Sometimes, people’s true opinions of you aren’t shouted from the rooftops.
They’re whispered in small gestures and offhand comments. If you’re getting the vibe that someone thinks you’re not quite making the grade, here are some subtle signs to watch out for.
1. They never ask for your advice.
Even in areas where you have expertise, they’ll seek guidance from everyone but you. It’s like they’ve mentally filed you under “Not to be consulted.” This dismissal of your knowledge speaks volumes about their perception of your competence.
2. They’re overly surprised by your successes.
When you do achieve something, their reaction is more shock than congratulations. “Wow, YOU did that?” Their surprise reveals their low expectations of you. It’s not a compliment; it’s a backhanded acknowledgment of their disbelief in your abilities.
3. They constantly offer unsolicited advice.
Every conversation turns into a coaching session you didn’t ask for. They’re always telling you how to “fix” your life, career, or relationships. This constant guidance suggests they see you as incapable of managing your own affairs.
4. They compare you to other people in negative ways.
“Why can’t you be more like…” becomes their favourite phrase. These comparisons, often presented as helpful suggestions, reveal their dissatisfaction with who you are and what you’ve achieved.
5. They downplay your achievements.
Got a promotion? They’ll find a way to minimise it. “Oh, I heard they were desperate to fill that position.” Your successes are always framed as luck or circumstance, never as a result of your skills or hard work.
6. They exclude you from important discussions.
When it comes to making plans or decisions, you’re often the last to know. This exclusion suggests they don’t value your input or consider you capable of contributing meaningfully.
7. Their body language screams disinterest.
When you’re talking, they’re checking their phone, looking around, or showing other signs of disengagement. This non-verbal dismissal speaks louder than words about their lack of respect for what you have to say.
8. They use condescending language.
“Don’t worry your little head about it” or “Let the adults handle this.” These patronising phrases, often delivered with a smile, reveal their view of you as less capable or mature.
9. They’re always “just joking”.
Their jokes at your expense always seem to hit a little too close to home. When called out, they’ll claim it’s all in good fun, but the consistent targeting reveals their true perceptions.
10. They redirect conversations away from your accomplishments.
Try to share good news, and they’ll quickly change the subject. This redirection shows their discomfort with acknowledging your successes, preferring to keep you in the “failure” box they’ve mentally placed you in.
11. They offer backhanded compliments.
“You clean up nice!” or “You’re smarter than you look.” These compliments carry a sting, revealing their low baseline opinion of you. It’s not praise; it’s surprise that you’ve exceeded their rock-bottom expectations.
12. They don’t trust you with responsibilities.
Even for simple tasks, they’ll double-check your work or give the job to someone else. This lack of trust shows they don’t see you as reliable or competent.
13. They use your name as a negative example.
“Don’t pull a [Your Name]” becomes a way to warn other people against making mistakes. Using you as a cautionary tale speaks volumes about how they view your choices and actions.
14. They’re overly concerned with your life choices.
Their interest in your decisions goes beyond friendly concern into judgmental territory. This excessive focus suggests they see your life as a series of missteps that need correction.
15. They remind you of past mistakes.
They have a mental catalogue of your failures and aren’t afraid to reference it. This constant reminder of past missteps shows they’re not seeing your growth or giving you credit for learning from experiences.
16. They dismiss your dreams as unrealistic.
Share your aspirations, and they’ll be quick to tell you why they won’t work. This dismissal isn’t protective; it’s a reflection of their lack of faith in your abilities to achieve significant goals.
17. They’re surprised when you’re knowledgeable about something.
Express insight on a topic, and they react with shock. “I didn’t know you knew about that!” This surprise reveals their low expectations of your intellect and knowledge base.
18. They talk about you in the past tense.
“You had so much potential” or “You used to be so ambitious.” This use of past tense suggests they see your best days as behind you, viewing your current state as a decline from past promise.
