Loneliness is one of those things that people love to give advice about, but not all advice is actually helpful.
When someone is feeling isolated, well-meaning comments can sometimes make them feel even worse than they already do. Whether it’s dismissive, overly simplistic, or unintentionally patronising, certain phrases don’t provide comfort — they just highlight the loneliness even more. If you want to support someone who’s struggling, here are some of the “helpful” things you might be saying that need to be banned from your vocabulary for good.
1. “Just put yourself out there!”
On the surface, this sounds like encouraging advice, but it completely ignores the reality of loneliness. If making connections was as simple as “putting yourself out there,” lonely people wouldn’t be struggling in the first place. It assumes that the problem is effort, rather than circumstances, bad luck, or deeper emotional struggles. Many people have already tried socialising and still feel alone. Telling them to do something vague and exhausting just makes them feel like they’re failing at something that should be easy. What they need isn’t pressure, it’s understanding and support.
2. “You’re never alone!”
While the intention behind this one is kind, it can feel dismissive. Just because someone has family, coworkers, or acquaintances around them doesn’t mean they don’t feel profoundly alone. Loneliness isn’t about proximity to people—it’s about connection, and saying this ignores that. Hearing “you’re never alone” can actually make someone feel worse because it implies that their loneliness is imaginary. It’s more helpful to acknowledge their feelings rather than trying to convince them they shouldn’t exist. Real comfort comes from listening, not just throwing out feel-good statements.
3. “You should be grateful for the people you have.”
Gratitude is important, but it doesn’t erase loneliness. Just because someone has family or a few friends doesn’t mean they don’t feel disconnected or isolated in their daily life. It can make them feel guilty for struggling, as if they’re ungrateful for what they do have. Loneliness isn’t always about a lack of people; it’s about the quality of relationships and the sense of connection. Instead of telling them to be grateful, a better approach is to ask how they’re feeling and listen without judgement.
4. “You just need to stay positive.”
Loneliness isn’t a mindset issue; it’s a real, painful experience that can’t be fixed with positive thinking. Telling someone to “stay positive” makes it sound like they’re choosing to feel this way, which only adds to their frustration. It implies that the problem is their attitude, rather than their circumstances. People who feel lonely often already struggle with self-doubt, so hearing that they “just need to be positive” can make them feel even more alone in their emotions. What they need is empathy, not forced optimism.
5. “Everyone feels lonely sometimes.”
While this might be true, it doesn’t make loneliness any easier to deal with. Saying this can make someone feel like their struggle isn’t serious or unique, which can make them even less likely to open up. It turns a personal pain into something generic, as if it’s not worth talking about. What lonely people need isn’t a reminder that other people have felt the same way; it’s validation that their pain is real. A better response would be, “I can see this is really hard for you. Do you want to talk about it?” That acknowledges their feelings rather than brushing them aside.
6. “Have you tried making new friends?”
Lonely people are usually very aware that making friends would help, but it’s not always that simple. Social connections take time, effort, and the right circumstances, and not everyone has the same opportunities to meet new people. This makes it sound like they just haven’t tried hard enough. Rather than assuming they haven’t made an effort, it’s better to ask how they’re feeling about their social life. A good alternative could be, “Would you like me to introduce you to someone I think you’d get along with?” This way, it feels like support rather than an assignment.
7. “You just need to get a hobby.”
Hobbies are great, but they don’t automatically solve loneliness. Someone can take up painting, hiking, or reading, but if they’re still doing it alone, the feeling of isolation doesn’t magically go away. A hobby can fill time, but it doesn’t necessarily fill the emotional gap left by meaningful relationships. Suggesting a hobby can feel dismissive because it makes loneliness sound like a simple boredom issue. Instead of assuming they need an activity, try asking what they need right now. Sometimes, they just want company, not a distraction.
8. “At least you have more time for yourself.”
