Living with ADHD can be challenging, for sure, but it doesn’t mean everything has to be a struggle.
While some difficulties are very real and deserve sympathy and understanding, using ADHD as an excuse for poor habits or avoiding personal growth isn’t helpful. Here are a few things adult ADHD doesn’t excuse. If you find these tough, there’s no shame in it, but it should give you the kick up the backside you need to get your act together and improve these skills. You’re smart and capable — you can do it!
1. Being unreliable and constantly letting people down
Source: Unsplash Forgetfulness and time blindness are common with ADHD, but that doesn’t mean flaking on commitments is acceptable. Whether it’s cancelling plans last minute or missing deadlines, being unreliable damages relationships and opportunities. Managing this means using systems to stay accountable. Setting reminders, keeping a calendar, and being honest about your limitations can help prevent letting people down. ADHD may make reliability harder, but it doesn’t make it impossible.
2. Refusing to take responsibility for mistakes
Impulsivity and distraction can lead to slip-ups, but blaming ADHD every time something goes wrong isn’t fair. Everyone makes mistakes, and owning up to them is part of being an adult. Constantly shifting blame onto ADHD can lead to strained relationships and missed growth opportunities. Taking responsibility means acknowledging when you’ve messed up and making an effort to improve. ADHD can make certain behaviours harder to control, but self-awareness and accountability go a long way in managing its effects.
3. Ignoring other people’s feelings
People with ADHD can sometimes be blunt, distracted, or forgetful, but that doesn’t mean they’re excused from considering anyone else. Being wrapped up in your own thoughts is one thing; regularly dismissing or invalidating someone’s emotions is another. Making an effort to listen, apologise when necessary, and check in with people can strengthen relationships. ADHD might make emotional awareness more challenging, but it doesn’t mean someone’s feelings don’t matter.
4. Refusing to develop time management skills
Struggling with time is common for adults with ADHD, but refusing to work on it isn’t an option. Showing up late, missing appointments, or procrastinating important tasks can have serious consequences. Using ADHD as an excuse instead of finding solutions only makes life harder. Time management strategies, such as using timers, breaking tasks into steps, and setting up visual schedules, can help. It may take trial and error, but developing a system that works is possible. Blaming ADHD won’t fix time issues — finding the right tools will.
5. Being rude or dismissive in conversations
ADHD can make it difficult to stay engaged in conversations, especially when distractions take over. But zoning out, interrupting, or dismissing what other people are saying repeatedly can make people feel unimportant. It’s not fair to expect them to just “understand.” Practising active listening, making eye contact, and repeating key points can help stay engaged. If distractions are overwhelming, being honest about needing a moment to refocus can go a long way in showing respect for the conversation.
6. Failing to manage personal finances
Impulsivity and forgetfulness can make handling money tricky, but constantly being broke, overdrafting accounts, or avoiding bills isn’t something ADHD alone should be blamed for. Poor financial habits can cause long-term problems that can’t just be ignored. Using budgeting apps, automating payments, and setting spending limits can help control finances. ADHD may make managing money more difficult, but it doesn’t mean financial responsibility isn’t possible with the right strategies.
7. Not putting in effort to stay organised
Messiness and clutter are common struggles with ADHD, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible to improve. Letting chaos take over and refusing to create systems for basic organisation can make daily life much harder than it needs to be. Finding simple and ADHD-friendly methods — like using clear storage bins, setting up a “drop zone” for important items, or tidying in small bursts — can make organisation more manageable. You should be working with your ADHD, not using it as an excuse for never trying.
8. Expecting other people to manage responsibilities for you
Struggling with executive function doesn’t mean other people should constantly pick up the slack. Whether it’s relying on a partner to handle all household tasks or depending on coworkers to cover for missed deadlines, expecting the people around you to compensate for ADHD-related difficulties isn’t fair. Taking ownership of responsibilities, even in small steps, shows accountability. Asking for help is fine, but expecting everyone else to always step in isn’t sustainable. Finding ways to stay on top of tasks, like breaking them into smaller steps, can prevent frustration for everyone involved.
9. Refusing to try different coping strategies
Not every method works for everyone, but refusing to experiment with strategies that could help isn’t productive. Whether it’s medication, therapy, mindfulness techniques, or lifestyle changes, managing ADHD requires effort and adaptation. Finding what works takes time, but being open to trying new approaches is key. Ignoring potential solutions and insisting that “nothing works” only makes life harder. ADHD doesn’t have a one-size-fits-all fix, but progress comes from being willing to explore options.
10. Constantly making excuses instead of trying to solve problems
Everyone has struggles, but relying on ADHD as a permanent excuse for why things can’t improve isn’t helpful. It’s one thing to acknowledge challenges; it’s another to use them as a reason to avoid making any effort. Focusing on problem-solving instead of excuse-making is a game-changer. ADHD doesn’t disappear, but many struggles can be improved with the right tools, mindset, and support. Taking control, rather than feeling powerless, is what leads to real change.
11. Treating work or deadlines as unimportant
Procrastination and task avoidance are common with ADHD, but failing to respect deadlines, assignments, or responsibilities can harm careers and relationships. Expecting employers or colleagues to constantly accommodate poor time management isn’t realistic. Using timers, breaking tasks into smaller steps, and setting up external accountability can help with follow-through. ADHD makes deadlines harder, but consistently ignoring them is a choice. Professionalism still matters, regardless of personal challenges.
12. Not respecting other people’s boundaries
Blurting out personal thoughts, interrupting, or pushing past someone’s limits can be frustrating for the people around you. ADHD can make impulse control more difficult, but it doesn’t excuse consistently crossing boundaries or dismissing when someone asks for space. Being mindful of social cues, asking if it’s okay to share certain thoughts, and practising pausing before speaking can help. Learning to respect boundaries doesn’t require you to suppress your personality. However, you do need to understand that consideration for other people matters.
13. Refusing to take care of basic health needs
Forgetting meals, skipping sleep, or ignoring self-care can be a struggle with ADHD, but consistently neglecting health can have serious long-term consequences. Poor habits won’t just affect energy levels; they can make ADHD symptoms worse. Setting alarms for meals, having a simple bedtime routine, and keeping healthy snacks nearby can make self-care more manageable. ADHD can make structure difficult, but health shouldn’t be sacrificed because of it. Small efforts can lead to big improvements over time.
14. Expecting everyone to adjust to you without compromise
While it’s important to be understood, it’s not fair to expect the world to cater entirely to ADHD struggles. Relationships, workplaces, and friendships require compromise from both sides. Expecting endless patience from the people around you without making an effort isn’t realistic. Explaining needs is important, but so is meeting people halfway. Finding common ground, using tools to minimise difficulties, and showing appreciation for support can make a big difference. Respect goes both ways, even when ADHD makes certain things harder.
15. Assuming ADHD means you can’t be successful
One of the biggest misconceptions about ADHD is that it automatically limits potential. While it presents challenges, plenty of successful people have ADHD. It’s not a barrier to achievement; it just means finding different ways to work effectively. Success with ADHD requires self-awareness, adaptability, and the right strategies. Whether it’s structuring work differently, using creative problem-solving, or focusing on strengths, it’s entirely possible to thrive. ADHD is a challenge, but it doesn’t have to be a lifelong excuse for staying stuck.
