Not all friendships are as genuine as they seem, unfortunately.
Sometimes, people keep you around and act as if they’re your mate when secretly, they actually resent or dislike you. They may not come out and say it, but their behaviour usually reveals the truth anyway — they can’t help it. If someone in your social circle does these things, they’re definitely a fake friend, and you don’t need someone like that in your life. Why they dislike you isn’t for you to figure out or fix; you’re better off accepting it and cutting your losses rather than wasting your time on someone who clearly doesn’t care about or value you.
1. They only reach out when they need something.
When someone only contacts you when they need a favour, it’s a red flag. They might disappear for weeks or months, only to suddenly reappear when they want help, money, or a boost to their social status. Genuine friends make time for you, regardless of whether they need something. Fake friends who secretly dislike you often see the relationship as purely transactional. They may act warm and friendly when they need assistance, but once they’ve got what they wanted, they vanish again. If you notice this pattern, it’s worth reconsidering whether they truly value your friendship.
2. They undermine you with backhanded compliments.
Instead of openly insulting you, fake friends disguise their negativity in so-called compliments. They might say, “You actually look nice today” or “I wish I didn’t care as much as you do about what people think.” These statements are designed to sound positive while subtly putting you down. Genuine friends uplift and encourage, but fake ones make you second-guess yourself. Their compliments often carry a hidden jab, leaving you wondering whether you should feel good or offended. Over time, these remarks can wear down your confidence and make you doubt their sincerity.
3. They exclude you from plans.
Source: Unsplash If you often find out about group outings after they’ve happened, it could be a sign that someone in your circle doesn’t want you there. Fake friends who secretly dislike you may arrange plans without inviting you, hoping you won’t notice. They might even try to justify it with weak excuses. Sadly, their exclusion isn’t always accidental. Sometimes, it’s their way of showing you that you’re not truly part of the group. If you’re always the last to know about social plans, it’s worth considering whether your presence is actually valued or just tolerated.
4. They downplay your achievements.
Instead of celebrating your successes, fake friends minimise or dismiss them. They might say, “Anyone could do that,” or change the subject when you share good news. If they do acknowledge your accomplishments, it’s often with jealousy or indifference. Genuine friends want to see you succeed, but fake ones secretly resent your progress. They may even try to make you feel guilty for achieving something they haven’t. Their inability to be happy for you is a clear sign that their friendship isn’t genuine.
5. They gossip about you behind your back.
Fake friends love to talk about you when you’re not around. If you hear that they’ve been spreading rumours, sharing your secrets, or making fun of you to other people, it’s a clear sign that they don’t truly like or respect you. No real friend would deliberately damage your reputation. They may be friendly to your face, but if they’re quick to badmouth you the moment you’re gone, their true feelings are obvious. If you consistently hear negative things they’ve said, it’s time to question whether they see you as a friend at all.
6. They never genuinely apologise.
When fake friends upset you, they rarely take responsibility for their actions. Instead of offering a real apology, they dismiss your feelings with phrases like “You’re overreacting” or “I was just joking.” They might even shift the blame onto you for being too sensitive. A real friend cares if they’ve hurt you, but a fake one will brush off your concerns. Their lack of remorse shows that they’re not invested in making the friendship work. If someone refuses to acknowledge when they’ve wronged you, it’s a sign they don’t value the relationship.
7. They secretly compete with you.
Instead of supporting you, fake friends see you as competition. If you get a new job, buy something nice, or achieve a personal goal, they immediately try to one-up you. They might try to downplay your success while exaggerating their own achievements. The rivalry isn’t always obvious, but over time, you’ll notice that they can’t be happy for you without making it about themselves. Genuine friendships are based on mutual support, not silent battles for status or superiority. If everything feels like a competition, they likely don’t have your best interests at heart.
8. They dismiss your problems.
When you’re struggling, a fake friend won’t offer real support. Instead of listening, they might change the subject, compare their problems to yours, or make you feel like you’re being dramatic. They see your struggles as an inconvenience rather than something that matters. A real friend will be there for you in both good and bad times. If someone constantly ignores your feelings but expects you to listen to theirs, it’s a sign that they don’t genuinely care about your well-being. Friendship should be a two-way street, not a one-sided arrangement.
9. They don’t defend you.
If someone speaks badly about you, a true friend would stand up for you. Fake friends, however, either stay silent or join in. They might even laugh along when other people make rude comments, showing that they don’t genuinely respect you. If they let people insult you without saying anything, it’s a strong sign that they don’t truly see you as a friend. Real friends protect each other, even when the person being targeted isn’t in the room. If they won’t stand up for you, it’s worth questioning their loyalty.
10. They act differently around other people.
One-on-one, they might be friendly, but around certain people, they suddenly change. If they treat you with kindness in private but ignore or mock you in a group, it’s a sign that they don’t actually respect you. They may be trying to impress people by distancing themselves from you. This behaviour is especially common in social circles where they want to be seen as more popular or influential. True friends are consistent in how they treat you, regardless of who else is around. If someone’s kindness disappears in public, they’re not as genuine as they pretend to be.
11. They ignore your boundaries.
If you set a boundary, a fake friend will push back, dismiss it, or completely ignore it. Whether it’s making jokes at your expense, borrowing things without asking, or constantly demanding your time, they don’t respect your limits. Real friends take your feelings into account and adjust their behaviour accordingly. If someone repeatedly crosses your boundaries despite you making them clear, it’s a sign they don’t truly care about your comfort or well-being. Respect is a core part of any friendship.
12. They suddenly become distant without explanation.
One day, everything seems fine, and the next, they’re cold or distant. Fake friends often withdraw without explanation when they no longer find you useful or interesting. Instead of addressing issues directly, they create distance and let the friendship fade on their terms. Genuine friends communicate when something is wrong. If someone consistently pulls away without reason or starts treating you as an afterthought, they may have never truly valued the friendship in the first place.
13. They make you feel like an outsider.
Instead of making you feel included, fake friends subtly alienate you. They might share inside jokes you’re not part of, make plans without you, or talk about people and events as if you weren’t there. These small exclusions add up over time. A real friend ensures you feel welcome and valued. If you constantly feel like the odd one out, it may be because they don’t truly see you as part of their group. Feeling like an outsider in your own friendships is a sign that something isn’t right.
14. They don’t celebrate your happiness.
If you share good news, a fake friend might respond with indifference, forced enthusiasm, or even irritation. Instead of being happy for you, they might find ways to downplay your joy or make the moment about themselves. True friends celebrate your happiness as if it were their own. If someone consistently responds to your success with coldness or jealousy, they likely don’t have genuine feelings of friendship toward you. Their resentment speaks louder than their words.
