Autistic people sometimes think and act differently than others, which makes them stand out in both good and bad ways.
While having this form of neurodivergence in no way makes people deficient, “weird,” or less than, it does tend to make everyone around them curious about how their minds work. Generally speaking, people’s curiosity is well-intentioned; they simply want to understand better. However, instead of educating themselves or accepting the autistic person in their life for who they are, they tend to ask insensitive, silly, or outright ridiculous questions that really shouldn’t need to be answered. Here are some of the most common ones autistic people tend to hear and wish they would never be subjected to again.
1. “What does autism mean?”
This question tends to come up a lot, especially if someone doesn’t have experience with autism. While it’s often asked out of curiosity and a desire to understand, it can put the person on the spot to explain something complex in a simple way. Autism is a neurological difference that affects how a person experiences the world, communicates, and interacts with other people. However, it’s important to remember that autism is different for everyone, and each person’s experience is unique. Asking for a simple definition might not fully capture the complexity of what it means to be autistic.
2. “Can you make eye contact?”
Eye contact is often seen as a standard sign of attentiveness or honesty, but this assumption overlooks the fact that not all autistic people are comfortable with it. Some may struggle with eye contact, while others may not find it difficult at all. It’s a spectrum, just like autism itself. For many, avoiding eye contact is a way to better focus or feel more at ease. It’s not a sign of disinterest or rudeness, but rather a sensory preference that helps them process information. Understanding this can make a big difference in how we interact with autistic people.
3. “Are you like Rain Man?”
The infamous character of Raymond Babbitt in the movie “Rain Man” has led to many people asking if autistic people are like him. While it’s true that some autistic people have specific skills or “splinter skills,” the vast majority don’t fit into the narrow stereotypes portrayed in films. Autism is incredibly diverse, and the real-life experiences of autistic people are far more complex and varied than fictional depictions. Comparing someone to a movie character only reduces their individuality and can feel disrespectful.
4. “What causes autism?”
People are often curious about what causes autism, but this question can come across as intrusive or overly clinical. While research on the origins of autism continues, it’s not always appropriate to ask an autistic person directly. Instead of focusing on the cause, it’s far more respectful to accept and support who the person is. The idea that autism is something that needs fixing or explaining can be harmful. Embracing neurodiversity and understanding that everyone’s mind works differently is key to creating a more inclusive environment.
5. “Do you have feelings?”
This question is frustrating for many autistic people because it implies that they somehow lack depth or emotional capacity. Autism does not mean a person is devoid of emotions. It simply means they might express or process their emotions differently from what’s considered “typical.” Autistic people can be deeply empathetic and feel emotions just as intensely as anyone else. Their ways of expressing these emotions may not always align with social expectations, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have feelings. Approaching the topic with a bit of sensitivity can go a long way in encouraging understanding.
6. “Can you work or go to school?”
Questions about what an autistic person is capable of often stem from misconceptions about autism being a universal barrier to success. While some autistic people may need support in certain areas, others thrive in both academic and professional settings. They bring unique strengths to the table and may excel in ways that are often overlooked. Instead of focusing on limitations, it’s more helpful to recognise that with the right support, understanding, and accessibility, autistic people can succeed just like anyone else.
7. “Are you high-functioning or low-functioning?”
This question can feel frustrating and reductive. Functioning labels, such as “high-functioning” or “low-functioning,” oversimplify the reality of living with autism and don’t capture the full picture. People are complex and multidimensional, and their needs and abilities vary greatly from day to day. Focusing on functioning labels can make it harder to recognise the strengths and challenges that exist within every autistic person. It’s far more helpful to view each individual as just that — an individual — without reducing them to a category.
8. “Can you have relationships?”
Stereotypes often paint autistic people as socially isolated or incapable of forming meaningful connections, but these assumptions are not only hurtful but also untrue. Autistic people can and do form deep relationships with friends, family, and romantic partners. Their ways of expressing love and affection may look different from what’s considered “typical,” but that doesn’t mean those relationships are any less valuable. Respect and understanding are key in nurturing these connections, just as they are in any relationship.
9. “Do you wish you weren’t autistic?”
This question can be loaded and imply that there’s something inherently wrong with being autistic. While experiences vary, many autistic people are proud of their identity and wouldn’t want to change who they are. Rather than framing autism as something negative that needs to be “fixed,” it’s more empowering to ask how society can be more inclusive and supportive. It changes the focus from the desire to “cure” autism to creating a world that celebrates neurodiversity.
10. “Are you just shy?”
It’s common for people to confuse autism with shyness, but they are very different things. Shyness typically involves feeling self-conscious or nervous in social situations, whereas autism involves differences in sensory processing, communication, and interaction. While some autistic people might appear quiet or reserved, their experiences go far beyond simple social discomfort. It’s important to recognise these distinctions to avoid oversimplifying autism and misunderstanding its impact.
11. “Why don’t you seem autistic?”
This question reflects a misunderstanding of the spectrum nature of autism. There is no single way that autism “looks” because it affects each person differently. Just because someone doesn’t fit into stereotypical ideas of what autism should look like doesn’t mean they aren’t autistic. Comments like this can feel invalidating and dismissive. Embracing the diversity within the autistic community and understanding that every person’s experience is unique is vital.
12. “What do you like to do?”
While this question seems harmless, it can sometimes carry an assumption that autistic people have narrow or unusual interests. Many autistic people have deep, passionate interests, but their hobbies and preferences are just as varied and diverse as anyone else’s. Instead of making assumptions, simply ask them about their interests with curiosity and respect. It’s an opportunity to get to know someone better and build a genuine connection, not to focus on what makes them different.
13. “How can I help?”
This is one of the most thoughtful and considerate questions you can ask. It shows that you’re willing to listen and understand how best to support an autistic person. The key here is to follow through and respect the response. Support can look different for everyone, whether it’s offering a quiet space, being patient, or using clear communication. By asking this question with sincerity, you show genuine care and respect for their needs and experience.
