When someone’s in the grip of a panic attack, they’re not looking for advice—they’re looking for safety.
These moments can feel terrifying and disorienting, but your calm presence and support can make all the difference in helping them get through it, as well as how quickly they bounce back to feeling even somewhat “normal” after it’s over. Here’s how to help someone feel genuinely loved while they’re in the middle of it, though make sure you adapt these for the person in your life, since it’s not a one-size-fits-all situation.
1. Stay calm, even if they’re not.
Their nervous system is already in overdrive, meaning if you panic too, it can make things worse. Staying grounded helps them feel less alone and signals that they’re not in danger, even if their body is telling them otherwise. Your calmness doesn’t have to be perfect. Just slowing your voice, softening your movements, and keeping steady eye contact can send the message: “You’re safe with me.” That reassurance matters more than any perfectly chosen words.
2. Don’t try to talk them out of it.
A panic attack isn’t something they can just “snap out of,” and trying to fix it might make them feel misunderstood. Instead of saying “you’re okay,” focus on saying “I’m here.” Being heard and accepted in their fear is far more soothing than being told how to feel.
Validation creates emotional safety. Try something like “I can see you’re really overwhelmed right now, and I’m not going anywhere.” That reminder that you’re staying right there with them is powerful when their body is trying to flee.
3. Offer comfort through tone, not solutions.
The tone you use matters more than your actual words in the moment. Keep your voice slow, warm, and steady. Think less “fix this” and more “I’m with you through it.” Simple phrases like “We’ll get through this together” or “You’re not alone” help ground them. Even if they can’t respond, your voice becomes a lifeline. It’s not about pulling them out; it’s about being there until the wave passes.
4. Help them focus on what’s around them.
During a panic attack, the mind often spirals and disconnects from the present. Gently drawing their attention to their surroundings can interrupt that spiral. You might say, “Can you feel your feet on the floor?” or “Tell me one thing you can see.” These grounding questions aren’t invasive. They’re calm ways of helping them re-engage with the safety of the here and now.
5. Respect their space if they need it.
Not everyone wants physical contact or lots of attention during a panic attack. Asking, “Do you want me close, or would you prefer some space?” shows love without pressure. You can still stay nearby, even from a few feet away, and let your presence speak for itself. Sometimes loving someone means letting them breathe, while still letting them know you’re right there if they need you.
6. Don’t assume they’re being dramatic.
Minimising what they’re going through, even with good intentions, can feel incredibly invalidating. Panic attacks are real, physical, and often terrifying. If they see that you take their experience seriously, they’ll feel safer coming to you in the future. Your trust in them—that what they’re feeling is valid—lays the foundation for emotional closeness and genuine support.
7. Use their name often and gently.
Saying their name in a soft, steady voice can help anchor them. It reminds them who they are, that they’re not lost in this moment, and that someone sees them clearly through the chaos. You don’t need to say much—just weaving their name into quiet encouragement like “You’re doing okay, Jamie,” or “I’m right here, Maya,” can feel incredibly reassuring. It’s a small detail that carries a lot of emotional weight.
8. Let them ride the wave, not fight it.
Panic attacks often come in waves. Trying to resist or “shut it down” can make things worse. Encourage acceptance by saying things like, “This will pass,” or “You’re allowed to feel this.” When you let them know they’re not broken or wrong for feeling overwhelmed, it helps reduce shame. That permission to simply experience the moment without judgement can be one of the most loving things you offer.
9. Remind them that they’ve felt this before and survived.
People in the middle of a panic attack often feel like this one will break them. Gently reminding them of past moments they’ve got through can help build a bridge to safety. You might say, “I remember you told me this happened before, and you got through it.” That quiet reminder of their strength, and of time passing, can be the spark of hope they need in the middle of the storm.
10. Stay patient with the after-effects.
Once the panic has passed, it doesn’t mean they’ll bounce right back. They may feel foggy, ashamed, or even apologetic. Don’t rush them to “get back to normal.” Offer softness and reassurance. Say something like, “You don’t owe me an explanation” or “You did great—I’m just glad you’re okay.” That kind of patience helps them feel accepted, not like a burden they need to recover from.
11. Follow their lead when they’re ready to talk.
Not everyone wants to process their panic attack right away, or at all. Let them decide when (or if) they want to talk about it. Just knowing you’re open to listening if and when they’re ready can feel deeply supportive. Sometimes being loving means holding space rather than asking questions. Letting them know they can be as quiet or as expressive as they want shows emotional safety, and that matters just as much as anything said out loud.
12. Let them know you still see them the same way.
Panic attacks can leave people feeling embarrassed or exposed. Reassure them, even subtly, that this moment doesn’t change how you see them—that they’re still strong, capable, and loved. A quiet smile, a cup of tea, or a small reminder like “You’re still my favourite person” can make them feel grounded and human again. In the aftermath of panic, feeling loved exactly as they are might be the most powerful healing tool you have.
