Regret can be a heavy feeling, especially when it lingers for too long.
It’s easy to replay past decisions, wondering what could have been different if you’d made another choice — that’s just human nature. However, if regret isn’t managed and ultimately relinquished, it can take over your thoughts, leaving you stuck instead of moving forward. It’s time to stop thinking about “what if?” and start focusing on what is.
1. Acknowledge the regret instead of pushing it away.
Trying to ignore regret only makes it stronger. The more you suppress it, the more it lingers in the back of your mind. Acknowledging that you feel regretful is the first step toward dealing with it in a healthy way. Instead of avoiding the feeling, allow yourself to sit with it. Recognising regret doesn’t mean you have to dwell on it; it just means accepting that it’s there. Once you stop resisting, it becomes easier to process and move past it.
2. Separate regret from self-blame.
Regret often turns into self-criticism, making you feel like you’re the problem rather than the decision you made. But mistakes don’t define you, and neither does regret. Holding onto guilt only keeps you stuck in the past. Instead of beating yourself up, try to see the situation for what it was: a learning experience. No one gets everything right, and missteps are part of life. The sooner you separate regret from self-worth, the easier it becomes to move forward.
3. Remind yourself that every choice made sense at the time.
It’s easy to look back with hindsight and think you should have done things differently. But at the time, you made the best decision with the information, emotions, and circumstances you had. Regret makes it seem like you should have known better, but life doesn’t work that way. Instead of focusing on what you wish you had done, remind yourself that you made the best choice you could in that moment. The past can’t be changed, but your perspective on it can. Learning to trust your past self helps lessen the weight of regret.
4. Learn the lesson, then let it go.
Regret is useful when it teaches you something, but beyond that, it serves no purpose. Holding onto it won’t change what happened; it only keeps you stuck in the past. The key is to take the lesson and move on. Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” If there’s something valuable to take forward, apply it. But if you’re just replaying the past without growth, it’s time to let it go. Regret should be a stepping stone, not a permanent weight.
5. Shift your focus to what you can control.
Regret thrives on what-ifs and things that can’t be changed. But focusing on what’s out of your control only leads to frustration. The best way to move past regret is to shift your energy toward what you can do now. Instead of thinking about what you should have done, ask yourself what you can do next. Taking even a small step forward helps break the cycle of regret. Progress, no matter how small, makes a bigger difference than dwelling on the past.
6. Avoid over-romanticising the past.
Regret can make the past seem better than it actually was. You might convince yourself that a different choice would have led to the perfect outcome, but that’s rarely true. The reality is, every decision comes with challenges, even the ones you didn’t choose. Try to see things clearly rather than through an idealised lens. Just because you regret something doesn’t mean the alternative would have been perfect. Recognising that life is never as black-and-white as it seems helps ease the burden of regret.
7. Forgive yourself for not knowing what you know now.
Regret often comes from new insights — things you understand now that you didn’t before. But expecting your past self to have had the same knowledge isn’t fair. Growth means learning from experiences, and that’s how it’s meant to work. Instead of punishing yourself for what you didn’t know, show yourself the same kindness you’d offer a friend. You’ve grown since then, and that’s a good thing. Forgiving yourself helps free you from regret’s hold.
8. Talk it out with someone you trust.
Regret can feel overwhelming when you keep it bottled up. Sometimes, talking to someone else can give you a fresh perspective. A trusted friend, family member, or therapist can help you process regret in a way that feels lighter. Hearing someone else’s thoughts might help you see the situation differently. Often, we’re harder on ourselves than we would be on anyone else. A different perspective can remind you that you’re not defined by past decisions.
9. Focus on what you’ve done right.
Regret has a way of making you forget all the good choices you’ve made. Instead of fixating on one mistake, try shifting your focus to the things you’ve done well. Chances are, you’ve made far more good decisions than bad ones. Take a moment to reflect on past wins, big or small. Recognising your successes helps balance out the weight of regret. The more you remind yourself of your strengths, the less power regret has over you.
10. Take action instead of sitting in regret.
The longer you sit with regret, the heavier it feels. The best way to break free from it is to take action. Even if you can’t change the past, there’s always something you can do to move forward. Whether it’s making amends, changing your approach, or simply deciding to let go, action shifts your focus. The sooner you start taking steps forward, the less time you’ll spend looking back. Movement creates momentum, making regret less of a burden.
11. Accept that some things will always be uncertain.
Part of what makes regret so tough is the feeling of uncertainty, wondering what could have been. But no matter how much you analyse the past, you’ll never know for sure. Accepting uncertainty allows you to make peace with what is. Instead of trying to find definite answers, allow yourself to be okay with not knowing. Life is full of unknowns, and dwelling on them won’t change the present. Embracing uncertainty helps you move forward without needing closure for everything.
12. Offer yourself a bit of grace and compassion every day.
Being kind to yourself isn’t just something to do when you’re struggling; it’s a habit that makes all the difference. When you treat yourself with compassion, regret doesn’t take hold as easily. Self-kindness creates a mindset that helps you move forward instead of staying stuck. Instead of replaying mistakes, remind yourself that you’re human. Everyone makes choices they later wish had been different. The way you treat yourself through those moments shapes how quickly you bounce back.
13. Create something meaningful from regret.
Some of the best growth comes from past mistakes. Instead of letting regret weigh you down, use it as fuel to create something better. Maybe it’s a lesson you share with other people, a new path you take, or a decision to live differently moving forward. Turning regret into something meaningful helps give it purpose. Rather than seeing it as something negative, you can view it as a stepping stone to something better. When regret leads to growth, it stops feeling like a burden.
14. Remind yourself that life moves forward.
No matter how much regret you feel, time keeps moving. You have a choice—you can stay stuck in the past, or you can move with it. The future is always unfolding, and you have the power to shape it. Dwelling on past choices won’t change them, but what you do next is entirely in your hands. Life doesn’t stop because of regret, and neither should you. The best way to free yourself from the past is to start creating a future you’re excited about.
