We all get angry sometimes and say things we don’t mean, but that doesn’t make certain reactions we have okay.
It’s not always easy to recognise, but there are signs you can look out for that your behaviour might be bordering on emotional abuse. While emotional abuse can take different forms, none of them are acceptable to unleash on other people. And just FYI, this isn’t a formal diagnosis, but it’s just a place to start a bit of self-reflection and potentially change your behaviour if needed.
1. You have a habit of belittling or ridiculing people.
Source: Unsplash It might start with a playful teasing, but if you often find yourself putting people down, making fun of their flaws, or using sarcastic remarks that hurt their feelings, this is a warning sign. Pay attention to how your words make people feel. Do they seem withdrawn or hurt after your interactions?
2. You tend to blame other people for your own negative emotions.
Everyone feels upset or angry sometimes, but if you consistently blame people for your emotional state, it’s a red flag. You might say things like, “You make me so angry!” or “It’s your fault I feel this way.” Remember, your feelings are your own responsibility.
3. You frequently use guilt to manipulate people.
Do you often find yourself saying things like, “If you really loved me, you’d do this for me” or “After everything I’ve done for you, you can’t even do this small thing?” Using guilt to get what you want is a form of manipulation and emotional abuse.
4. You struggle to apologise or take responsibility for your actions.
Everyone makes mistakes, but if you find it difficult to apologise sincerely or admit when you’re wrong, it’s a sign you might be engaging in emotionally abusive behaviour. Refusing to take responsibility for your actions can be very damaging to your relationships.
5. You isolate your loved ones from their friends and family.
Do you often criticise your partner’s or friend’s loved ones, making them feel like they need to choose between you and their support network? Or do you discourage them from spending time with other people? Isolating someone from their social connections is a form of control and abuse.
6. You give your partner or friend the silent treatment.
The silent treatment might seem like a way to avoid conflict, but it’s actually a passive-aggressive tactic that can be very emotionally damaging. When you refuse to communicate, you’re withholding affection and punishing the other person, which is a form of abuse.
7. You have a tendency to gaslight people.
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation where you make someone doubt their own sanity or reality. It can involve denying things you’ve said or done, twisting their words, or making them feel like they’re going crazy. This is a serious form of emotional abuse.
8. You are hyper-critical of your partner or friend.
Source: Unsplash Constructive criticism is healthy, but if you constantly nitpick, criticise, or find fault with everything your partner or friend does, it can be emotionally abusive. This constant negativity can knock their self-esteem and make them feel worthless.
9. You have difficulty controlling your anger or frustration.
Everyone gets angry sometimes, but if you frequently lose your temper, yell, or lash out at people, it’s a sign you might be engaging in emotional abuse. It’s important to learn healthy ways to manage your anger so it doesn’t hurt those around you.
10. You use threats or intimidation to get your way.
This could involve threatening to leave the relationship, hurt yourself, or harm other people. It might also include subtle forms of intimidation, like making someone feel scared or uncomfortable. Using fear to control someone is a clear sign of emotional abuse.
11. You constantly check up on your partner or friend’s whereabouts.
While it’s natural to care about someone’s well-being, excessive monitoring of their activities, demanding to know where they are at all times, or accusing them of infidelity without reason can be emotionally abusive. This behaviour stems from insecurity and a desire for control.
12. You make your partner or friend feel like they can’t do anything right.
This involves setting unrealistic expectations, constantly criticising their efforts, or dismissing their achievements. Making someone feel incompetent and unworthy is a form of emotional abuse that can destroy their self-confidence and make them dependent on your approval.
13. You invade your partner or friend’s privacy.
This might include going through their phone, reading their emails, or demanding access to their social media accounts. Everyone deserves privacy in a relationship, and violating that trust is a form of emotional abuse.
14. You compare your partner or friend to other people.
Constantly comparing your loved one to other people, whether it’s their exes, friends, or celebrities, is emotionally abusive. This behaviour makes them feel inadequate and creates an unhealthy sense of competition in the relationship.
15. You make all the decisions in the relationship without considering your partner or friend’s feelings.
Source: Unsplash Healthy relationships involve mutual respect and compromise. If you consistently make decisions without consulting your partner or friend, dismiss their opinions, or disregard their feelings, it’s a sign you might be engaging in emotionally abusive behaviour. This kind of control can be stifling and damaging to their sense of self-worth.
