If you’re dealing with a calculated person, you’ll need to be careful.
At the end of the day, they’ll stop at nothing to make sure they get what they want, and that means you could find yourself in trouble if you get in their way. While you obviously can’t predict their every move, you can develop some strategies to stay one step ahead. Here are just a few.
1. Pay more attention to what they do than what they say.
Actions mean way more than meaningless words. People can make promises all day long, but this won’t amount to much if they don’t fulfil them. Look for any inconsistencies, contradictions, and whether they have a habit of following through with what they say. Often, their behaviour will reveal their true intentions and values.
2. Set clear boundaries and don’t waver.
Calculated people will test your boundaries to see how far they can push without a second thought. By setting clear boundaries and never letting them slip, you communicate that you won’t tolerate any overstepping. Make sure you communicate these boundaries clearly and directly so there’s no room for misinterpretations. Be assertive and firm, but avoid being confrontational or aggressive.
3. Don’t be afraid to say “no”.
Source: Unsplash Calculated people will try to manipulate or guilt-trip you into doing what they want. You need to make sure you develop the ability to say no without feeling the need to provide an elaborate explanation or justification. If someone truly cares about you, they will respect your decisions even if they don’t align with their own desires.
4. Boost your emotional intelligence and self-awareness.
Source: Unsplash Understanding your own feelings and triggers is crucial when dealing with calculated people. By cultivating emotional intelligence, you can recognise when you’re being manipulated or drawn into a power play. Take the time to reflect on your own strengths, weaknesses, and vulnerabilities to gain valuable self-awareness. Be mindful of the situations or tactics that tend to make you feel uncomfortable or taken advantage of, so you can identify them in the future.
5. Trust your intuition.
Source: Unsplash If something feels off or too good to be true, it probably is. Pay attention to your gut feelings and don’t dismiss them as paranoia or overthinking. Your intuition is often based on subconscious observations and patterns that you haven’t consciously processed. It’s essentially a survival mechanism designed to protect you from potential threats. If a situation or interaction gives you an unsettling feeling, don’t ignore it. Trust your instincts and proceed with caution.
6. Learn to read between the lines.
Source: Unsplash Calculated people often communicate indirectly, using subtle cues and hidden agendas. They might make backhanded compliments, offer seemingly generous gestures with strings attached, or ask leading questions to steer the conversation in their favour. Be mindful of their body language, tone of voice, and choice of words as these can all be subtle indicators of their true intentions.
7. Gather information and knowledge.
Source: Unsplash The more you know about a calculated person’s motives, tactics, and past behaviour, the better equipped you’ll be to navigate their games. Engage in casual conversations to learn about their interests, values, and goals. Pay attention to how they interact with people, especially in situations that involve conflict or negotiation. If the person has a social media presence, you can also gather information about their personality and preferences by observing their posts and interactions online.
8. Maintain a healthy level of scepticism.
Source: Unsplash While it’s important to be open-minded and give people the benefit of the doubt, a healthy dose of scepticism is essential when dealing with calculated people. Be cautious of overly charming or flattering behaviour, as it could be a tactic to gain your trust and lower your guard. If someone seems too good to be true, take the time to verify their claims and assess their intentions before fully investing in the relationship.
9. Don’t overshare personal information.
Source: Unsplash Calculated people can use your vulnerabilities against you. Be mindful of what you reveal about your personal life, insecurities, or future plans. This doesn’t mean that you need to be secretive or closed off, but rather that you should exercise discretion and discernment when sharing personal details.
10. Document important conversations and agreements.
Source: Unsplash Having a written record of your interactions can protect you from misunderstandings and misrepresentations. If you have an important conversation, consider sending a follow-up email or message summarising the key points discussed and any agreements reached. This can serve as a valuable reference point in case of any future disagreements or disputes. It also creates a sense of accountability for both parties involved.
11. Ask people you trust for advice.
Source: Unsplash Talking to someone you trust can provide valuable insights and perspectives. They may be able to offer objective advice and help you see the situation more clearly. Sometimes, an outside perspective can shed light on aspects of the relationship that you might have overlooked or underestimated. They can also offer emotional support and encouragement, which can be especially important when dealing with the stress and anxiety of navigating a complex relationship.
12. Focus on building genuine connections with other people.
Source: Unsplash Surround yourself with people who are supportive, honest, and trustworthy. This will create a strong network of allies who can offer guidance and support when dealing with calculated people. Investing time and energy in building authentic relationships can also provide a sense of balance and perspective. These relationships can serve as a reminder that not everyone is manipulative or self-serving, which can be reassuring and empowering.
13. Stay calm and composed.
Source: Unsplash Calculated people may try to provoke you or push your buttons to get a reaction. When confronted with manipulative tactics or unfair accusations, it’s easy to become defensive or reactive. However, remaining calm and composed can help you maintain control of the situation. It can also demonstrate that you won’t be easily rattled or intimidated by their tactics. This can be particularly effective when dealing with someone who thrives on drama or conflict.
14. Maintain your independence and autonomy.
Source: Unsplash Don’t let yourself become overly reliant on a calculated person for your happiness or well-being. Pursue your own interests, goals, and passions. By nurturing your own independence, you demonstrate that you have a strong sense of self and aren’t easily swayed by anyone else. This can make you less vulnerable to manipulation and control.
15. Forgive yourself for past mistakes.
Source: Unsplash Everyone makes mistakes in relationships. Don’t beat yourself up if you’ve been manipulated or deceived in the past. Instead, view it as a learning experience and an opportunity for growth. Acknowledge the lessons you’ve learned and use them to make more informed decisions in the future. By forgiving yourself for past mistakes, you can move forward with confidence and resilience.
