12. They get defensive when called out.
When you bring up something they’ve done wrong, do they listen and try to improve, or do they immediately get defensive? People who can’t handle being called out usually don’t change their behaviour — they just get better at making excuses. Reliable people are open to feedback and willing to grow. If someone reacts badly to constructive criticism or refuses to acknowledge their faults, they’re not someone you can depend on when it really counts.
13. They avoid responsibility whenever possible.
Some people go through life doing the absolute bare minimum. They dodge commitments, avoid responsibility, and never take initiative. If someone refuses to step up in small situations, they’re not going to suddenly be reliable when bigger responsibilities come along. If you notice that someone constantly passes the buck, makes excuses, or avoids being held accountable, don’t expect them to step up when you need them.
14. You have a gut feeling about them.
Sometimes, your instincts pick up on things before your mind fully processes them. If something feels “off” about someone — if you constantly feel like you can’t trust them or that they’re not as reliable as they claim to be — pay attention to that feeling. Your gut is often right. If you keep getting subtle signs that someone isn’t dependable, don’t ignore them. Trusting your instincts can save you from a lot of unnecessary disappointment.
15. They disappear when you need them most.
The biggest warning sign of all? They’re great when everything is fine, but the moment you need real support, they vanish. Whether it’s ignoring messages, making excuses, or suddenly being “too busy,” their absence says everything you need to know. Reliability isn’t about being present when things are easy; it’s about showing up when things are tough. If someone constantly disappears when it matters most, they’re showing you exactly where you stand with them.
