Relationships are complicated enough, but when autism is part of the mix, things can get even trickier.
This neurodivergent condition definitely isn’t a one-size-fits-all experience, but there are certain common elements that can make social connections, friendships, and romantic relationships more of a challenge. It’s not that they’re incapable of love or connection — it’s just that dealing with emotions, expectations, and unspoken rules can sometimes feel like a puzzle. Because of these issues, relationships can sometimes be a little more complicated for people with autism.
1. Struggling to read between the lines
Source: Unsplash Subtle hints, sarcasm, or unspoken expectations aren’t always easy to pick up on. Many autistic adults process information literally, which can lead to confusion when someone expects them to “just know” what’s wrong. Instead of guessing, they usually appreciate direct communication. If they ask, “What’s wrong?” and get the classic “Nothing,” they’ll likely take that at face value — because why wouldn’t they?
2. Expressing feelings differently (or not at all)
Some autistic people struggle with showing emotions in a way that everyone else expects. They might feel deeply but not express it in obvious ways, which can lead to misunderstandings in relationships. It’s not that they don’t care; it’s that their way of processing emotions might not match what a partner or friend expects. If they don’t react the “right” way, that’s not due to indifference — they just experience emotions differently.
3. Being uncomfortable with physical affection
Hugs, kisses, or casual touches might feel comforting to some, but for an autistic person, they can range from mildly uncomfortable to completely overwhelming. Sensory sensitivity plays a huge role in how much physical contact feels tolerable. They’re not consciously rejecting affection, they just tend to need it in a way that feels manageable. Some might prefer a firm hug over a light touch, or need to mentally prepare for physical closeness rather than it happening suddenly.
4. Taking things very literally
Say something like, “Can you give me a hand?” and they might pause, genuinely wondering if you mean that literally. Jokes, idioms, and figures of speech can sometimes go over their head because they process language differently. It’s not a lack of intelligence; it’s just how their brain works. They often prefer clear, straightforward communication rather than guessing what someone really means.
5. Needing structure and routine
Last-minute changes, sudden plan shifts, or vague “let’s see how it goes” situations can be incredibly stressful. Many autistic adults rely on routine to feel grounded, and unexpected changes can throw them off. In relationships, this can cause frustration if a partner or friend is more spontaneous. But with good communication, compromises can be made, so both people feel comfortable.
6. Hyperfixating on specific interests
Autistic adults often have deep, passionate interests — sometimes to the point where it dominates conversations. They might struggle to switch topics or not realise when the other person isn’t as engaged. While this can make them fascinating to talk to, it can also be tricky if their partner or friend doesn’t share the same enthusiasm. The best approach? Finding a balance between sharing their passion and knowing when to shift gears.
7. Finding it hard to express emotions in real time
When conflict happens, some autistic people need time to process their feelings before responding. They might shut down, go quiet, or struggle to explain what they’re feeling in the moment. This can be mistaken for coldness or avoidance, but it’s actually just their brain needing more time to sort through emotions. Giving them space and patience usually leads to a more meaningful response later.
8. Sensory overload making social situations exhausting
Loud noises, bright lights, crowded spaces — what might be mildly annoying to some can feel overwhelming to an autistic person. Social events that seem fun to other people might drain them completely. It can make dating, friendships, or even casual meet-ups tricky if their energy runs out quickly. Understanding that they need breaks — or sometimes need to skip events altogether — can help prevent misunderstandings, and make things less stressful.
9. Struggling with eye contact
Eye contact is often expected in conversations, but for many autistic adults, it’s uncomfortable, distracting, or even anxiety-inducing. Avoiding eye contact shouldn’t be seen as rude or uninterested — it’s just how they communicate best. Forcing eye contact can be stressful, so it helps when people understand that looking away doesn’t mean they’re not paying attention.
10. Being blunt without meaning to be
Many autistic people say exactly what they think, which can sometimes come off as rude, even when that’s not the intention. If they don’t like something, they might say so without sugar-coating it. While honesty is refreshing, it can cause tension if someone isn’t used to such directness. The key is recognising that there’s no hidden malice — just a different communication style.
11. Finding small talk pointless
Chitchat about the weather, polite pleasantries, or casual gossip? Often, it just doesn’t make sense to them. Many autistic adults prefer deep, meaningful conversations over small talk. This can make socialising feel frustrating, especially when small talk is expected in dating or early friendships. But once past that stage, they often thrive in deeper, more meaningful connections.
12. Needing clear, direct communication
Unspoken expectations, passive-aggressive hints, or vague instructions can be a nightmare to navigate. Autistic adults do best when things are said clearly, no guessing required. Instead of expecting them to “just know” how someone feels, being upfront about needs and expectations can prevent a lot of misunderstandings.
13. Finding emotional expression exhausting
Source: Unsplash Processing emotions is one thing; expressing them in a way that other people understand is another. Many autistic adults struggle with showing emotions in a way that makes sense to neurotypical people. They might feel deeply but express it in unexpected ways, or they might struggle to react on cue. It can make relationships tough if the other person expects obvious displays of affection or emotion.
14. Preferring directness over social niceties
Source: Unsplash While many people navigate conversations with subtlety, autistic adults tend to prefer directness. They’re more likely to say what they mean and expect everyone else to do the same. It can be refreshing, but it can also cause issues if the other person is used to softer, more indirect communication. The best approach is to just be honest because that’s what they appreciate most.
15. Sometimes needing to be alone to recharge
Source: Unsplash Even in relationships, autistic adults often need alone time to reset. Socialising, even with loved ones, can be draining, and they might need space to recover. They’re not trying to avoid people; they’re making sure they have enough energy to engage meaningfully. A partner or friend who understands and respects that need will have a much stronger, healthier connection in the long run.
