Relationships are built on trust, but sometimes, subtle (or not-so-subtle) changes in behaviour can make you feel like something is off.
Don’t just write it off as paranoia, either — your intuition is a powerful thing. Money matters can be especially telling, especially when unexplained expenses start to crop up. If you’ve got that nagging feeling in your gut, here are 16 potential red flags that might indicate your husband is spending money on someone else.
1. Unexplained withdrawals or charges
One of the clearest signs something might be amiss is when you notice bank withdrawals or credit card charges that don’t align with your usual spending patterns. If he’s vague or defensive about these transactions, it’s worth paying attention. Transparency around finances is key to a healthy relationship, and secrecy often suggests there’s more to the story.
2. New credit cards or hidden accounts
If your husband suddenly opens a new credit card, or you discover an account you didn’t know existed, it could be a red flag. Secret accounts make it easier to hide spending and avoid questions. If you’re sharing finances, there’s no reason for major changes like this to happen without a conversation.
3. Increased cash usage
Cash is notoriously hard to track, so a sudden preference for using it might raise an eyebrow. If he starts withdrawing large sums of money or insists on carrying more cash than usual, it’s worth gently asking why. While some habits change naturally, consistent secrecy around money rarely comes without a reason.
4. Hiding receipts or bills
It’s one thing to forget to throw away receipts, but if he’s deliberately hiding or shredding them, that’s a red flag. Trying to erase a paper trail suggests there’s something he doesn’t want you to see. Healthy relationships thrive on honesty, not sneaky behaviour.
5. Over-the-top defensiveness about finances
Does he get unusually defensive when you ask about spending? If innocent questions about money lead to heated arguments or deflections, it might be because he’s trying to hide something. A lack of openness about finances can be a strong indicator that there’s more going on.
6. A sudden drop in your shared savings
If you’ve both been working toward financial goals, but your savings start dwindling without explanation, it’s time to ask questions. Significant, unexplained withdrawals from shared accounts can indicate he’s redirecting money elsewhere, and it’s important to address this as a team.
7. Expensive “work-related” outings
Source: Unsplash If he’s suddenly attending pricey lunches, dinners, or events that he claims are “for work,” it’s worth digging deeper. While networking and business events are normal, consistent high-end spending on vague outings can point to something more personal.
8. New gifts that aren’t for you
Seeing a new purchase or wrapped gift that wasn’t given to you can be a glaring sign. If he brushes off questions about it or gives vague excuses, it’s natural to wonder who the gift was meant for. Transparency in gift-giving should never feel like a big ask.
9. Mysterious transactions on shared statements
Unfamiliar charges for restaurants, hotels, or stores you don’t frequent together could be a red flag. If these transactions don’t match his typical spending patterns, it’s worth asking for clarity. Consistent unexplained expenses are never a good sign in shared finances.
10. Sudden generosity to “friends”
If he’s suddenly offering to help a “friend” financially or spending on someone outside your usual circle, it’s worth questioning the relationship. While being generous is commendable, significant spending on someone else can cross boundaries if it’s kept secret.
11. Dodging questions about his income
If he used to be open about his pay cheque but now avoids discussing it, it might indicate a shift in how his money is being spent. Avoidance can often be a sign of guilt or fear of confrontation. It’s better to have these conversations early rather than letting them fester.
12. New habits around his phone or devices
Money and secrecy often go hand-in-hand. If he’s suddenly hiding his phone or being overly protective about his emails, banking apps, or messages, it might be because he’s covering his financial tracks. Behavioural changes like this often accompany other signs of hidden spending.
13. Extravagant purchases without explanation
Whether it’s a designer item or tickets to an exclusive event, extravagant spending without consulting you could indicate hidden priorities. Relationships built on shared finances require communication, and big purchases shouldn’t feel like surprises.
14. Vague explanations for being low on money
If he’s suddenly “short on cash” but you can’t see where the money is going, it’s worth investigating. This is especially true if he’s been dodging discussions about finances or asking you to cover more expenses than usual. Financial transparency is essential to avoid misunderstandings.
15. Decline in spending on the household
If he’s cutting back on shared expenses while unexplained spending increases, it’s a potential sign he’s redirecting money. Changes in financial priorities without discussion often point to something deeper. It’s worth having an honest conversation about why household contributions are shifting.
16. Overcompensating with lavish gestures
Sudden, excessive gifts or grand displays of affection might seem like a sweet surprise, but they can also be a cover for guilt. If these gestures feel out of the blue and come alongside other signs of financial secrecy, it’s worth questioning the motivation behind them.
