When your partner finds it hard to express themselves, it can feel like there’s a wall between you—one you might not know how to tear down.
You might sense their love, but still feel emotionally distant. The truth is, emotional intimacy doesn’t come from pushing or prying; it comes from gentle, consistent connection that makes openness feel safe. If you’re trying to build that closeness with someone who struggles to share, these small changes can make a big difference. While you shouldn’t have to do all the heavy lifting in the relationship, these generous gestures can pave the way for a much stronger connection.
1. Focus on emotional safety, not pressure.
If someone finds it hard to open up, pressure usually makes them retreat further. They may already feel vulnerable and unsure of how they’ll be received. Creating a space where they feel accepted, even in silence, can be more powerful than trying to get them to talk.
Let them know you’re there without expecting instant sharing. When they feel that you’re patient and steady, they’re more likely to trust that opening up won’t backfire on them. That safety is where intimacy begins.
2. Pay attention to the ways they do connect.
Just because someone doesn’t verbalise emotions easily doesn’t mean they’re not trying to connect. Some people express themselves through actions rather than words—by being physically close, fixing something for you, or showing up consistently. Recognising these efforts helps build mutual understanding. When they feel seen for how they naturally connect, they may feel more comfortable gradually expanding into emotional territory.
3. Share your own feelings calmly and without blame.
Modelling emotional openness helps. Instead of saying, “Why don’t you ever talk to me?”, try sharing something about your own inner world first. You can say things like, “Sometimes I feel a bit disconnected and I really value hearing what’s on your mind.” Going about things this way removes blame and focuses on your own feelings. It invites connection without forcing it, showing them that vulnerability doesn’t have to be scary or confrontational.
4. Don’t interpret silence as a lack of love.
It’s easy to assume that a lack of emotional expression means disinterest, but that’s not always the case. Some people were simply never taught how to articulate their feelings; others might fear being misunderstood or rejected. Try to separate their emotional skill level from their care for you. Their silence might come from fear or habit, not detachment. Giving them time and understanding helps create a safe space for emotional growth.
5. Ask open questions that allow choice.
If your partner shuts down when asked direct or intense questions, try open-ended ones that give them freedom to choose how much they share. Instead of “What’s wrong with you?” try “What kind of day did you have?” Low-pressure questions allow people to warm up emotionally. They create room for conversation rather than demanding disclosure, which can feel intimidating to someone who struggles with vulnerability.
6. Accept that some responses will be brief or guarded.
If your partner replies with short answers or avoids eye contact, it’s not necessarily a sign of avoidance; it may be their way of dipping a toe into emotional waters. Don’t shut the door just because their expression looks different from yours. When they offer even a small piece of honesty, treat it with care. Responding calmly, even if the moment feels awkward—builds trust. Over time, those little moments can evolve into deeper connection.
7. Don’t rush emotional conversations.
For someone who isn’t used to emotional openness, processing takes time. They may need to think things through before they respond or step away before returning to a topic. That pause isn’t a rejection; it’s a coping strategy. Try to hold space for their timing. Let them know you’re available whenever they’re ready, and avoid demanding answers right away. Patience often creates more progress than pressure ever could.
8. Offer physical connection as an entry point.
For some people, physical closeness feels safer than emotional exposure. A touch on the arm, sitting near each other, or simply being physically present can be an invitation to open up emotionally later. That kind of connection isn’t about forcing affection; it’s about reminding them that you’re there, and the relationship is safe. Often, emotional sharing follows when the body feels settled and supported.
9. Avoid turning every moment into a deep talk.
While emotional conversations are important, too many of them can feel overwhelming for someone who’s not wired for constant introspection. Balance matters. Intimacy also builds through shared laughter, light chats, or even comfortable silence. When your partner sees that not every interaction has to be emotionally intense, it reduces pressure and builds trust. From that relaxed foundation, deeper sharing can happen more naturally.
10. Reflect what you hear in simple, non-judgemental ways.
When your partner does open up, even just a little, reflect it back in a calm and validating tone. Saying something like, “That makes sense,” or “I can see why you’d feel that way,” helps them feel understood. You don’t need to fix or analyse—just showing that you’re listening without judgement goes a long way. It reassures them that expressing themselves won’t lead to conflict or disapproval.
11. Be honest about your needs without making them feel wrong.
It’s okay to want emotional closeness. You don’t have to pretend you’re fine with distance if you’re not. However, how you communicate that matters. Saying, “I wish we talked more about how we feel” is different from, “You never open up, and it’s ruining us.”
Framing your needs as desires rather than complaints keeps the conversation open. You’re allowed to want more connection, but delivering that message with care increases the chance it’ll be received with openness rather than defensiveness.
12. Be mindful of your own emotional patterns.
Sometimes when we’re trying to get someone else to open up, we overlook our own reactions. If you tend to shut down when you feel unheard, or become louder when you feel disconnected, notice those patterns. They affect how safe your partner feels emotionally.
Self-awareness doesn’t mean taking all the responsibility, but it does help you show up in ways that encourage closeness instead of conflict. Emotional intimacy is built by both people, even if one struggles to lead the way.
13. Celebrate progress, not perfection.
Your partner might not become a poetic, emotionally fluent person overnight, and that’s okay. If they’re trying, even in small ways, that effort matters. A simple “I appreciate you opening up just now” can go a long way in reinforcing positive change.
Growth isn’t linear. There may be steps forward and steps back. What’s important is that you’re creating a space where emotional sharing is welcomed, not demanded. That kind of environment builds connection over time.
14. Know when to accept limits, and when to ask for more.
It’s okay to reach a point where you need a deeper level of connection than your partner is willing or able to give. Emotional intimacy is a two-way street, and it’s fair to want reciprocity. If you’ve tried, communicated, and created space—and there’s still a wall—it’s worth reflecting on what you need long-term.
Some people grow over time, others stay closed off. You deserve a relationship where your emotional needs aren’t constantly on hold. It’s not about ultimatums; it’s about knowing your limits and what kind of connection you need to feel fulfilled.
