We all know someone who constantly needs to be the centre of attention, and they’re so annoying.
They take over every conversation, exaggerate their experiences, and make everything about them. Ugh. While everyone likes the spotlight occasionally, compulsive attention seekers take it to another level, and it can be draining to deal with. If you find yourself walking on eggshells around someone who’s always chasing the spotlight, here are some honest, low-drama ways to handle it without losing your patience—or your sense of self.
1. Don’t feed the performance.
Attention seekers thrive on reactions, whether it’s praise, concern, or even frustration. The more energy you give to their dramatic stories or over-the-top behaviour, the more fuel they get. Sometimes, the kindest and most effective thing you can do is not react the way they want.
That doesn’t mean being cold, but it does mean not playing into the performance. If someone constantly exaggerates or stirs drama to stay in the spotlight, letting it pass without fanfare can gently reduce the payoff they get from it.
2. Stay calm and grounded when they up the ante.
Compulsive attention seekers often up the ante when they feel ignored or sidelined. They might create emotional scenes, drop shocking comments, or flip the focus back to themselves mid-conversation. When that happens, the key is not to match their intensity. Stay calm, stay centred, and resist being pulled into their emotional spin cycle. The less reactive you are, the more you protect your energy, and the less rewarding the behaviour becomes for them.
3. Don’t take it personally.
Their need for attention isn’t a reflection of your worth or your value in the relationship. It’s something they’re trying to soothe in themselves, usually without much self-awareness. If you feel constantly sidelined, it’s easy to internalise their behaviour as rejection. However, most attention seekers aren’t trying to hurt you—they’re just trying to fill a gap they haven’t figured out how to address properly.
4. Set subtle boundaries around your energy.
Instead of confronting them head-on every time they make something about themselves, try redirecting your energy. Change the subject, bring other people into the conversation, or step away when things get emotionally intense for no reason. These are quiet boundaries that say, “I’m not here to constantly validate you.” You don’t need to justify or explain every time. Sometimes a change in focus is enough to reset the dynamic.
5. Don’t play therapist.
It’s tempting to try to understand them deeply or “fix” whatever emotional wound is making them act this way. However, if someone is compulsively attention-seeking, it’s not your job to unpack their past or heal their ego. Supportive listening has its limits, especially when it turns into emotional babysitting. If the pattern repeats, no matter how understanding you are, it’s a sign they’re not looking for connection. They’re just looking for constant validation.
6. Give sincere praise sparingly, but meaningfully.
If you want to be kind without enabling, offer positive attention when it’s deserved, not just when it’s demanded. A genuine compliment carries more weight than constant reassurance thrown their way just to keep the peace. Attention seekers often can’t tell the difference at first, but as time goes on, being around someone who gives thoughtful, grounded recognition (and not constant applause) can help change their expectations.
7. Redirect the focus when possible.
If someone keeps dragging every conversation back to themselves, you can gently steer things in another direction. Ask about someone else in the group. Bring up a topic that doesn’t allow for constant one-upping or self-centred commentary. This helps remind everyone, including the attention seeker, that other voices matter too. And sometimes, it nudges them out of their loop without making things awkward or confrontational.
8. Don’t compete for space.
When someone is constantly vying for attention, it’s tempting to fight back for your place in the spotlight. The thing is, getting into a battle over who’s more interesting or who’s had it worse usually just escalates the whole dynamic. Instead of playing tug-of-war with the conversation, hold your ground calmly. You don’t need to outshine them—you just need to honour your own voice without getting sucked into the noise.
9. Recognise when they’re being vulnerable underneath it all.
Not every attention-seeking moment is just noise. Sometimes, the behaviour is covering up insecurity, fear, or loneliness. You don’t have to tolerate constant drama, but it helps to notice when someone’s actually struggling underneath the surface. It’s okay to respond with care without being pulled into a spiral. A simple “Are you okay?” can be grounding, and can sometimes change the energy from attention-seeking to something more real.
10. Limit one-on-one time if it drains you.
If you find yourself exhausted after every interaction, it’s okay to spend less time with them—or choose settings where other people are around. Group environments can dilute the intensity and help balance the attention dynamic. You’re allowed to protect your energy without making it a big deal. It’s not about rejection—it’s about finding the space where your own needs aren’t constantly overshadowed.
11. Don’t reward passive-aggressive behaviour.
Some attention seekers use guilt, silence, or backhanded comments to pull focus. They might sulk when they’re not the centre of the conversation or say things like “No one ever listens to me” to drag the spotlight back. It’s important not to overcompensate in response. Instead, respond neutrally or with quiet compassion—without giving them the dramatic comeback they’re hoping for. That approach breaks the cycle without creating conflict.
12. Talk to them honestly if the relationship matters.
If this is someone close to you, and the dynamic is causing real tension, it might be worth gently addressing it. Keep the focus on how you feel, not what they’re doing wrong. Use phrases like “I feel drained when…” or “It’s hard for me to share space when…” They might not respond well at first, but an honest, respectful conversation can sometimes open the door to more balanced communication—especially if they don’t realise how their behaviour is affecting other people.
13. Accept that some people won’t change.
At the end of the day, not everyone is willing—or able—to move out of these patterns. Some people will always chase validation, even at the expense of other people’s comfort or connection. You can still be kind and respectful while keeping your distance. Choosing not to engage deeply with someone who constantly drains you isn’t cold. It’s self-preservation, and sometimes, it’s the healthiest option on the table.
