Narcissists don’t tend to thrive in calm, stable environments.
When things get too peaceful, or too emotionally neutral, they just have to find a way to shake things up—and they’ll go to great lengths to do just that. Drama keeps them at the centre of attention and lets them control the emotional landscape. Here’s how they usually stir the pot when things start feeling too calm. The more you know about their toxic tactics, the easier it is to avoid them (at least that’s the idea).
1. They suddenly bring up old arguments out of nowhere.
Just when things feel settled, they’ll casually drop a comment about something that was supposedly resolved. They don’t want to rehash it to gain clarity. They want to reignite the emotional chaos it once caused. It puts you on the defensive and pulls the focus back to them. Now you’re explaining yourself again, even if the issue was laid to rest ages ago. That’s the point—to pull you into the storm, not out of it.
2. They pick fights over nothing just to provoke a reaction.
Minor things suddenly become big deals. A tone, a word choice, or an imagined slight turns into a full-blown argument. It’s not about what was said—it’s about disrupting the calm they find so uncomfortable. These blow-ups often leave you confused, wondering where it even came from. That confusion keeps you off balance, and keeps them in control of the emotional tempo.
3. They twist your words to create tension.
You say something harmless, and they somehow turn it into an insult or attack. It feels like walking through a minefield—anything you say might get flipped and used against you. Once the tension is there, they play the victim. Now you’re left trying to defend your intentions instead of enjoying the peace you were both just in. It’s a pattern that keeps you emotionally hooked.
4. They stir up conflict between people to stay in control.
When there’s no drama in their own life, they’ll create it elsewhere—pitting friends or family members against each other, stirring rumours, or dropping strategic comments to provoke insecurity. It keeps them at the centre of the social web. They get to be the one with the “inside information,” the one people turn to, while everyone else is distracted by confusion and distrust.
5. They become extra charming to manipulate the vibe.
Sometimes they don’t start with anger—they start with flattery, attention, or gifts. It feels like a wave of warmth and affection, but underneath, it’s about regaining emotional control when things feel too neutral. That sudden burst of intensity isn’t always genuine—it’s designed to pull you in, make you lower your guard, and get you emotionally invested again. It’s manipulation, just wrapped in charm instead of criticism.
6. They start withholding affection or communication without explanation.
When things are going smoothly, they might suddenly go cold or distant. They’ll pull back their usual validation or go silent to create uncertainty and emotional discomfort. Now, instead of enjoying the calm, you’re wondering what went wrong. That silence creates anxiety, which they then use to pull you back into chasing their approval or trying to fix something that wasn’t broken.
7. They exaggerate a personal problem to shift focus back to themselves.
If things feel too balanced or if someone else is getting attention, they’ll suddenly have a crisis. It could be physical, emotional, or financial, but it usually becomes the new centre of gravity. You’re instantly pulled into caretaker mode. Even if their issue is real, it’s often presented in a way that demands full emotional bandwidth, leaving little room for anything or anyone else.
8. They create tension right before peaceful events or special moments.
Holidays, birthdays, special occasions—any time things should be easy and enjoyable—they somehow manage to start a fight or cause emotional chaos. It’s like they can’t stand the idea of things going smoothly without their input. It hijacks the moment and makes it about them. You end up navigating tension instead of enjoying yourself, which often becomes a recurring theme in the relationship dynamic.
9. They accuse you of things they’re actually doing.
This is projection at its peak. If they’re feeling jealous, unkind, or dishonest, they’ll accuse you of those exact things, even if there’s zero truth to it. It flips the script and gives them a reason to feel victimised. And now you’re the one defending yourself, trying to prove your innocence, while they sit comfortably in the role of the wronged one. It’s a messy way to stir up drama while protecting their ego.
10. They randomly test your loyalty just to see how far you’ll go.
They might question your commitment, accuse you of not caring enough, or compare you to other people. It’s usually unprovoked and leaves you scrambling to prove your love, loyalty, or support. That kind of drama keeps them at the emotional centre. You’re no longer focused on calm. Instead, you’re busy trying to soothe their insecurity, even when it was manufactured to create tension in the first place.
11. They sabotage peaceful routines by changing the rules last minute.
If you’ve got a rhythm going—plans, routines, agreements—they’ll suddenly change things up without warning or insist you never agreed to something in the first place. It’s destabilising by design. It makes you question your own memory and judgement. And more importantly, it puts them back in the position of control, deciding how and when things move, regardless of what was already working.
12. They play victim after causing chaos.
Once they’ve caused an emotional mess, they’ll often flip the script and say they feel attacked, misunderstood, or abandoned. It pulls sympathy back in their direction, even if they were the one who started it all. This move lets them avoid accountability and keeps you emotionally tangled, feeling guilty when you were the one who just got hurt. It’s a cycle that keeps repeating as long as you’re in it.
13. They suddenly demand big emotional talks at the worst times.
Right before bed, before work, or when you’re finally relaxing, they bring up something intense that could’ve waited. They don’t want resolution, they want a response—preferably one that proves you’re still emotionally tied up in their world. It’s a power play. They’re choosing the moment, not because it’s right, but because it’s disruptive. And once you’re flustered or stressed, they have the upper hand again.
14. They question your loyalty when things get too comfortable.
Peace feels risky to them, so when things are too smooth, they’ll start questioning how invested you really are. Maybe they’ll accuse you of being distant or say, “You don’t seem like you care anymore.” They’re not looking for clarity; they’re looking to rattle the calm. These accusations push you into reassurance mode, which puts the spotlight right back on them where they want it.
15. They act out just to remind you what they’re capable of.
If they sense things getting too emotionally stable, they might start behaving in ways that are subtly hurtful or controlling—just to prove they still hold influence over your emotions. This could be anything from passive-aggressive comments to deliberate boundary-pushing. The goal isn’t connection, unfortunately. It’s to pull you out of your calm and back into their drama-driven world.
