There’s a particular kind of fury and outrage that comes when someone tries to embarrass you on purpose, especially in front of other people.
Whether they mask it as “just joking” or go straight for the jugular, public humiliation is meant to shake you. It’s about control, not comedy, and the way you respond matters. The point here is not to win, but to protect your own dignity. Here’s how to handle those moments without letting them define you.
1. Don’t take the bait.
Source: Unsplash The person trying to humiliate you wants a reaction. Whether it’s anger, shame, or panic, their goal is to knock you off-centre. The more emotional you get, the more power they feel they’ve gained. That doesn’t mean you have to pretend it didn’t hurt. It means you buy yourself some time—just long enough to stay grounded and show you’re not here to play their game.
2. Say less, not more.
When you feel attacked, it’s natural to want to explain, defend, or talk your way out of the moment. However, too much explaining can come across as scrambling—even when you’re completely in the right. Keep it short. A calm “Noted,” “That’s not true,” or even silence can say more than any long-winded comeback. Dignity doesn’t need a microphone.
3. Call it what it is, if it’s safe to do so.
If the situation allows, you can calmly say, “That felt like you were trying to embarrass me.” It might stop them in their tracks—not because they suddenly feel guilty, but because you broke the script. They expect flustered silence or a dramatic reaction. Naming it directly shows control. You’re not pretending you didn’t notice. You’re making it clear you won’t pretend.
4. Stay aware of your body language.
You might not say much, but how you stand matters. Shoulders relaxed, chin up, steady eye contact if you feel comfortable. Your posture can make a stronger statement than your words. It says: I’m still here. I’m not shrinking. You may have tried to rattle me, but I’m not giving you the satisfaction.
5. Don’t try to match their energy.
You might be tempted to snap back with something just as cutting. While that might feel good for a second, it usually makes things worse or draws you into their chaos. Choosing not to retaliate isn’t weakness—it’s strategy. You’re showing that your self-control is stronger than their attempt to drag you down.
6. Remember who the real audience is.
In public moments, it’s easy to feel like everyone’s watching and silently judging. However, most people can tell when someone’s being mean for the sake of it, and they often side with the person being targeted. If you hold your ground, people notice. You might feel alone in the moment, but your quiet strength leaves an impression long after the comment fades.
7. Use humour if you feel genuinely at ease.
Sometimes, a dry or light-hearted comeback can neutralise the tension without escalating things. Of course, it only works if you genuinely feel calm—not if you’re using humour to mask panic. A well-timed, “You’ve been saving that one, haven’t you?” or “Impressive effort” can take the wind out of their sails. Only use this if it feels authentic, not forced.
8. Don’t justify your worth.
When someone puts you down, you might feel the urge to prove them wrong—to list your accomplishments, clarify your choices, or highlight your intentions. You don’t need to do that. Their attempt to humiliate you says more about them than it ever will about you. You don’t owe anyone a performance to remind them you matter.
9. Let your silence say everything.
Silence, when intentional, can be incredibly powerful. If someone tries to embarrass you and you simply stare at them—calm, unreadable, and unmoved—it unsettles them. It creates a vacuum where they expected drama. And in that vacuum, the weight of their own behaviour often becomes clearer than anything you could say.
10. Watch what happens after the moment.
People who humiliate others rarely do it once. Notice their patterns. Do they always do this in front of an audience? Do they only target certain people? Seeing it clearly helps you take their words less personally. You stop internalising their cruelty and start recognising it as a reflection of their insecurity.
11. Reconnect with your centre afterwards.
Even if you handled it well, moments like this can leave a sting. Take a few minutes after to ground yourself—step outside, call someone, write it down. Your goal isn’t to erase what happened—it’s to remind yourself that you’re steady, intact, and still in control of your own narrative.
12. Don’t waste time rewriting the moment in your head.
You’ll probably replay it later—thinking of better things you could’ve said or wishing you’d reacted differently. That’s normal, but try not to get stuck there. You did what you could in a charged moment. That version of you deserves grace, not critique. Humiliation loses power when you stop letting it live rent-free in your mind.
13. Talk to someone who gets it.
If it really shook you, say something—not to feed the drama, but to ground yourself in perspective. A friend or therapist can help pull the moment out of your chest and back into reality. Sometimes, hearing “That wasn’t about you” from someone else is exactly what you need to hear, even if part of you already knows it.
14. Don’t pretend it didn’t matter (if it did).
Brushing it off like it didn’t touch you might seem like the strong thing to do, but that can backfire. Suppressed shame has a way of showing up elsewhere. It’s okay to admit it hurt. What matters is what you do with that feeling, not whether you had it in the first place. You’re human, after all.
15. Hold them accountable if you need to.
In some cases, a private follow-up is worth it. Especially if this is someone in your life long-term. You can calmly say, “That crossed a line,” or “That didn’t sit right with me.” You’re not being dramatic; you’re being clear. It’s how you teach people how to treat you, even if they didn’t expect consequences.
16. Remember this: your worth isn’t on trial.
Humiliation tricks you into thinking you’ve been exposed as “less than.” However, your value doesn’t shrink just because someone tried to mock it. Their attempt to undermine you doesn’t get the final say. You’re still whole. Still grounded. Still the same person you were before their words landed. The difference is that you now know exactly who they are.
