Love-bombing is a manipulative tactic used by abusers and narcissists to lure you in with grand gestures, only to later flip the script and reveal their true colours.
Source: Unsplash It’s a dangerous game that can leave you feeling confused, betrayed, and questioning your own reality. So how do you spot a love bomber before it’s too late? If you hear them saying any of these things, it should set off alarm bells in your head.
1. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”
While it’s flattering to feel like you’re someone’s one and only, be wary of grand declarations of love early on in a relationship. Love bombers often use this phrase to make you feel special and chosen, like you’re the only one who truly understands them. But the truth is, they probably say this to everyone they date. It’s a way of creating false intimacy and rushing the natural progression of a relationship. Take it slow and let actions speak louder than words.
2. “I want to spend every moment with you.”
It’s normal to want to spend a lot of time with someone you’re falling for, but love bombers take it to the extreme. They’ll monopolise your time and attention, making you feel guilty for wanting any space or independence. They’ll text you constantly, show up unexpectedly, and make you feel like you’re the centre of their universe. But this level of intensity is unsustainable and unhealthy. Make sure to maintain your own life and interests outside of the relationship.
3. “You’re perfect in every way.”
Love bombers often put their partners on a pedestal, showering them with compliments and adoration. While it’s nice to feel appreciated, be wary of someone who idealises you to the point of ignoring your flaws and humanity. They’re not seeing the real you — they’re projecting their own fantasies and expectations onto you. And when you inevitably fall short of this impossible standard, they’ll likely turn on you and tear you down.
4. “I want to take care of you.”
While it’s wonderful to have a supportive partner, be cautious of someone who wants to swoop in and solve all your problems early in the relationship. Love bombers often use this as a way to create a sense of dependency and obligation. They’ll offer to pay your bills, buy you lavish gifts, or even move in together prematurely. But this level of enmeshment can be a red flag for controlling behaviour down the line.
5. “You’re the only one who gets me.”
Love bombers often play on your natural empathy and desire to be a good partner. They’ll open up about their past traumas, heartbreaks, and insecurities, making you feel like you’re the only one who truly understands them. But be wary of someone who overshares too soon or uses their emotional baggage to manipulate you into staying. A healthy relationship is built on mutual support and growth, not a saviour/victim dynamic.
6. “Let’s get married/have a baby/move in together!”
When a love bomber is trying to lock you down, they’ll often push for major relationship milestones at warp speed. They’ll talk about marriage, kids, and forever after just a few dates, making you feel swept up in a whirlwind romance. But this level of commitment is a huge red flag so early on. A healthy relationship takes time to build a solid foundation of trust, compatibility, and shared values. Don’t let anyone rush you into a life-altering decision before you’re ready.
7. “I can’t live without you.”
Source: Unsplash Love bombers often use dramatic, over-the-top language to express their feelings for you. They’ll say things like “I can’t live without you,” “You’re my everything,” or “I’ll die if you leave me.” While these declarations may seem romantic in the moment, they’re actually a form of emotional manipulation. They’re designed to make you feel responsible for the other person’s well-being and afraid to set boundaries or leave. Remember, a healthy partner supports your independence and respects your choices.
8. “You’re the only good thing in my life.”
Be wary of a partner who puts all their happiness eggs in your basket. Love bombers often claim that you’re the only source of joy and light in their otherwise dark and miserable life. While it may make you feel special and needed, it’s a heavy burden to bear. You can’t be someone’s entire support system or reason for living. A healthy relationship is about two whole, independent people coming together to enhance each other’s lives, not complete them.
9. “If you really loved me, you would…”
Love bombers are masters of manipulation, and they’ll often use your own feelings against you. They’ll say things like “If you really loved me, you would do this for me,” or “I thought you cared about me, but I guess not.” This is a form of emotional blackmail designed to make you prove your love and devotion through grand gestures or sacrifices. But true love is never about keeping score or testing each other’s commitment. It’s about mutual respect, trust, and compromise.
10. “I’ll never forgive you if you leave me.”
When a love bomber senses that you’re pulling away or having doubts, they’ll often resort to threats and ultimatums to keep you in line. They’ll say things like “I’ll never forgive you if you leave me,” “I’ll make your life hell,” or “You’ll never find anyone who loves you as much as I do.” This is a clear sign of an abusive and controlling relationship. No one has the right to dictate your choices or punish you for asserting your independence. If you feel unsafe or threatened, get help from someone you trust.
11. “You’re being paranoid/crazy/oversensitive.”
Source: Unsplash Gaslighting is a common tactic used by love bombers to make you doubt your own perceptions and intuition. If you express concerns about their behaviour or question their motives, they’ll often dismiss you as being paranoid, crazy, or oversensitive. They’ll say things like “You’re making a big deal out of nothing,” “You’re imagining things,” or “I was just joking, can’t you take a joke?” This is a way of deflecting responsibility and making you feel like the problem. Trust your gut if something feels off — you’re not crazy for having boundaries and expectations in a relationship.
12. “No one will ever love you as much as I do.”
Source: Unsplash Love bombers often use this phrase as a way to make you feel indebted to them and afraid to leave. They’ll position themselves as your soulmate, your saviour, your one true love. They’ll say things like “No one will ever understand you like I do,” “We’re meant to be together forever,” or “You’ll never find anyone better than me.” But this is a lie designed to keep you trapped in the relationship. There are plenty of people out there who will love and appreciate you for who you are, without the manipulation and mind games.
13. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just love you so much.”
Source: Unsplash When a love bomber’s mask starts to slip and their true colours show, they’ll often try to backpedal and minimise their hurtful behaviour. They’ll say things like “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just love you so much,” “I only get jealous because I care about you,” or “I’m sorry you feel that way, but you know how much I adore you.” This is a way of shirking accountability and making you second-guess your own feelings. Remember, love is never an excuse for disrespect, control, or abuse. A sincere apology comes with changed behaviour, not just empty words.
14. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
Source: Unsplash While it’s wonderful to feel cherished and adored by your partner, be wary of someone who puts you on a pedestal and treats you like a superhero early in the relationship. Love bombers often use this phrase to make you feel indispensable and responsible for their happiness. They’ll say things like “I was so lost before I met you,” “You’re the only one who can save me,” or “I can’t imagine my life without you.” But this level of idealisation is unsustainable and unhealthy. You’re a human being with flaws and needs of your own, not someone’s saviour or project.
15. “I’ve changed, I promise it won’t happen again.”
Source: Unsplash If a love bomber has shown their true colours, and you’ve tried to set boundaries or leave, they’ll often make overblown promises to change and do better. They’ll say things like “I’ve learned my lesson,” “I’ll never hurt you again,” or “I’m a changed person because of you.” And in the moment, they may truly believe it. But without consistent action and accountability, these promises are just empty words. Change is possible, but it takes time, effort, and usually professional help. Don’t let someone’s potential blind you to the reality of their behaviour. You deserve a relationship based on consistent love, respect, and equality — not intermittent reinforcement and false hope.
