Narcissists will stop at nothing to break their victims down and manipulate them according to their own will.
What’s so devastating is that they do this bit by bit, little by little, without you realising until it’s already too late. Here are some of the underhanded tactics they use to destroy you. If you know what to look for, you can avoid this ever happening to you again.
1. They love bomb you at first.
Source: Unsplash At the beginning, it feels like a whirlwind romance straight out of your favourite romance film. They shower you with attention, compliments, and affection. They make you feel like the most special person in the world, but this is just a ploy to gain your trust and affection, setting the stage for future manipulation.
2. They gaslight you into questioning your sanity/version of reality.
They deny things they said or did, twist your words, and make you doubt your own memory and sanity. You start to question your judgment, wondering if you’re being too sensitive or making things up. This is a deliberate tactic to control you and make you dependent on their version of reality.
3. They isolate you from the people who love and support you.
They gradually distance you from your friends and family by planting seeds of doubt about their intentions or loyalty. They criticise the people you’re closest to, accuse them of meddling, or create drama to make you feel like they’re the only ones who truly understand and care about you.
4. They project their own flaws onto you.
If they’re cheating, they accuse you of being unfaithful. If they’re lying, they call you a liar. They deflect blame and responsibility onto you, making you feel like you’re the one with the problem. This is a classic narcissist tactic to avoid accountability and maintain their superior image.
5. They devalue and criticise you to destroy your confidence.
They subtly (or not so subtly) put you down, criticise your appearance, your work, your friends, your hobbies—anything they can find fault with. They might make backhanded compliments or talk about how much better other people are than you. This constant barrage of negativity chips away at your self-esteem, making you more vulnerable to their manipulation.
6. They use guilt and shame to control your behaviour.
They make you feel responsible for their happiness and health. They guilt you into doing things you don’t want to do, or they play the victim to make you feel sorry for them. This emotional manipulation keeps you walking on eggshells, always trying to please them to avoid their disapproval or anger.
7. They create drama and chaos to keep you off balance.
They thrive on conflict and drama. They might start arguments over trivial matters, disappear and reappear unexpectedly, or create crises to keep you on edge. This constant turmoil leaves you feeling drained and anxious, making it harder for you to think clearly and assert yourself.
8. They use intermittent reinforcement to keep you hooked.
They alternate between affection and cruelty, praise and criticism, making you crave their approval and validation. Just when you think you’ve had enough, they throw you a bone, a brief moment of kindness or attention, which reinforces your hope that things will get better and keeps you trapped in the cycle of abuse.
9. They triangulate you with other people.
They might flirt with other people in front of you, talk about their exes, or compare you to other people to make you feel insecure and jealous. This triangulation tactic creates a sense of competition and keeps you vying for their attention, even if it means sacrificing your own self-respect.
10. They hoover you back in when you try to leave.
When you finally gather the courage to end the relationship, they might suddenly become apologetic, loving, and attentive. They promise to change, shower you with gifts and compliments, and do everything they can to lure you back. This hoovering tactic is designed to keep you trapped in their toxic cycle.
11. They play the victim to gain sympathy and avoid responsibility.
Whenever they’re confronted with their hurtful behaviour, they turn the tables and make themselves the victim. They blame you, external circumstances, or anyone but themselves. This deflection tactic is a way to avoid accountability and maintain control over the narrative.
12. They smear your reputation to discredit you.
If you do manage to break free, they might try to destroy your reputation by spreading rumours, lies, or half-truths about you. This smear campaign is designed to isolate you, make you doubt yourself, and keep people from believing your side of the story.
13. They refuse to take responsibility for their actions.
No matter how much evidence you present, they will never admit to their wrongdoings or take responsibility for the pain they’ve caused you. They might apologise insincerely or shift the blame back onto you. This lack of accountability is a hallmark of narcissistic behaviour.
14. They make you feel like you’re going crazy.
Through a combination of gaslighting, projection, and manipulation, they can make you question your sanity. You start to doubt your own perceptions, feelings, and memories. This psychological warfare is incredibly damaging and can leave you feeling isolated, confused, and emotionally scarred.
15. They leave you feeling empty and worthless.
After a relationship with a narcissist, you might feel like a shell of your former self. They’ve systematically destroyed your confidence, self-esteem, and sense of self. It takes time and effort to heal from this emotional trauma and rebuild your life.
