When you finally set a boundary with a narcissist and actually stick to it, don’t expect silence or support.
Expect pushback, deflection, and a whole lot of noise. Boundaries feel like rejection to a narcissist, and they’ll do whatever they can to get back in control. Sometimes it’s guilt trips, sometimes it’s flattery, and sometimes it’s straight-up manipulation wrapped in a familiar tone. If you’ve drawn the line, and they’re still talking, here are some things they’re likely to say when your boundary starts to make them squirm.
1. “Wow, you’ve really changed.”
This isn’t meant as a compliment. It’s their way of saying, “I don’t like this new version of you that has a backbone.” They preferred the version of you who bent, explained, and gave in—not the one setting limits. It’s a subtle dig dressed as surprise. You’re supposed to feel guilty for growing. But if the only reason they’re uncomfortable is because you’re protecting your peace, that’s a change worth sticking with.
2. “I guess I’m just the bad guy now.”
Classic guilt bait. They’re hoping you’ll backpedal, soften the boundary, or rush in to comfort them, even though they’re the one who caused the problem in the first place. That’s not self-awareness. It’s a tactic. Turning themselves into the victim is a way to regain control by flipping the emotional spotlight back onto them and off of the actual issue.
3. “You’re just so sensitive.”
When a narcissist doesn’t like your response, they try to discredit your reaction. Calling you sensitive is a way to frame your boundary as an overreaction instead of a valid response. That comment is meant to make you question yourself, to wonder if maybe you’re the problem. But the truth is, noticing mistreatment and saying no to it isn’t sensitivity. It’s clarity.
4. “After everything I’ve done for you?”
This one’s meant to make you feel ungrateful. They’ll suddenly remember every favour, gift, or nice thing they’ve ever done, even if it came with strings or wasn’t actually that generous. They keep receipts, not because they care, but because they want leverage. Your boundary threatens their sense of control, so they’ll try to collect on every emotional IOU, even ones you never signed up for.
5. “You’re not being fair.”
This usually shows up when the narcissist can’t argue with what you said, so they try to question how you said it. They’ll twist the conversation into one about fairness instead of the actual issue at hand. It’s a smokescreen. What they really mean is, “This doesn’t benefit me, and I don’t like it.” Boundaries aren’t about fairness in their eyes; they’re about control. And when they lose some, they cry foul.
6. “Wow, I can’t believe you’d do this to me.”
This makes it sound like you’ve committed a deep betrayal, when really, all you did was express a need or draw a line. Narcissists treat boundaries like personal attacks instead of self-preservation. The goal here is to trigger guilt and get you to back down, but their disbelief isn’t about you hurting them. It’s about you finally choosing yourself instead of them.
7. “You’ve been listening to other people, haven’t you?”
Translation: “Someone else gave you the courage to see me more clearly, and I hate that.” They’ll try to discredit whoever encouraged you or supported your decision to draw the line. This is about isolating you from outside influence. If they can make you doubt your support system, they can pull you back into old patterns where they held all the power.
8. “You’re just trying to make me look bad.”
They’ll assume your boundary is a performance—something you’re doing for attention, sympathy, or status. That’s because they often view the world through a lens of image and reputation, not real connection. However, protecting your peace isn’t about them looking bad; it’s about you feeling whole. If they’re worried about how it looks, it’s probably because it’s exposing something they don’t want to face.
9. “You’re blowing this out of proportion.”
Minimising is one of their go-to moves. If they can convince you that what happened wasn’t a big deal, they can make you feel silly or dramatic for caring in the first place. This makes you second-guess your instincts, but trust this—if something felt off enough for you to set a boundary, it mattered. You’re not overreacting. You’re responding to a pattern that finally crossed the line.
10. “I guess you don’t love me anymore.”
Here comes the emotional blackmail. The moment you prioritise your needs, they pull the love card—not to have a real conversation, but to guilt you back into compliance. They’re using your care against you. Love doesn’t disappear when you set boundaries, but manipulation often does, and that’s what they’re afraid of losing.
11. “You’re so cold now.”
This comment is all about making you feel like you’ve become someone heartless or cruel. In reality, you’ve just stopped tolerating their nonsense, and they don’t know how to handle that version of you. Boundaries can look like distance, but they’re not about shutting people out. They’re about keeping your energy safe, and if that feels cold to someone who was benefitting from your lack of limits, that’s on them.
12. “I was just joking.”
They cross a line, you call it out, and suddenly, it was “just a joke.” This is a common tactic to dismiss your feelings and avoid accountability, especially when their words were cutting or condescending. Humour doesn’t cancel harm. If it hurt, it wasn’t funny — and laughing it off doesn’t make it okay. You’re allowed to hold people accountable, even when they try to hide behind a punchline.
13. “Other people don’t have a problem with me.”
This is their way of shifting the focus. Instead of addressing what you’re saying, they compare your reaction to how other people supposedly treat them, making you feel like you’re the issue. However, your boundary isn’t about what everyone else tolerates; it’s about what you are no longer okay with. You don’t need a group consensus to honour your needs. You only need your own clarity.
14. “You’re being manipulated.”
Ironically, the narcissist might accuse you of being the one who’s being controlled, especially if someone has helped you see things more clearly. This is projection, plain and simple. They’ll say you’ve changed, that someone’s got in your head, or that you’re “not yourself.” But what’s really happening is you’re stepping into your power, and they don’t like that shift.
15. “Fine. Do whatever you want.”
When all else fails, they might back off with fake indifference. It sounds like surrender, but it’s actually a test; they’re watching to see if you’ll feel guilty and chase after them to fix things. That passive-aggressive silence isn’t peace. It’s another power play. Let them sit in it. You’re not obligated to make anyone comfortable with a boundary that was long overdue.
