Watching a family member struggle can be frustrating, especially when you know they need help but won’t take the step themselves.
Whether they’re dealing with mental health issues, addiction, or any personal issue that’s becoming too overwhelming for them to handle on their own, pushing too hard can make them defensive, while avoiding the issue won’t solve anything either. The key is finding a balance by approaching the situation with care, patience, and the right words to help them see the benefits of getting the support they need from professionals with the tools and skills to get them back on track.
1. Choose the right time and place for the conversation.
Bringing up a sensitive topic in the wrong moment can shut things down before they even begin. If they’re already stressed, upset, or distracted, they’re less likely to listen with an open mind. Timing matters. Try to have the conversation when they’re relaxed, and choose a private, comfortable setting where they won’t feel pressured or embarrassed. A calm atmosphere makes it easier for them to hear you out without feeling attacked.
2. Approach them with concern, not criticism.
How you start the conversation sets the tone for everything that follows. If they feel judged or criticised, they’ll put up walls and resist the idea of getting help. Instead, focus on expressing concern from a place of care. Using phrases like “I’ve noticed you haven’t been yourself lately” or “I just want to check in and see how you’re really doing” can make them feel supported rather than scrutinised. The goal is to show that you’re coming from a place of love, not blame.
3. Listen to their feelings without interrupting.
Even if you think you already know what’s going on, let them talk. Sometimes, people resist help because they feel like no one understands what they’re going through. Giving them the space to express themselves can make a huge difference. Instead of jumping in with solutions, let them share their thoughts, fears, and frustrations. A simple “I hear you” or “That must be really tough” can go a long way in making them feel seen and heard.
4. Avoid making them feel ashamed or weak.
One of the biggest reasons people resist asking for help is the fear of being judged. If they feel like getting help means they’ve failed, they’ll be even less likely to take that step. Reassure them that struggling doesn’t mean weakness, and that reaching out and getting help is actually a sign of strength. Let them know that everyone needs support sometimes, and they’re not alone in what they’re facing.
5. Offer specific examples of why you’re worried.
It’s easy for someone to dismiss general concerns, but pointing out specific changes you’ve noticed makes it harder for them to brush it off. Instead of saying “You seem off lately,” try mentioning things like changes in their behaviour, mood, or daily routine. For example, “I’ve noticed you’ve been isolating yourself a lot more” or “You used to love doing this, but now you don’t seem interested.” Specifics make your concern feel real rather than just a vague suggestion.
6. Suggest professional help as a normal option.
Some people see therapy, rehab, or medical help as something only for extreme cases. But in reality, getting help is just like seeing a doctor when you’re physically unwell. In other words, it’s a normal and healthy thing to do. Framing it this way can help remove the stigma. Instead of saying, “You need therapy,” you could say, “A lot of people find talking to someone really helpful when they’re going through something tough.” Normalising it makes it feel like a practical step rather than a big deal.
7. Share personal stories if you can.
If you’ve ever sought help yourself or know someone who has, sharing that experience can be really helpful. It makes the idea feel more relatable and shows that getting support isn’t as scary as it might seem. Hearing how therapy, counselling, or any other form of help has worked for someone else can make them more open to the idea. If you don’t have a personal story, you could mention someone well-known who has spoken openly about their journey.
8. Offer to help with the process.
Sometimes, the biggest barrier to getting help is the overwhelming process of figuring out where to start. Researching options, making appointments, or even just finding the right words to explain their situation can feel like too much. Offering practical help like looking up therapists, making a phone call together, or even driving them to an appointment can remove some of that pressure. Knowing they don’t have to do it alone might make them more willing to take the first step.
9. Respect their pace and don’t push too hard.
While it’s frustrating to see someone struggling, forcing them into something before they’re ready can backfire. If they feel pressured, they might dig in even more and refuse to listen. Instead of demanding they get help immediately, plant the seed and give them time to process. Sometimes, people need multiple conversations before they’re ready to take action. Being patient and letting them come to the decision on their own terms can be more effective in the long run.
10. Reassure them that they won’t be alone in this.
Fear of isolation can make people resist getting help. They might worry that no one will understand what they’re going through, or that they’ll have to deal with things alone if they take that step. Reassure them that you’re in their corner no matter what. Let them know that getting help doesn’t mean facing things alone; it just means they’ll have extra support to make things easier.
11. Offer alternative ways to start the process.
Not everyone is comfortable jumping straight into professional help. If they’re resistant, suggest smaller steps first. Talking to a close friend, joining a support group, or reading about other people’s experiences can be a good starting point. Sometimes, easing into the idea rather than making a big leap can make the process feel less intimidating. The goal is to get them comfortable with the idea of getting help, even if it starts small.
12. Know when to step back for your own well-being.
As much as you want to help, you can’t force someone to accept it. If they’re not ready, you have to respect that, even if it’s painful to watch them struggle. Pushing too hard can strain your relationship and leave you emotionally drained. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is be there when they’re ready while also taking care of yourself. If their refusal to get help is affecting you too much, getting some help for yourself, whether through a support group or counselling, can help you cope with the situation in a healthier way.
