When everything in life is going smoothly, it’s easy to feel like you have plenty of friends.
Unfortunately, when things get tough, you quickly realise who’s truly there for you and who just sticks around when it’s convenient. Real friends don’t disappear when you need them most; they step up in ways that make all the difference. They don’t just check in when it’s easy, and they don’t make your problems about themselves. If you’re going through a rough patch, here’s how to spot the friends who genuinely have your back.
1. They check in without being asked.
Real friends don’t wait for you to reach out; they notice when something feels off and check in to see how you’re doing. It might be a quick message, a call, or even showing up just to sit with you. They don’t need a specific reason to check in; they just care. If someone only talks to you when they need something but vanishes when you’re struggling, they’re probably not as invested in your friendship as you are. A real friend won’t make you feel like you have to chase them for support.
2. They listen without making it about themselves.
Some people hear you talk about your problems and instantly turn the conversation to their own experiences. While it’s natural to relate, real friends know when to simply listen and be present without trying to one-up you. If someone can sit with you in your pain, without rushing to share their own story or dismissing your feelings, they’re a friend who truly cares. It’s not about giving advice or fixing everything; it’s about making you feel heard.
3. They offer help in real, practical ways.
It’s easy to say, “Let me know if you need anything,” but true friends go further. They offer specific support, like cooking a meal, helping with errands, or just keeping you company when you’re feeling low. Even if they can’t fix the problem, they show up in ways that make your life easier. If a friend steps in and takes action instead of just offering empty words, they’re showing that they genuinely want to be there for you.
4. They don’t get awkward or avoid you.
Some people disappear when things get heavy because they don’t know what to say. While it’s understandable, a real friend won’t let discomfort keep them from being there for you. Even if they don’t have the perfect words, they’ll show up, listen, and remind you that you’re not alone. They won’t tiptoe around your struggles or pretend everything is fine just because it makes them feel more comfortable.
5. They don’t judge you for struggling.
Life is messy, and we all have moments where we don’t handle things perfectly. A real friend understands this and doesn’t criticise you for feeling down, making mistakes, or needing extra support. If someone makes you feel worse instead of supporting you, they’re not the kind of friend you need in tough times. True friendship is about lifting each other up, not making each other feel guilty for having a hard time.
6. They respect your need for space.
While some people need constant support, others need time alone to process their emotions. A true friend understands this and doesn’t pressure you to talk if you’re not ready. If they give you space without taking it personally or making you feel guilty, they respect you enough to let you heal in your own way. They trust that when you’re ready, you’ll reach out.
7. They’re excited for even your smallest wins.
When you’re going through a rough patch, even small victories—getting out of bed, finishing a task, making it through the day—are worth celebrating. A real friend recognises your progress, no matter how small. They remind you that even in difficult times, you’re still moving forward, and that encouragement can mean everything. They don’t just focus on the struggle; they help you see the strength in yourself, even when you can’t.
8. They stick around even when you’re not at your best.
It’s easy to be friends with someone when they’re fun, happy, and full of energy. But true friends don’t leave when you’re struggling, drained, or not your usual self. If someone only wants to be around when you’re “fun” but disappears when you need support, they’re not a real friend—they’re just there for the good times. The people who stand by you in the hard times are the ones who truly matter.
9. They don’t gossip about what you’re going through.
A real friend respects your privacy and doesn’t use your struggles as a story to tell other people. They support you, not spread your business around. If you hear your personal struggles coming back to you from someone else, it’s a clear sign that the friend who shared it wasn’t really looking out for you. The best friends keep your trust safe, even when you’re not around to hear what they say.
10. They make an effort, even when life is busy.
Everyone has their own responsibilities, but a true friend will still find time to check in, even if it’s just a quick message or a short call. They don’t let life get so busy that they forget about you. If someone disappears completely when you’re struggling but suddenly reappears when they need something, they might not be as invested in the friendship as you are. A real friend makes time because they care, not just because it’s convenient.
11. They support your decisions, even if they don’t fully understand them.
Real friends don’t have to agree with everything you do, but they respect your choices and support you regardless. If you make a tough decision—whether it’s ending a relationship, changing jobs, or setting boundaries—they stand by you. If a friend constantly questions your choices in a way that makes you doubt yourself instead of lifting you up, they might not have your best interests at heart. True support means trusting you to make the best choices for yourself.
12. They remind you of your worth.
During rough patches, self-doubt can creep in, making you feel like you’re failing or not good enough. A true friend won’t let you sit in that mindset for too long. They remind you of your strengths, your past achievements, and the fact that you’re more than whatever you’re going through right now. They see the version of you that you might have forgotten exists.
13. They don’t make everything about themselves.
While friendships should be balanced, a true friend recognises when you need extra support. They won’t make your rough patch about their problems, their emotions, or their experiences. If someone constantly shifts the focus back to themselves instead of giving you space to talk, they might not be as supportive as you thought. Real friends know when to listen and let the conversation be about you.
14. They’re still there long after the worst has passed.
Some people check in when things are at their worst but disappear once life starts returning to normal. A real friend doesn’t just support you during the low moments; they stick around to see you through the healing process, too. They don’t treat your friendship as a temporary obligation; they’re there for the long haul, no matter what life throws your way. That’s how you know who’s truly in your corner.
