Supporting someone with OCD doesn’t just require being patient—it’s also important to learn about what’s really going on beneath the surface.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder is more than just habits or quirks. It’s a cycle of intrusive thoughts and compulsions that can be exhausting, frustrating, and isolating. If someone close to you is living with OCD, here are 10 ways to show up for them in a way that actually helps.
1. Learn what OCD actually is.
Before anything else, take the time to understand what OCD really looks like. It’s not just about handwashing or neatness—it’s often about mental rituals, intrusive thoughts, and anxiety that feels impossible to shut off. The more you understand it as a disorder and not a personality trait, the more helpful you’ll be. Compassion starts with context, and learning about the condition means you’ll respond with less judgement and more clarity.
2. Don’t play along with every compulsion.
It can be tempting to help someone with OCD avoid their anxiety by joining in their rituals—checking the lock with them five times, giving constant reassurance, or avoiding certain topics. However, while it feels kind in the moment, it can actually reinforce the cycle.
It’s more helpful in the long run to support them in facing the anxiety rather than working around it. You can still be kind and present without feeding the compulsion itself. This is where professional guidance is really useful, especially if you’re unsure where the line is.
3. Be patient when progress is slow.
Treatment for OCD often involves discomfort. Whether it’s therapy, medication, or exposure work, it’s rarely a fast or straight path. Some days will be harder than others, and setbacks can happen even after big wins. What they need from you is steadiness. You don’t have to fix everything—you just need to remind them they’re not alone, even when things feel stuck or messy.
4. Don’t minimise their anxiety.
OCD can make people obsess over things that seem irrational to other people—thoughts about harm, guilt, contamination, or superstitions. But what feels “silly” to you can feel incredibly real and overwhelming to them. Instead of saying things like “Just stop thinking about it” or “That’s not a big deal,” try: “That sounds really tough—how can I support you through it?” Validating their distress doesn’t mean you agree with the thought. It just means you’re acknowledging how hard it is.
5. Gently encourage professional support.
OCD is treatable, but it often requires help beyond what loved ones can give. Encouraging them to get therapy—especially cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) with exposure and response prevention (ERP)—can be a major step forward. Frame it as something empowering, not something they’re “failing” without. You can offer to help them find a therapist, go with them to an appointment, or just listen when they need to vent about the process.
6. Respect their triggers without walking on eggshells.
If they’ve shared what sets off their OCD, it’s kind to be mindful of those things. However, there’s a balance between being respectful and becoming overly cautious to the point where it reinforces avoidance behaviours. Ask them what helps. Often, people with OCD would rather have honest communication than feel like everyone’s tiptoeing around them. Finding that balance together builds trust and reduces stress on both sides.
7. Don’t take it personally if they’re struggling to connect.
When someone’s stuck in an OCD loop, it can be hard for them to focus on anything else—including relationships. They might seem distant, distracted, or emotionally flat during high-anxiety periods. That doesn’t mean they don’t care. It just means their brain is in survival mode. Giving them space without guilt-tripping, while still staying close by, can make a big difference.
8. Celebrate wins, no matter how small.
OCD recovery is built on small steps. Touching something without washing, delaying a compulsion, sitting with discomfort—these things take massive effort. When they manage it, acknowledge it. You don’t need to go overboard. A simple “I saw how hard that was for you—that’s amazing” can be more encouraging than you realise. It helps them feel seen and supported in the work they’re doing.
9. Know that OCD isn’t logical, so don’t argue with it like it is.
Trying to reason someone out of an obsession rarely works. OCD isn’t a belief system—it’s anxiety in disguise. If they’re afraid they’ve done something wrong or that something terrible will happen, facts won’t always cut through. What helps more is being calm, consistent, and emotionally available. You don’t need to agree with the fear. You just need to help them feel safe while they work through it.
10. Take care of yourself, too.
Caring for someone with OCD can be draining. You might feel helpless, frustrated, or burnt out—especially if their behaviour starts affecting your own mental health. It’s okay to have boundaries and needs, too. Support them, but don’t neglect yourself in the process. Talk to someone, get support if you need it, and remember—you’re allowed to care for them and yourself at the same time.
