Some people don’t just disagree or have bad days — they actually go out of their way to push buttons on a regular basis.
When someone is purposely antagonising you, they want a reaction. Maybe they thrive on drama, maybe they enjoy making people uncomfortable, or maybe they just like feeling in control. Either way, recognising the signs early can help you stay calm and avoid playing into their game. Here’s how you know someone is actively trying to wind you up and how to deal with it.
1. They keep making subtle digs.
Antagonistic people don’t always come at you directly — they’re often more calculated. Instead of outright insults, they’ll drop little backhanded comments that make you second-guess yourself. It’s their way of getting under your skin without being obvious about it. If you call them out, they’ll usually act like you’re overreacting. The best way to respond is to keep your cool and not give them the reaction they want. A simple, “Interesting take,” or changing the subject makes it clear you’re not playing along.
2. They challenge literally everything you say.
No matter what you bring up, they find a way to disagree. Even if you’re talking about something harmless, they’ll argue just to push back. It’s not about having a genuine discussion — they just want to pick a fight. Instead of getting sucked into endless debates, keep your responses short. A quick “You might be right” or “I guess we see it differently” shuts them down without giving them fuel to keep going.
3. They act like they know you better than you know yourself.
People who love to antagonise often try to make you feel like you don’t even understand yourself. They’ll say things like, “You’re just being dramatic,” or “You always do this” to undermine your feelings. Their goal is to make you doubt yourself so they can control the narrative. The best response is to stand firm in your truth. A calm “That’s not actually how I feel, but thanks for your input” lets them know you’re not buying into their version of things.
4. They bring up the past just to upset you.
When someone is purposely antagonising you, they won’t let old situations rest. They’ll remind you of past mistakes or conflicts, even if they’re completely irrelevant. It’s a way to keep you on edge and make you feel defensive. You don’t have to justify yourself over things that have already been dealt with. A simple, “We’ve moved past that,” or “I’m not going to revisit this again” stops them from dragging you back into old drama.
5. They mock your reactions.
If you express frustration, they laugh or roll their eyes like you’re being ridiculous. They might mimic you, exaggerate what you said, or say, “Wow, calm down,” when you weren’t even upset. It’s all about making you feel small. The best way to handle this is to not engage. A neutral “Okay,” or no response at all keeps you in control. The less you react, the less fun it is for them.
6. They act like everything is just a joke.
Some antagonistic people hide behind “humour.” They’ll say something insulting and then claim, “I’m just kidding!” when they see you didn’t like it. It’s their way of being mean without taking responsibility. You don’t have to laugh along. A firm, “That wasn’t funny to me,” or “Jokes are supposed to be fun for everyone” makes it clear you’re not letting it slide.
7. They go out of their way to ignore you.
Antagonistic people don’t always pick fights — sometimes they use silence to get under your skin. They might act like you’re invisible, exclude you from conversations, or pretend they didn’t hear you. It’s a passive-aggressive way to make you feel unimportant. Instead of chasing their attention, act unbothered. Engaging with them only gives them power. Keeping your energy focused on people who do acknowledge you makes their games ineffective.
8. They twist your words.
People who like to antagonise are masters of twisting things around. You’ll say one thing, and they’ll turn it into something completely different. They might exaggerate, take things out of context, or pretend you meant something you didn’t. Instead of trying to explain yourself endlessly, keep it simple. A calm, “That’s not what I said,” or “You’re misunderstanding me” makes it clear you’re not playing their game.
9. They take credit for your ideas.
When someone is antagonistic, they’ll sometimes steal the spotlight by making it seem like your ideas were theirs. Whether it’s at work or in a group setting, they’ll repeat what you said as if they thought of it first. Calling it out directly can make them defensive, so a simple, “Glad you liked my idea,” or “Yeah, I mentioned that earlier” keeps it light while making it clear who actually said it first.
10. They turn other people against you.
Some people thrive on creating conflict, and one of their favourite tactics is trying to turn people against you. They’ll spread subtle negativity, plant doubts, or make you seem difficult just to isolate you. The best response is to stay consistent in your behaviour. People will see the truth over time. If you don’t feed into their drama, their attempts to manipulate people won’t hold up.
11. They constantly interrupt you.
Interrupting is more than just bad manners — it’s a way for someone to show dominance. If someone keeps cutting you off mid-sentence, especially in a dismissive way, they’re likely trying to assert control over the conversation. Responding with, “Let me finish,” or continuing to talk without acknowledging the interruption shows you’re not backing down. The less power you give their interruptions, the less effective they become.
12. They deliberately inconvenience you.
Antagonistic people sometimes create small, annoying obstacles just to frustrate you. Maybe they “forget” to do something they promised, leave you out of plans, or take their time responding to things that matter to you. The best way to respond is to not show frustration. If they see it doesn’t affect you, they lose interest. Handling things yourself or making other plans keeps you from being stuck in their games.
13. They refuse to take responsibility.
No matter what happens, it’s never their fault. They’ll blame you, someone else, or even act like nothing happened at all. If you try to address an issue, they’ll dodge it completely or turn it around on you. The best way to deal with this is to stop expecting accountability from them. A simple, “Got it,” or “Noted,” lets them know you’re done trying to reason with them.
14. They make everything a competition.
Whether it’s work, friendships, or casual conversations, they turn everything into a battle. Even things that don’t need to be competitive become about proving they’re better, smarter, or more successful than you. When someone constantly tries to “win,” the best thing you can do is stop competing. Responding with, “Good for you,” or “That’s great,” takes the rivalry out of it. If they don’t get the reaction they want, they’ll lose interest.
