It’s not always the loudest person in the room who grates on everyone’s nerves (though they can certainly be annoying).
Sometimes it’s the little habits, the way someone speaks, or the energy they bring into a space that slowly wears people down. Being unpleasant isn’t always about being intentionally rude—some behaviours just create tension, discomfort, or emotional drain without anyone needing to say a word. These the kinds of traits and habits that tend to push people away, even if no one confronts them directly.
1. Constantly one-upping people
There’s always that person who can’t let anyone else have a moment. If you’ve had a good day, theirs was better. If something went wrong for you, they’ve suffered worse. It’s exhausting and invalidating. People want to be heard and supported, not dragged into a weird competition. Constant one-upping turns every conversation into a performance rather than a connection, and it leaves people feeling dismissed instead of understood.
2. Always playing the victim
Everyone goes through hard times, but when someone never takes responsibility for anything and constantly blames other people, it gets old fast. Playing the victim all the time stops people from growing, and it drags everyone else into their emotional drama. It’s draining to be around someone who sees every disagreement as an attack and every consequence as unfair. At some point, empathy wears thin when accountability never shows up.
3. Talking over people or never listening
Conversation should be a two-way street, but some people treat it like a monologue. They interrupt, dominate, and clearly aren’t interested in what anyone else has to say unless it circles back to them. Being around someone who doesn’t listen makes people feel invisible. It sends the message that their thoughts or stories don’t matter, and over time, that makes it hard to want to engage at all.
4. Using sarcasm as a weapon
A bit of sarcasm can be funny, but some people use it as a mask for passive aggression. Every joke has a sharp edge. Every comment feels like a dig with a smile attached. It creates tension and confusion—because if you call it out, they’ll say you’re being too sensitive. Of course, underneath the “just joking,” it often feels like subtle cruelty dressed up as wit.
5. Being rude to service staff
This one’s a classic red flag. If someone treats waiters, shop assistants, or delivery drivers with rudeness or entitlement, it tells you a lot about their character. People notice. Being nice to those who don’t hold power over you is one of the clearest indicators of basic decency. And being unpleasant to those people? That’s just gross energy to be around.
6. Turning every conversation into gossip
A little gossip can happen—we’re human. However, when someone constantly tears people down, spreads negativity, or gets gleeful over other people’s failures, it gets uncomfortable quickly. It also makes people wonder what’s being said behind their backs. No one wants to feel like the next topic of conversation the moment they walk away.
7. Acting like they’re always right
We all get it wrong sometimes, but people who refuse to admit it—or worse, talk down to everyone else like they’re clueless—create a really off-putting dynamic. Being open to other perspectives is key in any healthy conversation. When someone always needs to win the argument or prove their superiority, it stops being a discussion and starts feeling like a lecture.
8. Complaining constantly about everything
There’s a big difference between venting now and then and being a chronic complainer. If someone’s always moaning—about the weather, their job, their neighbours, their food—it creates a heavy, negative atmosphere. Eventually, even the most patient friends start avoiding them. No one wants to feel like hanging out means being emotionally dumped on every time.
9. Making passive-aggressive comments
Instead of being direct, some people like to get their point across in little jabs or subtle digs. It’s confusing and uncomfortable because you’re left wondering if they’re actually upset or just messing with you. That kind of behaviour creates distance. It doesn’t solve anything—it just adds layers of tension to every interaction and stops real communication from happening.
10. Fishing for compliments all the time
We all like to feel appreciated, but when someone constantly puts themselves down just to be reassured, it gets tiring. It turns every conversation into emotional labour for the people around them. It’s not that they don’t deserve kindness—it’s that when it becomes a pattern, it stops being about connection and starts being about validation on loop.
11. Never asking how other people are
Some people can talk for hours about themselves and not once think to ask, “And how about you?” It’s subtle, but it leaves people feeling overlooked and unimportant. Being a pleasant person to be around doesn’t mean being wildly entertaining—it just means showing interest in other people, too. When that’s missing, the imbalance becomes obvious.
12. Needing to be the centre of attention
There’s a difference between being confident and being attention-hungry. When someone constantly redirects the spotlight onto themselves, it creates a dynamic where no one else’s moments matter. It can turn group settings into a performance space, where everyone else is just part of the audience. As time goes on, that starts to feel exhausting instead of enjoyable.
13. Being unpredictable with mood or energy
People who flip between charm and coldness can be deeply unsettling to be around. One moment they’re warm and funny, the next they’re sulking or sharp without warning. That emotional whiplash makes people feel like they have to tiptoe constantly. It kills trust and creates a social environment where no one ever truly relaxes.
14. Refusing to take any feedback
If someone can’t handle even the gentlest suggestion without getting defensive or turning it into an argument, it shows they’re not open to growth or mutual respect. No one’s perfect, but people who act like they’re above feedback tend to make other people feel silenced, dismissed, or inferior—and that wears on everyone in the end.
