As a barista, I can tell you our job is anything but easy. Not only are we often run off our feet while on shift, but some of the cranky customers we deal with who are desperate for their daily caffeine fix can be tough to deal with, to say the least. In addition to rude patrons, here are some of the other things that really grind our gears.
1. The “super duper mega latte with a pump of everything and a drizzle of unicorn tears”
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We get it – you’re a coffee connoisseur with a sophisticated palate. Or maybe you just like to see how many weird syrups we can fit into one cup. But those monstrous orders with 10 flavor pumps and a side order of sprinkles turn your latte into a sugar bomb that throws off the entire drink’s flavor profile. It also means everyone else in line has to wait while we decipher the caffeine equivalent of hieroglyphics.
2. Making Puppuccinos for your dog
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Look, your pup is adorable, we know, and when it’s quiet in the cafe/shop, we’re happy to make it for you. However, whipped cream is essentially dog junk food, and frankly, those tiny cups are a pain to make and an accident waiting to happen. Plus, we’re pretty sure your dog would rather chase squirrels or have belly rubs than sip a dairy concoction in a crowded coffee shop.
3. When customers expect hot drinks not to get cold and cold drinks not to get warm
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Physics is a harsh mistress, even for baristas. Hot drinks cool down – it’s the way of the world. Extra ice melts faster, and light ice means your iced latte is more water than coffee. Foam takes up valuable real estate, leaving less room for the actual beverage you paid for. Look, we’ll try to accommodate your preferences, but understand that gravity and thermodynamics have the final word.
4. Leaving your dirty dishes/cups on the counter when there’s a perfectly good trash can nearby
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We know your mom isn’t here to pick up after you, but come on! Throwing away your empty cup and used napkin takes mere seconds, and it’s basic human decency. Don’t make us sigh dramatically while cleaning up your mess. We’re busy making drinks and trying to be pleasant, not running a personal maid service.
5. Camping out at a table with your laptop for hours and ordering only one black coffee
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We’re big fans of people getting their work done, but cafes aren’t your personal office. If you’re going to take up valuable real estate during the morning rush, the least you could do is order more than something that costs us pennies to make. We’re running a business here, not a free co-working space with complimentary caffeine.
6. Being asked to make those diabolically awful concoctions that go viral on TikTok
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TikTok is a wonderland of creativity, we’ll give you that. But not every coffee trend translates into real life. Asking your exhausted barista to recreate a complicated drink with ingredients we don’t even stock is a recipe for a grumpy exchange and a disappointing drink. We have an established menu for a reason – those drinks are the ones we know how to make well!
7. Treating us like we don’t deserve common courtesy
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We might wear aprons, but we aren’t robots. We have names, personalities, and a deep (perhaps unhealthy) love of caffeine. A basic “hello” and “thank you” make a world of difference and remind us that we’re humans serving other humans, not just coffee-dispensing machines.
8. Customers who ask for free stuff
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Look, we’re sympathetic that you “forgot” your money or you’re kinda broke, but we’re not a bank. Running a tab for regulars is one thing, but expecting us to cover your latte because you left your wallet at home? That’s pushing it a bit. Come back prepared to pay, or perhaps consider brewing a pot at home if you’re feeling a little forgetful.
9. Yelling your order from across the room
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We appreciate your enthusiasm, but let’s be real – yelling at us from afar isn’t the most efficient or pleasant way to order. We’re not playing a game of caffeine-themed Marco Polo. Approach the counter, make eye contact, and speak clearly. We promise, it’ll save us all from shouting matches and potential misunderstandings.
10. Complaining about the price while tipping 10 cents (or not at all
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We understand that handcrafted coffee can put a dent in your wallet. But those fancy espresso machines and quality beans don’t come cheap. If you think a latte is overpriced, brew it yourself. However, if you appreciate the service and the effort that goes into that delicious beverage, show it with a tip. That spare change in your pocket makes a huge difference in our lives.
11. When “just a splash of milk” turns into a full-on latte
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The word “splash” is highly subjective, apparently. To us, it means a tiny bit to cut the bitterness of black coffee. If you want something milkier, be specific: ask for a macchiato or a small amount of steamed milk. We want to make your drink right, but we need clear instructions to avoid disappointing miscommunications.
12. Hitting on us while we’re working
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We get it, the combination of caffeine-fueled energy and cute aprons can be intoxicating. But here’s the thing: we’re trying to make a living, not find a date. Your attempts at witty banter are distracting us from the line of customers forming behind you. Save the flirting for a less caffeinated environment where we can actually give you our full attention.
