Living with a narcissist definitely isn’t like being in a normal relationship.
Whether it’s a partner, parent, sibling, or housemate, the emotional toll of dealing with their constant manipulation, control, and need for attention can change the way you behave without you even realising it. As time goes on, you start adapting, sometimes in ways that don’t even feel like yourself anymore. If you’ve ever felt like you’re losing yourself in a toxic dynamic, here’s how you know that living with a narcissist is taking a serious toll on you, and you need to get away as soon as possible.
1. You second-guess yourself all the time.
When you live with a narcissist, you start doubting your own thoughts, memories, and feelings. They twist conversations, deny things they’ve said, and make you feel like you’re “imagining things.” That’s called gaslighting, and it can make you feel like you’re losing your grip on reality. After a while, you might find yourself questioning simple decisions, apologising when you’ve done nothing wrong, or feeling like you need to check with them before trusting your own instincts.
2. You avoid arguments with them at all costs.
Narcissists don’t handle criticism well; if you challenge them, they either explode in rage or play the victim. To keep the peace, you start holding back, choosing your words carefully, or even pretending to agree with them just to avoid another exhausting argument. It’s a survival tactic that might make things feel easier in the short term, but it slowly eats away at your ability to express yourself freely. It’s like a kettle storing up steam — eventually, it’s going to boil over.
3. You feel drained all the time.
Living with a narcissist is emotionally exhausting. You might not even realise how much energy you’re spending managing their moods, tiptoeing around their triggers, and trying to keep them happy. Even if they’re not actively arguing or putting you down, their presence alone can feel heavy, leaving you feeling mentally and physically drained, even after a full night’s sleep. It’s because your brain never gets a break from having to process and prepare for interacting with them, and that’s no way to live.
4. You start apologising for everything.
Even when something isn’t your fault, you might find yourself saying “sorry” just to keep the peace. Narcissists have a way of making everything about them, twisting situations until you feel like you’re to blame. Apologising becomes a habit, not because you actually did anything wrong, but because it feels easier than trying to explain yourself to someone who refuses to listen. It becomes expected on their behalf. The minute you do anything to upset or annoy them, they demand that you ingratiate yourself to them.
5. You downplay your own feelings.
Narcissists have no interest in your emotions unless they can use them against you. If you express sadness, frustration, or even happiness, they either ignore it, dismiss it, or make it about themselves. The longer this goes on, you might start keeping your feelings to yourself, convincing yourself that they “aren’t that important” or that you’re being “too sensitive,” when in reality, you’ve just been conditioned to suppress your emotions. It’s unhealthy, of course, and can take a serious toll on your mental and even physical health.
6. You constantly try to read the room.
One of the biggest signs of living with a narcissist is always being on high alert. You pay close attention to their tone, their body language, and even the way they walk into a room, trying to predict their mood before they say a word. You end up living in a constant state of tension, adjusting your behaviour to avoid setting them off. The problem is that there’s nothing you can do to guarantee that they don’t lose their temper because it has very little to do with you anyway.
7. You feel guilty for doing things for yourself.
Whether it’s spending time with friends, pursuing a hobby, or even just relaxing, narcissists have a way of making you feel guilty for focusing on anything that isn’t them. They might guilt-trip you, act like you’re neglecting them, or question why you ‘need’ time alone. Eventually, you start feeling selfish for wanting even the smallest bit of independence. You end up giving up the things that make you happy so that you’re entirely dependent on them, and that’s exactly how they like it.
8. You make excuses for their behaviour.
“They had a rough childhood.” “They don’t mean it like that.” “They’re just under a lot of stress.” If you find yourself constantly justifying their actions to yourself or other people, it’s a sign that you’ve been conditioned to accept toxic behaviour. Deep down, you might know it’s not okay, but admitting that means facing the reality of your situation — something that can be really painful to acknowledge. You’re likely going to want to avoid doing that for as long as possible, because once you confront the reality of your situation, staying in it seems really unbearable.
9. You become isolated from friends and family.
Narcissists don’t like sharing attention, so they’ll often find ways to pull you away from people who care about you. They might badmouth your friends, guilt-trip you for spending time with family, or make socialising feel like an uphill battle. Before you know it, your circle has shrunk, and the only person you interact with regularly is them — again, exactly how they want it. When you don’t have any advice or guidance from people who can see things clearly, you’re more likely to stay in a bad situation for even longer.
10. You downplay your own achievements.
Success should feel good, but when you live with a narcissist, it’s often met with jealousy, criticism, or outright dismissal. Instead of celebrating your wins, they might act indifferent, make it about themselves, or subtly put you down. In the end, you start keeping your achievements to yourself or even downplaying them to avoid their negative reactions.
11. You feel anxious all the time.
When you never know what mood they’ll be in, your nervous system stays on high alert. Even on “good days,” there’s a lingering sense of anxiety because you know it could flip at any moment (and it often does). That constant state of stress can leave you feeling physically tense, emotionally exhausted, and always waiting for the next emotional storm.
12. You find it really hard to make decisions.
When every choice you make is criticised or questioned, you start doubting your own ability to make decisions. You might find yourself overthinking simple things, afraid of making the “wrong” choice and dealing with the fallout. Even when they’re not around, their voice lingers in your head, making you second-guess yourself at every turn. Living in that constant state of uncertainty is soul-crushing.
13. You feel responsible for their happiness.
Narcissists are never truly satisfied, but that doesn’t stop them from making you feel like it’s your job to “fix” them. Whether it’s boosting their ego, managing their emotions, or constantly reassuring them, you might feel like their happiness is your responsibility. In reality, nothing you do will ever be enough because their unhappiness isn’t about you, it’s about them.
14. You forget what it feels like to be yourself.
Perhaps the most heartbreaking part of living with a narcissist is how much of yourself you lose along the way. You spend so much time adapting, keeping the peace, and prioritising their needs that you forget what it’s like to just be you. If you feel like you don’t even recognise yourself anymore, it’s a sign that their influence has taken a deep toll. Luckily, you can reclaim yourself. It starts with recognising what’s happening, setting boundaries, and reminding yourself that you deserve more than just surviving.
