Some people find it hard to be upfront and honest.
They might know that telling the truth is the best and most noble option, but actually doing that doesn’t come naturally to them. Instead, to avoid awkwardness or confrontation, they’ll sidestep honesty by using a whole lot of excuses, justifications, and word salad that’s incredibly frustrating to anyone subject to their lies (or, rather, their purposeful omissions). Here are some things people who refuse to be straight-up often say instead.
1. “I never said that.”
People sometimes deny their own words in hopes that you’ll doubt your memory or abandon the topic. They’ll act flustered or offended, insisting your recollection is off-base. By questioning your version of events, they pull focus away from the actual issue at hand.
If you press them for details, they often can’t provide any solid proof, but they might double down on denial. Their goal is to introduce enough confusion that you give up. It’s a sneaky form of gaslighting, making you second-guess your own ears. Pay attention to patterns—if “I never said that” becomes a go-to phrase, there’s a good chance they’re dodging the truth.
2. “That’s not what happened.”
Source: Unsplash When someone’s desperate to avoid accountability, they’ll outright challenge the facts. They’ll paint a different version of the story, sometimes even spinning a bizarre narrative that doesn’t align with reality. The hope is that you won’t bother digging deeper or verifying the details.
If you counter with evidence, they might dismiss it as irrelevant or claim you’re mixing up the timeline. This strategy is all about rewriting history to suit their comfort. It can be exhausting to argue every single detail, so many people back off—exactly what the evasive person wants.
3. “Why are we even talking about this?”
Source: Unsplash Deflection is a classic tactic; they turn the focus on why you’re bringing something up in the first place, instead of addressing the issue. It can leave you feeling like the bad guy for mentioning it. By questioning the topic’s relevance, they hope you’ll drop it.
They may call the discussion a waste of time or accuse you of stirring drama. The idea is to make you feel guilty for caring about it. It’s a quick way to steer the conversation away from their own questionable actions, so stay on track if you suspect they’re just trying to wriggle free.
4. “You’re taking this way too seriously.”
Source: Unsplash When someone doesn’t want to own their mistakes, they’ll frame your concern as an overreaction. Suddenly, you’re the sensitive one who can’t take a joke or lighten up. It’s a sneaky move that aims to invalidate your feelings.
They might throw in phrases like “Don’t be so dramatic” to keep you on the defensive. If you try to explain why it’s important, they may roll their eyes or shrug. This move can cause you to question whether you’re truly overreacting, which is exactly how they dodge the spotlight on their own behaviour.
5. “I was just kidding.”
When cornered, people might claim everything was meant as harmless fun. They’ll say you misunderstood the joke, subtly blaming you for not laughing along. If you call them out, they insist there’s nothing to address because it was “only” humour.
The real issue is often buried under that disclaimer. By passing it off as a joke, they avoid apologising or digging into why it was hurtful. You’re left feeling uptight for taking them at their word. Pay attention if “I was just kidding” pops up every time they’re confronted—it could be a mask for dishonesty.
6. “Let’s talk about it later.”
Stalling is another tactic: they figure if they push the conversation off, you’ll forget or lose steam. They might smile politely, say they’re busy, or promise to circle back when they have more time. But that “later” never really comes.
Eventually, the topic is so stale it feels awkward to bring up again. If you persist, they’ll act like you’re fixated on ancient history. It just drags out any resolution indefinitely, allowing them to skirt around accountability. Keep track of how often they postpone—chronic delays can be a sign they’re dodging the truth.
7. “I’m not sure where you heard that.”
They claim ignorance, acting like the information you’ve got must be incorrect or secondhand gossip. It’s an attempt to cast doubt on your sources and shift the burden of proof onto you. They want you scrambling to validate your facts rather than questioning their behaviour.
Sometimes they’ll feign surprise or even concern, as if they’re genuinely confused about the rumour. This forces you to explain yourself, taking the heat off them. By the time you’ve laid out your evidence, they’ve used the extra minutes to come up with a fresh defence. It’s a slick move to keep you on the back foot.
8. “I don’t remember saying that.”
When you quote them directly or refer to a promise they made, they feign a hazy memory. They’ll wrinkle their brow, look thoughtful, and apologise for not remembering. It’s a soft denial that doesn’t directly accuse you of lying, yet it still undermines your point.
