There’s a difference between someone loving you and someone simply benefitting from having you around. It can be confusing, especially when the line between care and convenience gets blurred. However, if you constantly feel drained, undervalued, or like your needs always come last, it might be time to look at the relationship more honestly. These signs often show up when love isn’t really what’s driving the connection—you’re just being used.
1. They only reach out when they need something.
If the only time you hear from them is when they want a favour, money, emotional support, or a boost to their ego, that’s not love—it’s convenience. Real connection involves mutual effort, not just turning up when it suits them. You’ll notice the silence when you need something. They’ll suddenly be too busy, distracted, or disappear altogether. A relationship should be built on give-and-take, not one-sided requests.
2. Your emotional needs are brushed aside.
When you try to express how you feel or ask for something deeper, they roll their eyes, change the subject, or make you feel dramatic. That’s not love—that’s emotional neglect. If someone truly cares, they’ll want to know what’s going on in your head and heart. When someone constantly avoids that, it’s because they’re not invested in the deeper parts of you—just what you can provide.
3. You feel drained after spending time with them.
After seeing them, you should feel connected or at least content—not emotionally wrung out or weirdly empty. If every interaction leaves you tired, that’s a red flag you shouldn’t ignore. Love nourishes you. Even during tough times, a loving connection should give you some sense of safety or peace. Constant exhaustion means they’re taking from you without giving anything back.
4. They avoid committing, but still expect loyalty.
They don’t want a label, they don’t want plans, they don’t want pressure, but they get annoyed if you give anyone else attention. They want the benefits of a relationship without showing up like a partner. That power imbalance is a big sign you’re being used. Love doesn’t fear commitment—it welcomes clarity. Someone keeping you in emotional limbo is protecting their comfort, not your heart.
5. You’re always the one adjusting
You change your schedule, lower your expectations, and make endless compromises, while they barely move an inch. You’ve made yourself smaller just to keep them happy. Healthy love doesn’t require you to disappear. If you feel like you’re constantly changing to suit their needs, and they never do the same, that’s not love—it’s control dressed up as compromise.
6. They show up for good times, not hard times.
They’re great when everything’s easy, fun, or going their way, but the moment things get heavy, they vanish. They don’t want to deal with your stress, grief, or vulnerability. That’s not a partner—it’s a fair-weather presence. Love shows up when things are messy. If they can’t handle your bad days, they don’t deserve your good ones either.
7. Your worth feels tied to what you do for them.
They compliment you when you help them, when you buy things, when you solve problems, but hardly ever for who you are. The love feels conditional on your usefulness. You’re not a product. You don’t exist to fill their gaps or fix their life. If the appreciation disappears when you stop performing, you’re being valued for output—not love.
8. They guilt-trip you when you say no.
If saying no makes them sulk, lash out, or twist things to make you feel selfish, that’s manipulation. You’re allowed to have limits. Love respects boundaries—using doesn’t. People who love you want you to feel safe saying no. If they constantly make you feel guilty or afraid to disappoint them, it’s a tactic to keep you giving more than you should.
9. They never ask how you are, only what you can do.
Think about the last time they asked about your day, your goals, your stress levels. If that barely happens, and most conversations revolve around their life or their needs, that’s a clear sign you’re being used. Being loved means being seen. If they only see you as a solution, a support system, or a convenience, they’re not really seeing you at all.
10. They withhold affection until they get what they want.
One minute they’re cold, the next they’re overly sweet—usually when they want something. That emotional hot-and-cold game isn’t passion. It’s control through affection. Love isn’t meant to feel like you’re constantly earning it. If they only warm up when they need a favour or want to avoid consequences, you’re not in a loving bond—you’re in a transactional one.
11. You second-guess yourself constantly.
You’ve started to wonder if you’re too needy, too emotional, too sensitive—when really, you’re just reacting to being undervalued. They make you feel like the problem for noticing the imbalance. That self-doubt usually points to emotional manipulation. If you’ve started to shrink, silence yourself, or question your gut, it’s time to look closer at what they’re getting out of that dynamic.
12. They make promises they never keep.
They say all the right things—talking about your future, claiming they care, throwing out romantic lines—but none of it ever sticks. Promises stay empty. Actions never match the words. Love is shown in consistency. If they’re always disappointing you or brushing off commitments, the message is clear: they want to keep you around, but not invest in you.
13. They make you feel selfish for having needs.
Needing emotional support, time together, respect, or clarity isn’t too much. However, somehow, they make you feel like it is, like you’re demanding or difficult for expecting basic care. That guilt is strategic. It keeps you giving more while asking for less. But healthy relationships don’t punish you for needing love—they meet you where you are.
14. You feel lonelier with them than without them.
That ache in your chest even when you’re next to them? That’s loneliness dressed as closeness. You might be physically together, but emotionally disconnected. If you constantly feel unseen, unheard, or unsupported, that’s not love. You deserve real presence, not someone just taking up space in your life.
15. You’re scared to walk away, but even more scared to stay.
If the idea of leaving fills you with dread, but staying feels like you’re slowly disappearing, that’s a major sign something’s off. You’re not being loved—you’re being kept in a situation that benefits them. Real love doesn’t trap you—it empowers you. If that feeling is missing, it’s not your job to fix it. It’s your cue to protect yourself, even if that means walking away.
