We all make mistakes — it’s part of being human.
However, how we handle those mistakes can reveal a lot about our character. If you find yourself constantly pointing fingers and casting blame, rather than owning up to your own shortcomings, it might be a sign that you’re struggling with accountability. This habit can damage relationships, stifle personal growth, and create unnecessary conflict. So, are you a master of blame-shifting?
1. Your first instinct is to find an external cause for every problem.
Did you miss a deadline? Must have been because your computer crashed, or your coworker didn’t provide the necessary information. Did you have a fight with your partner? It’s obviously their fault for being too sensitive or misunderstanding your intentions. If you find yourself automatically looking for someone or something else to blame, it’s time to have a closer look at your own role in the situation.
2. You rarely say, “I’m sorry.”
Apologising is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength and maturity. It shows that you’re willing to acknowledge your mistakes, take responsibility for your actions, and make amends. If the words “I’m sorry” rarely escape your lips, it might be a sign that you’re more concerned with saving face than resolving the issue.
3. You often use the phrase, “It wasn’t my fault.”
This phrase is a classic deflection tactic. It’s a way of absolving yourself of any responsibility and placing the blame squarely on someone else’s shoulders. While it’s true that sometimes things are out of our control, if this phrase is your go-to response, it’s a red flag that you’re not willing to own up to your own contributions to the problem.
4. You deflect responsibility by saying, “Well, everyone else does it too.”
Just because everyone else is doing something doesn’t make it right. This excuse is a way of trying to justify your own behaviour by pointing out that other people are equally guilty. It’s a childish tactic that avoids accountability and prevents you from taking ownership of your own actions.
5. You downplay your mistakes or downplay their impact.
“It’s not a big deal,” “I didn’t mean to,” or “It’s just a small mistake” are common phrases used to minimise the impact of your actions. While it’s important to have perspective, minimising your mistakes or downplaying their consequences doesn’t help anyone. It’s a way of avoiding accountability and denying the hurt or inconvenience you’ve caused.
6. You get defensive and lash out when someone tries to hold you accountable.
When someone tries to address a problem you’ve caused, do you become defensive, angry, or accusatory? This reaction is a classic sign of someone who struggles with taking responsibility. Instead of listening to feedback and trying to understand the other person’s perspective, you deflect the blame and attack the messenger.
7. You blame your past experiences for your current behaviour.
While our past experiences can certainly shape us, they don’t define us. Using your past as an excuse for your current behaviour is a way of avoiding accountability and refusing to take responsibility for your choices. It’s important to acknowledge the impact of past trauma or experiences, but it’s equally important to recognise that you have the power to make different choices in the present.
8. You have a “victim mentality” and believe the world is always against you.
If you believe that you’re constantly being victimised by people, that the world is unfair, and that you have no control over your own life, it’s a recipe for unhappiness and stagnation. This mindset prevents you from taking responsibility for your own actions and choices, and it keeps you trapped in a cycle of blame and resentment.
9. You make promises you don’t keep.
Consistently failing to follow through on your commitments can be a sign that you’re not taking responsibility for your words and actions. It shows a lack of respect for other people’s time and expectations. When you make a promise, you’re essentially making a contract with someone else. Breaking that contract damages your credibility and destroys any trust in the relationship.
10. You play the comparison game.
Whenever you’re called out for a mistake, you deflect by pointing out someone else’s flaws or shortcomings. “At least I didn’t do X, like so-and-so did!” This tactic is a way of minimising your own responsibility by highlighting someone else’s wrongdoing. It doesn’t address your own actions and can create unnecessary conflict and resentment.
11. You blame external circumstances for your lack of progress.
Source: Unsplash Is it always the weather, the economy, or the traffic that’s holding you back? While external factors can certainly play a role, blaming them for your lack of progress is a way of avoiding accountability for your own choices and efforts. Taking ownership of your goals and actions is the first step towards achieving success.
12. You have a history of blaming people for your relationship problems.
If every relationship you’ve been in has ended with you blaming your ex-partner for everything that went wrong, it’s time to take a hard look in the mirror. While it’s true that both parties contribute to the dynamics of a relationship, if you consistently find yourself playing the victim and blaming your partner for all the problems, it’s a pattern that needs to be addressed.
13. You refuse to apologise unless you’re absolutely cornered.
Apologising is not about admitting defeat; it’s about acknowledging the impact of your actions on other people and taking steps to make amends. If you only apologise when you’re backed into a corner or when it’s absolutely unavoidable, it’s a sign that you’re more concerned with saving face than resolving the issue.
14. You shift the focus to someone else’s mistakes when you’re being criticised.
When someone offers constructive criticism, do you immediately counter with, “But what about when YOU did X?” This tactic is a way of deflecting attention from your own shortcomings and shifting the focus onto someone else’s mistakes. It’s a defensive mechanism that prevents you from learning and growing from the feedback.
15. You play the victim to avoid consequences.
When faced with the consequences of your actions, do you suddenly become the victim, claiming that you’re being unfairly targeted or punished? This tactic is a way of avoiding accountability and manipulating other people into feeling sorry for you. It’s important to accept the consequences of your choices and learn from your mistakes, rather than trying to escape them.
