We tend to think of emotional intelligence as this big, obvious thing—something only a therapist or a mind reader could really spot.
However, low EQ tends to reveal itself in tiny, everyday moments. It’s not always loud or dramatic. In fact, it’s usually not. More often than not, it’s just small patterns that leave you feeling dismissed, frustrated, or unseen, and make them seem painfully unsympathetic and uncaring. Here’s how to spot the signs when someone’s levels of emotional intelligence are way lower than they should be.
1. They interrupt instead of listening.
Someone with low emotional intelligence struggles to truly hear you. They’re often more focused on jumping in with their own thoughts than sitting with yours. Conversations feel less like exchanges and more like battles for airtime. It’s not always them being rude. Usually, it’s because they’re uncomfortable. Deep listening requires patience and self-restraint, and people who haven’t built that muscle often default to talking over people without even noticing the impact.
2. They minimise other people’s feelings.
When you open up, someone with low emotional intelligence might brush it off with “It’s not that bad” or “Other people have it worse.” Instead of meeting your emotions where they are, they try to shortcut through them. Minimising isn’t about helping—it’s about avoiding. Sitting with someone’s hard feelings requires empathy and tolerance for discomfort, and not everyone has learned how to do that yet.
3. They change the subject when things get emotional.
Emotionally intelligent people can handle a little vulnerability in conversation. Those with lower emotional intelligence, however, often panic and steer things back to safe, surface-level topics at the first sign of emotional depth. It’s not always malicious. Sometimes it’s a defence mechanism. Still, when you can’t talk about anything real without someone getting visibly uncomfortable, it’s a sign that emotional awareness isn’t one of their strengths yet.
4. They rarely apologise, or do it poorly.
A real apology requires recognising how your actions impacted someone else. People with low emotional intelligence struggle with this. They either avoid apologising altogether or deliver apologies that deflect responsibility—”I’m sorry you feel that way” being the classic example. It often comes down to a lack of empathy. If you can’t imagine yourself in someone else’s shoes, it’s hard to offer the kind of apology that actually means something and repairs trust.
5. They get defensive over small criticisms.
Emotionally intelligent people can separate who they are from what they do. However, when emotional intelligence is low, even gentle feedback feels like a personal attack, triggering outsized defensiveness or even hostility. Defensiveness shuts down conversations that could lead to growth. Instead of reflecting or asking questions, people with low emotional intelligence often push back, blame other people, or change the subject to avoid feeling uncomfortable.
6. They struggle to read the room.
Someone with strong emotional intelligence can sense when a room feels heavy, when a joke doesn’t land, or when people need space. Someone with low emotional intelligence misses those cues, and often barrels through anyway.
They don’t need to be a mind reader. That would be impossible, anyway. However, they should be attuned to energy, body language, and context. When someone is oblivious to how their words or actions land, it’s often a sign that emotional awareness isn’t their strong suit.
7. They centre themselves in every conversation.
Sharing experiences is natural, but when someone constantly redirects conversations back to their own life, even when you’re trying to be vulnerable, it can feel exhausting. Emotional intelligence involves making space for other people’s stories too. Low emotional intelligence often shows up as conversational self-absorption. It’s not always narcissistic; it’s often unconscious. But either way, it leaves other people feeling unseen and emotionally isolated.
8. They laugh at other people’s discomfort.
There’s a difference between light teasing and laughing at someone who’s clearly uncomfortable or hurting. People with low EQ often struggle to recognise when the joke stopped being funny. It’s usually not about cruelty; it’s about a lack of emotional attunement. They don’t see the wince, the silence, or the small ways someone pulls back. They miss the signs that what was once playful is now painful.
9. They overreact to small inconveniences.
Low emotional intelligence often means poor emotional regulation. Instead of staying grounded when things go wrong, these people might blow up over minor annoyances or treat small problems like personal attacks. It’s not just unpleasant—it’s also a sign that they lack the emotional tools to cope with frustration in healthy, measured ways. Their reactions often feel disproportionate because their emotional world is easily overwhelmed.
10. They don’t notice when someone is uncomfortable.
Someone moving away, crossing their arms, going quiet—these are subtle signs that someone’s uncomfortable. People with low emotional intelligence often miss all of it, pushing conversations or behaviours past the point of welcome. Not noticing discomfort means missing an important part of emotional connection: the ability to adapt, apologise, or back off when needed. Without that skill, interactions can quickly turn from awkward to damaging.
11. They blame other people for their emotions.
Instead of owning how they feel, someone with low emotional intelligence often points fingers: “You made me mad” or “You ruined my day.” Their feelings are always someone else’s responsibility, never their own. That externalisation creates constant conflict. Without the ability to manage their own emotions, they look outward for someone to blame, and often damage relationships in the process.
12. They struggle to celebrate other people’s successes.
Envy and resentment can creep in easily when emotional intelligence is low. Instead of celebrating a friend’s promotion or a family member’s big win, they might downplay it, change the subject, or subtly compete. Genuine happiness for other people requires secure emotional footing. Without it, other people’s success feels threatening instead of inspiring, and that insecurity leaks out in small, cutting ways.
13. They often say “You’re too sensitive” when called out.
When you bring up a hurt or boundary, someone with low emotional intelligence often dismisses you by framing it as your flaw. Instead of engaging with the real issue, they dodge accountability by making it about your supposed overreaction. Calling someone “too sensitive” isn’t feedback—it’s a shutdown. It’s a way of refusing to reflect on their own behaviour, keeping the emotional burden on you instead of sharing responsibility for the impact.
14. They rarely notice or even acknowledge emotional changes in other people.
Emotionally intelligent people can usually tell when a friend’s mood drops or when something feels off. People with low emotional intelligence often miss these changes completely—or worse, ignore them even when they’re obvious.
That lack of noticing leaves friends, partners, and colleagues feeling unseen. It’s not that every bad mood needs fixing. It’s that acknowledging emotional reality is a core part of connection, and when it’s missing, relationships start to fall apart quietly.
15. They struggle with genuine empathy.
Empathy isn’t just feeling sorry for someone. It’s the ability to sit with them emotionally, to feel with them instead of trying to fix, dismiss, or avoid their pain. Low emotional intelligence leaves a big gap where that empathy should be.
Without empathy, relationships feel thin and transactional. You might notice that deeper connection never quite forms, or that when you need emotional support most, they vanish or change the subject. After a while, that absence can feel louder than any words they say.
