Narcissists spend a lot of time projecting confidence, control, and superiority.
They thrive on admiration, validation, and the belief that they are always right. Of course, beneath that polished exterior is a fragile sense of self that cracks under pressure. When things don’t go their way, narcissists unravel quickly and in ways that might surprise you. Their typical charm and arrogance can quickly turn into desperation, anger, or complete withdrawal. If you’ve ever seen a narcissist under pressure, these behaviours will probably look familiar.
1. They lash out with extreme defensiveness.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists rely on the image they’ve carefully crafted for themselves for years, so when that image is threatened, they react aggressively. Any criticism, no matter how small, can set them off into a defensive spiral. They might explode with rage, attack the person questioning them, or twist the situation so that they become the victim. Instead of acknowledging their flaws, they double down on blaming other people. Nothing is ever their fault, of course.
2. They try to guilt-trip people into supporting them.
When narcissists feel like they’re losing control, they quickly move into victim mode. Suddenly, they’re not the powerful, confident person they usually portray; instead, they act as if the world is against them. They’ll exaggerate their suffering, make everyone feel bad for them, and try to guilt-trip people into offering sympathy and validation. It’s a manipulative tactic designed to keep people emotionally invested in them.
3. They rewrite history to avoid responsibility.
When confronted with something they’ve done wrong, they love nothing more than to twist the past to suit their narrative. They’ll deny things they said, change key details, or completely flip the story to paint themselves as the victim. It’s not just lying; it’s a form of self-protection. If they can convince other people (and themselves) that they weren’t at fault, they don’t have to deal with the uncomfortable reality of being wrong.
4. They become emotionally unpredictable.
Their emotional state can be all over the place when they feel like they’re losing control. One moment, they might act defeated and hopeless, only to explode with anger minutes later. Because their sense of self is so fragile, they don’t have the emotional resilience to handle setbacks. Instead, they swing between extremes—playing the victim, lashing out, or retreating into silent resentment.
5. They project their failures onto other people.
When things go wrong, they won’t take responsibility. Instead, they’ll blame everyone else for their mistakes. If they lose a job, it’s because their boss was out to get them. If a relationship fails, it’s because the other person was “crazy” or “toxic.” They can’t accept failure or rejection, so they make it someone else’s fault. That allows them to protect their self-image without having to face any personal shortcomings.
6. They look for instant validation.
A narcissist’s self-worth is built on external validation. When they experience a setback, they desperately need reassurance from other people to repair their bruised ego. They might post vague, attention-seeking messages on social media, fish for compliments, or surround themselves with people who will tell them what they want to hear. They need constant reminders of their worth to counteract their internal panic.
7. They use the silent treatment as a weapon.
When a narcissist feels like they’ve lost control over someone, they may resort to the silent treatment. Instead of communicating, they’ll completely withdraw, refusing to acknowledge the other person. It’s a way of punishing those who don’t comply with their expectations. By creating emotional distance, they regain a sense of power and leave the other person feeling confused, guilty, or desperate to fix the situation.
8. They make everything about their pain.
Even if someone else is struggling, they’ll find a way to make the situation about themselves. If a friend is grieving, the narcissist will turn the conversation to their own problems. If a partner is upset, the narcissist will claim they’re the real victim. They don’t have the capacity for genuine empathy. Their own feelings always take priority, and they’ll use any situation as an opportunity to draw attention back to themselves.
9. They sabotage themselves (and other people).
When they feel like they’re failing, they tend to resort to self-sabotage. They’ll make reckless decisions, destroy relationships, or create unnecessary drama as a way of avoiding personal accountability. In some cases, they’ll even try to bring other people down with them. If they feel like they’re losing, they’ll make sure no one else “wins” either.
10. They become obsessed with revenge.
If they feel betrayed, rejected, or humiliated, they don’t just let it go; they plot revenge. They want to regain power and make the other person pay for making them feel weak. Whether it’s spreading rumours, turning mutual friends against someone, or trying to make an ex jealous, they’ll go to great lengths to “win” in their own mind. What’s worse, they won’t stop until they’re sure they’ve achieved their “victory.”
11. They pretend everything is fine (even when it’s not).
Some narcissists, instead of openly lashing out, go into damage control mode. They’ll act as if nothing is wrong, putting on a mask of confidence and pretending they aren’t affected by setbacks. They might post exaggerated happy moments on social media, fake success, or act overly cheerful to convince everyone else (and themselves) that they’re still in control.
12. They suddenly play the “changed person” role.
When faced with losing someone important, they may temporarily act like they’ve changed. They’ll apologise, promise to do better, or even admit to past mistakes, but this transformation rarely lasts. As soon as they regain trust or control, they usually return to their old ways. The “changed person” act is just another manipulation tool to get what they want.
13. They immediately start looking for new “supply.”
If a relationship ends, or they lose a source of validation, they never take time to heal or reflect. Instead, they quickly look for a new person to fill the void. They might jump into a rebound relationship, seek attention from friends, or surround themselves with admirers who will boost their ego. They need a steady stream of validation to avoid facing their own feelings of inadequacy.
14. They exaggerate their importance.
When feeling vulnerable, some narcissists cope by inflating their own sense of importance. They’ll talk about how many people “depend” on them, how no one could ever replace them, or how they’re destined for greatness. They do this to convince themselves (and other people) that they’re still superior, even when things are falling apart around them.
15. They spiral into self-pity.
When all else fails, narcissists sometimes collapse into complete self-pity. They’ll act as if they are the most misunderstood, mistreated person in the world, hoping for sympathy and attention. They may not be able to admit fault, but they still want to be seen as the “real” victim. This tactic often works because it draws other people back in to comfort them, giving them exactly what they want.
