When kids grow up being constantly dismissed, ignored, or told their feelings don’t matter, they don’t just suddenly get over it when they get older.
Feeling unheard as a child often turns into struggles with self-worth, boundaries, and emotional security later in life, unfortunately. And while therapy and working on themselves can help them overcome the baggage these experiences saddle them with, it’s still tough to completely let it go. Whether it was parents brushing off emotions, making them feel like a burden, or expecting them to be too tough, too soon, chronic invalidation leaves its mark. If you were never validated growing up, chances are you’ll recognise yourself in some of these.
1. They struggle to trust their own emotions.
When you’ve spent years being told you’re “overreacting” or “too sensitive,” it’s hard to trust your own feelings. As an adult, you might second-guess your reactions, wondering if you’re being dramatic, even when your emotions are completely valid. It can make decision-making feel weirdly stressful because you’re constantly questioning whether your instincts are “right.” It’s not that you don’t feel things, it’s that you’ve been conditioned to doubt if you should feel them.
2. They apologise all the time, even for things they didn’t do.
Growing up in an environment where your feelings weren’t taken seriously can make you believe that you’re always the problem. As a result, you might find yourself apologising for things that aren’t your fault, or even for just existing. Even when no one’s upset, there’s that instinct to say “sorry” just in case. It’s a survival habit from childhood, when keeping the peace meant staying out of trouble, even if you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s on autopilot at this point — you probably don’t even realise you’re doing it sometimes.
3. They feel guilty for having needs.
Invalidated kids grow up into adults who feel deeply uncomfortable asking for help, support, or even basic kindness. Since their emotions were often brushed aside, they learned to suppress their needs rather than express them. As adults, this can look like avoiding asking for favours, hesitating to set boundaries, or feeling selfish for prioritising themselves. It’s hard to unlearn the belief that needing something from someone else is an inconvenience rather than a natural part of relationships.
4. They downplay the things they’re struggling with (and the fact that they’re struggling at all).
“It’s not that bad.” “Other people have it worse.” “I shouldn’t be complaining.” These thoughts run on a loop in the minds of adults who grew up being dismissed every time they tried to express how they felt. Instead of acknowledging their own struggles, they push them aside, acting like they’re fine even when they’re really not. Asking for help doesn’t come naturally when you’ve spent years being made to feel like your problems don’t count.
5. They either over-explain or say nothing at all.
When your emotions were constantly questioned as a kid, expressing yourself as an adult can feel scary or even just off-putting. Some people react by over-explaining everything, feeling like they need to provide solid proof for every feeling or decision they make. Others go the opposite way and just shut down, assuming no one will listen anyway. Either way, communication becomes exhausting when you’ve spent your whole life fighting to be heard.
6. They feel weirdly relieved when someone validates them.
For adults who grew up with constant invalidation, being told “I get it” or “That makes sense” feels almost shocking. It’s like their brain wasn’t expecting it, so when validation actually happens, it can feel weirdly overwhelming. Some don’t even know how to react when people take them seriously because they’re so used to being brushed off. It’s an adjustment to realise that not everyone will dismiss their emotions.
7. They suppress anger until it explodes out.
Many invalidated kids were taught that anger wasn’t allowed — that getting upset was “bad” or “too much.” So instead of expressing frustration, they pushed it down, trying to keep the peace at all costs. The problem? Suppressed anger doesn’t disappear; it just builds up until it bursts out in unexpected ways. That can mean overreacting to small things, struggling with passive-aggressiveness, or feeling completely drained from holding everything in.
8. They have a hard time standing up for themselves.
When your voice was ignored for years, it’s really tough to suddenly start asserting yourself as an adult. Many people find confrontation terrifying, not because they don’t have opinions, but because standing up for themselves feels unnatural. Even when they know they’re being treated unfairly, the instinct to stay quiet kicks in. After all, if no one listened when they were younger, why would they now?
9. They feel emotionally responsible for everyone else.
Growing up being invalidated often leads to overcompensating for other people. Since they were constantly told to “calm down” or “get over it,” they become hypersensitive to making sure everyone else feels heard. They might put their own feelings aside to keep other people comfortable, constantly checking if everyone’s okay, even when it’s at their own expense. It’s an exhausting cycle of giving, giving, giving, while struggling to accept the same level of care in return.
10. They struggle to know what they actually want.
When your feelings were regularly dismissed, you might have learned to shape yourself around what other people expected, rather than what you actually wanted. This can lead to a weird sense of identity confusion as an adult. Decisions, both big and small, become overwhelming because there’s that lingering fear of making the “wrong” choice. It’s not that they don’t have opinions; it’s that they were never encouraged to trust them.
11. They crave deep emotional connections, but also fear them.
Invalidated kids grow up desperate for emotional security, but the problem is, trusting people with their feelings feels risky. If you’ve spent years expecting your emotions to be brushed aside, opening up doesn’t come naturally. It can create a push-and-pull dynamic in relationships, wanting closeness but also fearing rejection. The need for connection is strong, but so is the instinct to protect themselves from further hurt. It’s understandable, but it can also be incredibly limiting.
12. They overthink everything they say.
Source: Unsplash Adults who were chronically invalidated often have a running mental script of “Did I say the wrong thing?” or “Should I have worded that differently?” Every conversation becomes an overanalysis session. Since they were conditioned to believe that their words didn’t matter — or worse, that they were wrong — they develop a habit of second-guessing every interaction. Social anxiety? Overthinking? It often starts with years of not being listened to.
13. They get really uncomfortable receiving compliments.
If you’ve spent years being dismissed, suddenly getting positive attention can feel strange. Compliments, validation, and recognition don’t always register as real, making them hard to accept. Instead of feeling proud or happy, invalidated adults might instinctively downplay praise or feel awkward when someone actually acknowledges their worth. It’s not that they don’t appreciate it; they just don’t quite know how to take it in.
14. They’re terrified of being a burden, even when they’re clearly not one.
For those who grew up believing their emotions were too much for other people, the fear of being a burden sticks for life. They might hesitate to vent, open up, or even express small frustrations because they don’t want to “annoy” people. Even in supportive relationships, there’s often that nagging thought: “What if I’m asking for too much?” It’s a tough mindset to shake when you were taught from a young age that your emotions were inconvenient.
15. They don’t realise just how much their childhood shaped them.
Many people don’t connect the dots between how they were treated as kids and how they act as adults. They might just think they’re overly apologetic, emotionally reserved, or bad at decision-making, without realising those habits were learned through years of invalidation. The good news? Once they recognise where these patterns come from, it’s possible to relearn self-trust, emotional validation, and confidence. Healing starts with understanding that their feelings have always mattered, even if no one told them that before.
