We all have our moments, but there’s a difference between being human and being genuinely hard to be around.
Toxic behaviour isn’t always overtly offensive or even obvious. In fact, a lot of times, it comes through via habits we’ve normalised, defence mechanisms we never questioned, or emotional blind spots we haven’t looked at yet. If you recognise any of these traits in yourself, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person—it just means it might be time for a reset. These are some of the worst toxic traits people can fall into, often without even realising it.
1. Making everything about you
Hijacking conversations, turning someone else’s problem into your story, or constantly steering the topic back to yourself can make people feel unseen. Even if it comes from insecurity or a need for connection, it inevitably ends up pushing people away. Try letting someone else stay in the spotlight. Give them space to vent, share, or celebrate without linking it back to your experience.
2. Holding grudges but never saying why
Giving the silent treatment, passive-aggressive behaviour, or icy distance might feel like protection, but it just leaves people confused. When you’re upset but never explain, it turns into resentment and emotional tension. Being honest, even when it’s uncomfortable, gives the other person a chance to understand and respond. Otherwise, they’re just left guessing.
3. Needing to “win” every disagreement
If every conversation feels like a courtroom where you have to prove you’re right, you’re not really connecting—you’re performing. That constant need to be correct can wear people down fast. Letting go of being right all the time doesn’t mean you lose. It means you value the relationship more than the argument.
4. Never apologising (or doing it badly)
A non-apology—like “I’m sorry you feel that way”—only makes things worse. People can tell when you’re dodging accountability or passing the blame. Real apologies are simple and direct: “I was wrong, and I’m sorry.” They repair trust way faster than a defensive explanation. Own your mess-ups, and make amends in a genuine way.
5. Criticising people all the time, often for superficial things
Picking apart everything someone does—how they speak, dress, act, or make decisions—can seem helpful in your head, but it often comes off as judgemental. Even subtle digs add up. If the urge to critique shows up often, ask yourself what it’s really about. Sometimes it reflects our own insecurities more than anything else.
6. Playing the victim in every situation
Always being the one who’s hurt, misunderstood, or mistreated can be a way of avoiding responsibility. However, it also drains the people around you and makes it hard to build equal relationships. Everyone gets hurt, but if it always feels like life is happening to you, it might be worth exploring why that lens feels safer than owning your part.
7. Gossiping to bond
Talking about people behind their backs might feel like a shortcut to connection, but it destroys trust fast. If you do it with one person, they’ll assume you’ll do it with them too. There are better ways to feel close to someone. Share your own stories, ask thoughtful questions, or just laugh together without needing a target.
8. Overstepping boundaries “because you care”
Offering advice when it wasn’t asked for, digging into someone’s personal life, or “checking in” when it’s really about control—it can all feel overwhelming, even if it’s dressed up as concern. Support is best when it’s respectful. Let people ask for help when they’re ready, and be okay with taking a step back when they’re not.
9. Deflecting blame every single time
If everything that goes wrong is somehow someone else’s fault, people start walking on eggshells. It’s exhausting to be around someone who never owns up to anything. Accountability isn’t about guilt—it’s about growth. The sooner you say, “That was on me,” the quicker things move forward.
10. Using humour to hurt people
Mocking, sarcasm, or “just joking” comments can really hurt, even if you didn’t mean harm. If people laugh awkwardly or go quiet after you speak, the humour might be landing wrong. Being funny doesn’t mean being mean. There’s a difference between playful and pointed, and most people can feel it instantly.
11. Refusing to ever be vulnerable
Acting like you don’t care, never opening up, or keeping everything surface-level might feel like strength, but it creates emotional walls. People end up feeling shut out and unsure where they stand. Letting someone in just a little doesn’t make you weak, for goodness’ sake. It’s what makes you feel real and trustworthy to other people.
12. Creating drama just to feel something
If things feel too quiet or calm, some people stir the pot just to shake up the energy. This might look like picking fights, dropping a bombshell, or triggering jealousy. Chaos isn’t connection. If peace feels boring, it’s worth asking why you equate comfort with disconnection.
13. Being emotionally unpredictable
When people don’t know which version of you they’re going to get, it builds anxiety. One minute warm, the next cold—this emotional yo-yo can leave people feeling exhausted and unsure how to act around you. Consistency creates safety. You don’t need to be happy all the time—just stable enough that people aren’t constantly bracing for impact.
14. Using silence as punishment
Going quiet to make someone feel bad, win a power struggle, or avoid vulnerability isn’t communication—it’s manipulation. It leaves people feeling rejected and confused. If you need space, say so. Disappearing without explanation just creates more problems than it solves.
15. Needing constant validation
Always fishing for compliments, checking likes, or needing to be reassured every five minutes can be emotionally draining for people around you. It creates pressure to keep proving you’re okay. Validation is human, of course, but it also helps to build your own inner reassurance, so people don’t feel like they’re walking a tightrope.
16. Acting like the rules don’t apply to you
Cutting queues, ignoring policies, or thinking you’re the exception isn’t confidence—it’s entitlement. It leaves a bad impression, and it destroys any level of respect fast. Being kind and cooperative doesn’t make you weak—it makes you easy to be around. That matters more than you think.
17. Talking over people (or not listening at all)
Interrupting constantly, not letting people finish their thoughts, or always bringing it back to your point of view makes conversations feel one-sided. Eventually, people stop sharing altogether. Listening is an underrated skill. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is shut up and really hear what someone’s trying to say.
18. Making your moods everyone else’s problem
If the whole vibe in a room changes based on how you’re feeling, it puts pressure on other people to manage you. That emotional ripple effect gets old fast, especially when it happens often. We all have bad days, but taking ownership of your energy—and finding ways to regulate it—keeps things healthier for everyone around you.