Loneliness isn’t just about having time alone; it’s about feeling disconnected. Trying to spin it as a positive can make someone feel like their pain isn’t valid. While some people enjoy solitude, others feel deeply isolated by it. Instead of treating loneliness as a “gift of free time,” it’s better to acknowledge that it can be tough. Saying, “I’m here for you” or “Let’s hang out soon” is much more helpful than trying to put a positive spin on it.
9. “You’re being too picky about people.”
Lonely people often hear that they need to lower their standards when it comes to friendships or relationships. But connection isn’t just about having people around, it’s about finding the right people. Being surrounded by the wrong crowd can actually make loneliness worse. Instead of criticising their standards, try asking what kind of relationships they’re looking for. Understanding their needs is far more helpful than making them feel like their loneliness is their own fault.
10. “You should go to therapy.”
While therapy can be helpful, suggesting it outright can feel like telling someone they’re broken. It implies that loneliness is a personal failing rather than a normal human experience. While mental health support is important, not everyone who’s lonely is struggling with something that requires therapy. A better approach is to offer support without making them feel like a project. Saying, “I’m happy to talk whenever you need,” makes them feel like they have someone in their corner.
11. “It’s not that hard to make friends.”
For some people, making friends is easy, but for others, it’s complicated. Whether it’s due to anxiety, social barriers, or just bad luck, not everyone has the same experience with socialising. Saying it’s “not that hard” can feel dismissive. A lonely person might already feel like they’re failing at something that seems effortless for other people. Instead of minimising their struggle, asking “Is there anything I can do to help?” shows actual care.
12. “You should try online dating.”
Loneliness isn’t always about romantic relationships. Assuming that someone’s loneliness will be solved by dating overlooks the fact that friendships and social connections are just as important. It also puts pressure on them to find someone, which isn’t always what they need. Instead of pushing them towards dating, ask what kind of connections they’re missing. Friendship, community, and family support matter just as much as romance.
13. “At least you have social media!”
Being “connected” online isn’t the same as real-life connection. Many lonely people feel even worse scrolling through social media because they see everyone else seeming to have the relationships they lack. It’s a reminder of what they don’t have, not a solution. Instead of suggesting social media, offering real interaction is more helpful. A simple “Let’s catch up soon” can mean far more than a hundred likes on a post.
14. “You’re probably just overthinking it.”
Loneliness isn’t something people just imagine—it’s a real emotional experience that can deeply affect mental health. Telling someone they’re “overthinking” their feelings makes them second-guess themselves and feel even more isolated. It can also make them feel like they’re being dramatic when, in reality, they’re just expressing how they feel. Instead of dismissing their emotions, a better response would be, “I can see this is really affecting you. Do you want to talk about it?” That way, they feel validated rather than like they’re making a big deal out of nothing. Loneliness isn’t just in someone’s head; it’s a real struggle that deserves compassion.
15. “You’re lucky — you don’t have to deal with drama.”
While it’s true that some relationships bring unnecessary stress, that doesn’t mean loneliness is a positive trade-off. Just because someone isn’t caught up in drama doesn’t mean they enjoy being alone. That kind of comment makes it sound like they should be grateful for something that actually causes them pain. Not all social connections are dramatic, and lonely people aren’t necessarily choosing isolation. Instead of making their situation seem like a blessing in disguise, a better response would be, “I’d love to spend more time with you. Let’s plan something soon.” That way, they feel included rather than dismissed.
16. “It’ll get better soon.”
While this is meant to be hopeful, it can feel frustrating when there’s no real reason to believe things will change. Telling someone “it’ll get better” without offering any real support makes it seem like their loneliness is just a waiting game. It can also feel dismissive, as if their current pain doesn’t matter. A more meaningful way to offer comfort is by actually being there for them in the present moment. Instead of vague reassurance, say, “I know this is tough. I’m here for you, and you don’t have to go through it alone.” That kind of support makes a real difference.
