When you’re dealing with a narcissist, it’s never straightforward.
The inevitable manipulation you’ll experience from them doesn’t always come in obvious forms—it often hides in subtle digs, emotional confusion, or moments that leave you doubting your own instincts. That’s what makes it so draining. But even if you can’t stop them from playing mind games, you can stay strong through them, and not let them get to you. And while the best option here is just to get this person out of your life, that’s not always possible—at least not right away. In the meantime, here’s how to hold onto yourself when someone is constantly trying to mess with your head.
1. Recognise manipulation the moment it starts.
Narcissists thrive on keeping you emotionally off balance. One day they’re praising you, the next they’re pulling away, criticising, or pretending nothing happened. It’s not random—it’s a control tactic. Your strength starts with awareness. When you can name what’s happening—gaslighting, stonewalling, guilt-tripping—you stop internalising it. You stop asking “What did I do wrong?” and start seeing the pattern for what it is.
2. Stop justifying your boundaries.
You don’t owe anyone an essay on why you said no. Narcissists often push for explanations so they can poke holes in them. They’ll twist your words or use your reasoning against you later. Stand strong in your no without apology. A simple “That doesn’t work for me” or “I’m not comfortable with that” is enough. Clarity without defence is powerful—it shows them you’re no longer playing their game.
3. Trust how you feel, even if they don’t validate it.
Narcissists are masters at invalidating emotions. They’ll tell you that you’re too sensitive, that you misunderstood, or that you’re overreacting. Over time, that can make you second-guess your gut. The thing is, your feelings are real. If something feels off, disrespectful, or exhausting—it is. You don’t need their agreement for your reality to be valid. Strength means trusting yourself, especially when they try to talk you out of it.
4. Don’t respond to bait.
They’ll say something provocative just to get a rise out of you. It could be a backhanded compliment, a loaded question, or a silent treatment stretch that dares you to chase them. Refusing to engage doesn’t make you passive—it makes you powerful. You’re showing that your energy is no longer up for grabs. Let the silence sit. Let the bait dangle. You don’t have to bite.
5. Keep your responses neutral, not emotional.
When narcissists sense strong emotion, especially anger or hurt, they use it as ammunition. They’ll either mock you for it or spin the story to make themselves the victim. One way to stay strong is by going grey rock. Keep your tone flat, your replies brief, and your energy low. You’re not giving them anything to escalate with. You’re stepping out of the drama triangle entirely.
6. Stop trying to prove your worth.
You could give everything—your time, your love, your explanations—and it still wouldn’t be enough. That’s by design. Narcissists create moving goalposts so you’ll stay stuck trying to earn what should be freely given. You don’t need to be more “understanding” or “less emotional.” You just need to remember that healthy people don’t make you beg for basic respect. The game ends when you stop playing for approval.
7. Document what they say (especially if they deny it later).
One of the most destabilising tactics narcissists use is denying things they clearly said or did. You start questioning your memory—or worse, your sanity. Keeping brief notes or screenshots gives you something solid to hold onto. You’re not keeping receipts for revenge—you’re keeping clarity for your own peace of mind. It’s easier to stay grounded when gaslighting doesn’t have a place to take root.
8. Don’t explain your boundaries twice.
Narcissists often pretend not to hear your first boundary—so you’ll say it again, more gently, more elaborately, Of course, they heard you the first time. They’re just testing your firmness. Say it once. If they keep pushing, the issue isn’t misunderstanding—it’s disrespect. Strength is knowing you don’t need to get louder or nicer to be taken seriously. You just need to hold your ground and follow through.
9. Keep your support system close, even if they try to isolate you.
Narcissists often try to chip away at your other relationships. They may talk badly about your friends, act jealous of your time, or make you feel guilty for needing outside support. Stay connected. Keep people around you who remind you of who you are, not who the narcissist says you are. You’ll stay stronger with a reality check nearby, and with people who reflect you back with clarity and care.
10. Don’t share everything you’re thinking.
The more they know about your emotional state, the more they can use it. That’s a hard truth to accept, for sure, but keeping certain thoughts private can protect your peace. Strength doesn’t mean openness to everyone. It means knowing who’s earned your trust. You don’t owe vulnerability to someone who’s already shown they’ll twist it.
11. Remind yourself this isn’t about fairness—it’s about control.
Trying to get a narcissist to see your side, acknowledge harm, or play fair usually leads nowhere. That’s because their goal isn’t resolution—it’s dominance. When you accept that, you stop getting pulled into endless loops of explaining, defending, and hoping for clarity. You conserve your energy for what matters—healing, protecting your space, and getting clear on what you want to do next.
12. Give yourself permission to detach emotionally.
You can still care, still wish things were different, and still choose to detach. Emotional distance doesn’t mean coldness—it means self-preservation. If they stop getting the reactions they used to count on, the game often loses its power. You’re not cutting them off emotionally—you’re choosing not to keep bleeding for someone who treats pain like leverage.
13. Don’t argue with someone who’s trying to confuse you.
Narcissists don’t argue to resolve—they argue to dominate. Logic won’t fix it. Empathy won’t reach them. They twist the conversation until you’re defending things you never even said. Your strength is knowing when to walk away. You don’t need to “win” the point. You just need to protect your peace. Let them think they’ve won the argument—while you win your freedom from it.
14. Measure progress by how much of yourself you’ve reclaimed.
Staying strong isn’t about never feeling shaken. It’s about how quickly you return to yourself. How you stop explaining, stop chasing, stop absorbing blame that was never yours. Even if you’re still dealing with them, notice the changes. You’re quieter inside. You’re clearer. You don’t believe every accusation. That’s strength. That’s healing. And that’s how you start walking toward peace—one boundary, one clear breath, one reclaimed moment at a time.
