Dealing with a narcissist can be exhausting, and that’s putting it lightly.
They thrive on control, attention, and admiration, so when they don’t get what they want, it eats away at them. While you can’t change a narcissist’s behaviour, you can learn what makes them tick — and more importantly, what makes them miserable. Whether you’re dealing with a narcissistic partner, friend, or coworker, understanding what they truly hate can help you take back your power. While provoking them isn’t necessarily the most mature approach, sometimes needs must — and admittedly, it does feel pretty sweet giving them a taste of their own medicine!
1. Being ignored
Narcissists crave attention, whether it’s admiration or even fighting. When people stop engaging with them, they feel unimportant, and that’s one of their biggest fears. If they don’t get the reaction they’re looking for, it leaves them frustrated and confused.
If you want to get at them, the best thing you can do is stop feeding into their need for attention. Ignoring their drama, refusing to argue, and keeping responses neutral will drive them up the wall. They need to feel like they matter, and when they don’t, they spiral.
2. Losing control over someone
Control is everything to a narcissist. They like to manipulate people to get what they want, whether through guilt, charm, or intimidation. When someone sees through their tactics and refuses to be controlled, it’s a huge blow to their ego.
Setting firm boundaries, making your own choices, and standing your ground can frustrate them because it takes away their power over you. Even if they try to guilt-trip or provoke a reaction, staying calm and firm in your decisions makes them feel powerless.
3. Being exposed
Narcissists work hard to maintain a certain image, and they hate when people see behind the mask. Whether it’s their lies, manipulative behaviour, or hidden insecurities, being exposed makes them feel weak.
Calling them out on their contradictions or pointing out their inconsistencies can make them extremely uncomfortable. They’ll either lash out or play the victim, but either way, they won’t like it. The fear of being seen for who they really are is something that keeps them constantly on edge.
4. Seeing other people succeed
Narcissists hate when other people achieve things, especially if it means someone else is getting attention. They want to be the best, the smartest, or the most talented, and when they’re not, it eats away at them.
The best way to make them unhappy is to keep thriving. Your success, happiness, and confidence will annoy them more than anything you could say. When they see you doing well without their help or validation, it reminds them that they’re not as important as they think they are.
5. Being held accountable
A narcissist’s favourite trick is blaming everyone else for their problems. They’ll twist reality to avoid responsibility and make excuses for their behaviour. Admitting fault would mean accepting that they’re not perfect, and that’s something they can’t handle.
But when they’re forced to take accountability — when their lies don’t work and their manipulations fail — they get frustrated. They hate not being able to pass the blame onto someone else. The more people see through them, the harder it becomes for them to escape accountability.
6. Being rejected
Narcissists think they’re irresistible, so when someone rejects them, whether in a romantic, social, or professional setting, it’s a massive blow to their ego. They rely on admiration and validation to feel important, and rejection strips them of that.
They often respond with anger, resentment, or by trying to make the other person feel guilty. But nothing makes them more miserable than realising someone doesn’t want them, especially when they believe they’re entitled to attention.
7. Feeling like they don’t matter
Narcissists want to feel special, unique, and more important than everyone else. Being treated as just another person, rather than someone exceptional, is something they can’t stand.
If you stop giving them extra attention or treating them like they’re above everyone, they’ll feel deeply unsettled. Their entire self-worth is built around being seen as superior, so making them feel ordinary is one of the quickest ways to make them miserable.
8. When people stop fearing them
Many narcissists use intimidation or emotional manipulation to control people. They want people to be afraid of upsetting them or going against their wishes. Their ability to provoke fear makes them feel powerful.
When someone stops being afraid of them — when they see through the act and stand their ground — the narcissist loses their grip. They may lash out, but deep down, it makes them really upset. The less control they have, the more insecure they feel.
9. Being ignored on social media
Narcissists love social media because it gives them a platform for validation. They crave likes, comments, and attention, and when they don’t get it, they feel invisible.
If you want them to suffer, stop engaging with their posts. No likes, no reactions, no feeding into their need for validation — it’s a subtle but effective way to frustrate them. Seeing other people get more attention while they fade into the background is something they truly hate.
10. Seeing people happy without them
They want to feel like they’re the most important person in your life, so seeing you happy and thriving without them is something they despise. When you move on, enjoy yourself, and surround yourself with supportive people, they feel powerless. The thought that they don’t have control over your happiness drives them mad.
11. Losing an argument
Narcissists will argue about anything just to prove they’re right. They refuse to admit when they’re wrong and will twist facts, gaslight, and manipulate to make themselves seem superior.
When someone stands firm, calmly presents facts, and doesn’t get emotionally dragged into their mind games, it’s incredibly frustrating for them. Losing an argument is something they can’t handle well, and they’ll likely try to spin the situation in their favour.
12. Being around people who see through them
Some people fall for a narcissist’s charm, but those who see through their manipulations make them deeply uncomfortable. They hate being around people who aren’t fooled by their tricks. They prefer people who are easy to manipulate, so when they realise someone isn’t buying their act, they’ll either try harder to win them over or avoid them altogether. Being exposed is one of their biggest fears.
13. Not being the centre of attention
Narcissists need to be the star of the show. Whether it’s a conversation, a social event, or a workplace setting, they want the spotlight on them. If they feel overlooked or ignored, their frustration starts to show.
If the focus moves to someone else, and they’re no longer getting admiration, they feel irritated and restless. They may try to redirect attention back to themselves, but when it doesn’t work, it makes them unhappy (and that’s putting it lightly).
14. Being outsmarted
Narcissists think they’re the smartest person in the room, and they love to make people feel small in comparison. But when someone challenges them intellectually or outshines them in a conversation, it’s a serious hit to their ego.
They might try to dismiss the other person, change the subject, or get defensive, but deep down, they can’t stand being outmatched. It reminds them that they’re not as superior as they believe, and that’s something they struggle to accept.