This buys them time to figure out how to respond without outright calling you mistaken. It also puts you in the position of having to prove your claim. If their forgetfulness is suspiciously selective, only cropping up around inconvenient truths, it’s a strong hint they’re being less than honest.
9. “Everyone else does it, too.”
If they can’t deny their actions, they’ll try to normalise them. By insisting everyone else is just as guilty, they dilute their own responsibility. They paint you as nitpicky for zeroing in on their behaviour when, in their view, it’s a widespread issue.
This is basically a deflection from the real point: just because lots of people do something doesn’t make it right. It’s a way to sidestep personal accountability by suggesting they’re not uniquely at fault. Don’t let this rationale derail you from addressing the specific wrong they’re trying to gloss over.
10. “You’re imagining things.”
Another version of denial is to label your perception as pure fantasy. They’ll imply you’re conjuring issues out of thin air. By painting you as overly suspicious or paranoid, they hope you’ll back off.
This can be particularly unsettling if you already have self-doubt. You might start questioning your instincts, which is exactly the outcome they’re aiming for. Stay grounded by verifying facts and getting an outside perspective if you think you might need it. If you repeatedly hear “you’re imagining things,” it’s often a red flag they’re dodging the real story.
11. “That’s not really important.”
Dismissing a concern as unimportant is a quick way to make the issue seem trivial. They’ll shrug or roll their eyes, acting like you’re blowing a minor detail out of proportion. In doing so, they try to reshape the conversation into you obsessing over nonsense.
If you start questioning whether it’s really a big deal, they succeed in steering away from the truth. It can be dangerous when it comes to serious issues; by minimising it, they hope you’ll drop it altogether. Remember, if it’s significant enough for you to bring up, it likely matters more than they want to admit.
12. “Can we focus on the positive?”
On the surface, this might sound like a bright, optimistic approach. In reality, it’s a dodge that tells you to ignore a problem and pretend everything’s peachy. They’d rather gloss over tension or lies in favour of forced cheer.
You might feel pressured to let things slide so you don’t seem negative or petty. It’s a sneaky way to guilt you into silence while they keep skating by. Genuine positivity acknowledges issues and works through them; brushing them aside isn’t healthy for any real relationship.
13. “You’re really overreacting.”
Similar to calling you too sensitive, this accusation puts the lens back on you and questions your emotional response. They make it seem like the problem lies in your reaction, not their possible dishonesty. It’s a neat trick to dodge self-reflection.
If they convince you that you’re blowing things out of proportion, you might tone down your concerns. That’s exactly what they’re counting on. Labelling you as emotional or hysterical can be an attempt to invalidate legitimate issues. Watch out if this phrase pops up whenever you bring something serious to their attention.
14. “Let’s not make this a big thing.”
Sometimes people try to diminish their wrongdoing by implying you’re turning it into drama. They’ll say they “hate confrontation” or claim the matter is too minor to fuss over. This angle paints you as the troublemaker for daring to hold them accountable.
Downplaying the situation often goes hand in hand with pushing for a quick resolution, usually with them admitting to nothing. If you push for a deeper discussion, they might roll their eyes or accuse you of picking fights. Don’t be fooled: real honesty sometimes requires uncomfortable conversations, no matter how much they’d rather gloss it over.
15. “I’ll deal with it soon.”
Procrastination can be a powerful avoidance tool. By promising future action, they sidestep any immediate resolution. “Soon” is conveniently vague, letting them appear cooperative without actually doing anything.
They’re counting on you forgetting or getting tired of reminding them. Each time you check back, they might have a new reason why “now” isn’t a good time. It’s a way of offering just enough hope that you won’t push harder, effectively letting them dodge accountability indefinitely.
16. “Trust me, you’re misunderstanding.”
This masquerades as reassurance, but really it’s telling you your perspective is flat-out wrong. They claim you’re misinterpreting their words, body language, or intentions, yet they rarely clarify exactly how. It’s another way to plant doubt in your head.
If you press for clarity, they may offer vague explanations or dodge specifics. The aim is for you to back off, worried you might be reading too much into things. Meanwhile, they avoid presenting hard facts or owning up to the truth. Trust your instincts; if “misunderstanding” is their blanket excuse for everything, it might be time to dig deeper.
