Have you ever felt like you’re in a relationship with a master illusionist?
That’s the narcissist’s M.O. When it comes to infidelity, they’re experts at keeping secrets and manipulating reality. Of course, behind their carefully crafted facade lies a web of deceit they desperately want to keep hidden. Even if they have no qualms about being unfaithful, they’re not going to be blatant about it, nor will they open up to it when they’re confronted. These are some of the realities of how narcissists view cheating that may help if you ever find yourself on the receiving end of their bad behaviour.
1. They believe they’re entitled to cheat.
Narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance and believe they deserve special treatment. In their minds, the rules don’t apply to them, so they feel justified in looking for outside validation and attention, even if it means betraying their partner’s trust. Like in all areas of life, they’re convinced that the rules don’t apply to them, and they act accordingly.
2. They see cheating as a game.
For a narcissist, cheating isn’t just about physical pleasure; it’s about power and control. They enjoy the thrill of the chase, the secrecy, and the feeling of superiority that comes with having multiple partners. It’s a game they play to boost their ego and maintain a sense of control. The more “in demand” that they believe they are, the more they think they’re running the show.
3. They’re masters of manipulation and gaslighting.
If you suspect your narcissistic partner of cheating, they’ll likely deny it vehemently and turn the tables on you. They’ll gaslight you, making you doubt your own sanity and question your perception of reality. They might even accuse you of being paranoid or jealous, shifting the blame onto you. Of course, the more they accuse you, the guiltier they probably are.
4. They often have a network of secret admirers.
Narcissists are skilled at attracting attention and admiration. They often have a network of potential partners who are eager to please them. This network serves as a constant source of validation and gives them a sense of power, knowing they have options readily available. Don’t be surprised if they have an active dating app or two “just in case,” either.
5. They use cheating as a form of punishment.
If they feel slighted or wronged, they might use cheating as a way to get back at you. It’s a form of emotional manipulation designed to hurt and control you. They want you to feel the pain of betrayal and insecurity, further solidifying their power over you. In their eyes, stepping out on you is a great way to teach you a lesson, though what sort of lesson is anyone’s guess.
6. They rarely feel remorse or guilt.
Narcissists lack empathy and have difficulty understanding or caring about other people’s feelings. They might apologise for cheating, but it’s often insincere and motivated by a desire to avoid consequences rather than genuine remorse. They don’t truly grasp the pain they’ve caused and are unlikely to change their behaviour.
7. They often blame their partners for their infidelity.
Instead of taking responsibility for their actions, narcissists will often blame their partners for their cheating. They might say you weren’t attentive enough, didn’t meet their needs, or pushed them away. It’s a way to deflect blame and avoid accountability for their own choices. Let’s get one thing clear straight away: your partner’s behaviour is never your fault, no matter how much they insist otherwise.
8. They use triangulation to maintain control.
Triangulation is a tactic narcissists use to create jealousy and insecurity in their partners. They might flirt with other people in front of you, talk about their exes, or even bring up their “other” partners. It’s a way to keep you on edge and constantly vying for their attention. This is incredibly manipulative and cruel, but that’s just part of the game for them.
9. They use technology to hide their tracks.
Narcissists are great at using technology to cover their tracks. They might have secret phones, email accounts, or dating profiles. They’re all about deleting messages, clearing browsing history, and using apps with disappearing messages to maintain secrecy and avoid detection. They know every sneaky move in the book, likely because they’ve used them time and time again in all of their relationships.
10. They often have a history of infidelity.
If your partner has a history of cheating in past relationships, it’s a red flag that they might repeat the behaviour. Narcissists rarely change their patterns, and their need for external validation often drives them to pursue multiple partners. The phrase “once a cheat, always a cheat” exists for a reason. It might not be true in every situation, but for narcissists, it usually is, unfortunately.
11. They might accuse you of cheating to deflect suspicion.
In a classic projection move, a narcissist might accuse you of cheating to deflect suspicion from themselves. It’s a way to create confusion and chaos, making it difficult for you to focus on their own deceitful behaviour. They might even plant evidence or fabricate stories to make their accusations seem more believable. They know as well as you do that you’re being faithful, but the more they can flip the script, the more they think they avoid detection.
12. They might use charm and gifts to win you back.
If you confront them about their cheating, they might shower you with affection, gifts, or promises of change. It’s a manipulation tactic designed to regain your trust and keep you in the relationship. However, their actions rarely match their words, and the cycle of betrayal is likely to continue. That’s because they simply can’t help themselves (and don’t really want to).
13. They rarely take responsibility for the consequences of their actions.
Even if they’re caught red-handed, narcissists will often find ways to avoid taking full responsibility for the consequences of their cheating. They might blame the affair on their “irresistible” charm, your supposed shortcomings, or even the other person involved. They see themselves as victims of circumstance rather than perpetrators of wrongdoing.
14. They often have a distorted view of love and intimacy.
Narcissists struggle to form genuine emotional connections. They might confuse love with infatuation, admiration, or even power. Their need for external validation often leads them to seek multiple partners, as they believe love is something to be conquered or acquired rather than a mutual bond of trust and affection.
15. They’re skilled at compartmentalising their lives.
Narcissists can easily separate their different relationships and maintain multiple personas. They might be charming and attentive with you while simultaneously carrying on affairs. Compartmentalising allows them to avoid guilt or conflict, as they see each relationship as serving a different purpose in their life.
16. They rarely change their behaviour, even after being caught.
Even if they promise to change and beg for forgiveness, narcissists rarely follow through. Their need for external validation and their lack of empathy make it difficult for them to sustain a monogamous relationship. They’re likely to repeat the cycle of cheating, leaving a trail of broken hearts and shattered trust in their wake.
