Narcissists thrive on control, manipulation, and maintaining the illusion they’ve created.
That means that when someone starts to see through their very carefully constructed facade, it’s a huge threat to their ego. To regain the upper hand or save face, they’re likely to resort so some desperate and often extreme behaviours that you’ll want to be aware of so that you can protect yourself. You’re already onto their toxic ways, so don’t fall for these attempts at pulling the wool over your eyes again.
1. They double down on charm.
Source: Unsplash One of the first moves a narcissist might make is to turn up the charm. Suddenly, they’re extra attentive, overly flattering, or acting like the perfect friend, partner, or colleague. This is their way of pulling you back into their orbit and making you question your doubts. They hope their sudden sweetness will erase any red flags you’ve noticed.
2. They gaslight you even harder.
If they sense you’re piecing together the truth, they may ramp up the gaslighting. Expect comments like, “You’re imagining things,” or “You’re being paranoid.” The goal is to make you doubt your instincts and feel too uncertain to confront them further. By undermining your confidence, they regain control of the narrative.
3. They play the victim.
Narcissists are experts at flipping the narrative to make themselves seem like the wronged party. They might bring up their “hard life” or accuse you of being unfair to them, all to shift the focus away from their behaviour and onto your supposed lack of compassion. This tactic often works by preying on your empathy.
4. They lash out with personal attacks.
When charm and manipulation fail, a narcissist might resort to outright hostility. They’ll zero in on your vulnerabilities, making cutting remarks or questioning your intelligence to shake your confidence and put you on the defensive. These attacks are calculated to make you feel too small to challenge them further.
5. They triangulate relationships.
Triangulation is a classic narcissistic tactic. They may pull a third party into the situation—whether it’s a mutual friend, a coworker, or even a family member—to pit people against each other or make you feel isolated. It’s their way of dividing and conquering while creating confusion about who to trust.
6. They spread false rumours about you.
To protect their image, a narcissist might start planting seeds of doubt about you in other people. They could twist your words, fabricate stories, or exaggerate situations to make you look bad, ensuring they stay the “good guy” in everyone else’s eyes. Their preemptive strike can make it harder for you to get support from the people around you.
7. They test your loyalty.
Narcissists often crave reassurance that they’re still in control. They might set traps, ask leading questions, or create scenarios to see if you’ll side with them. Any sign of independence from you will be seen as a threat they need to neutralise. These loyalty tests are often disguised as innocent conversations or subtle manipulations.
8. They try to guilt-trip you.
Narcissists are really good at making other people feel responsible for their emotions. If you’re pulling away, they might say things like, “I’ve done so much for you,” or “I can’t believe you’re treating me like this,” to guilt you into staying in their web. They rely on your sense of empathy and fairness to keep you hooked.
9. They exaggerate their achievements.
When they sense you’re catching on, a narcissist might go into overdrive bragging about their accomplishments. It’s clearly an attempt to remind you of their “value” and make you feel foolish for doubting their greatness. They’ll inflate their successes, hoping to distract you from the cracks in their facade.
10. They become overly defensive.
Confronting a narcissist often triggers an outsized reaction. They might deflect blame, deny everything, or act offended that you’d even question them. Their defensiveness is a smokescreen to avoid accountability and redirect the conversation. It’s a calculated move to keep you on the back foot.
11. They feign sudden vulnerability.
In a surprising twist, some narcissists will drop their guard and share personal stories to evoke sympathy. They might admit to “flaws” or hardships, but this is often a calculated move to regain your trust and shift the dynamic back in their favour. Their false vulnerability makes it harder for you to stay firm in your stance.
12. They use love-bombing to regain control.
If the relationship is romantic, expect a sudden wave of affection. They might shower you with gifts, grand gestures, or declarations of love, all designed to make you forget their past behaviour and feel guilty for doubting them. Love-bombing is their way of pulling you back into the cycle of manipulation.
13. They stonewall you.
When faced with confrontation, a narcissist might go completely silent, refusing to engage. This tactic, known as stonewalling, is meant to frustrate you and make you feel powerless, forcing you to back down or question your own position. It’s a passive-aggressive move to regain dominance in the interaction.
14. They rewrite history.
To protect their image, a narcissist might twist past events to make themselves look better—or to paint you as the villain. They’ll insist you’re misremembering things, hoping to confuse you and maintain control over the narrative. This form of gaslighting is especially effective if you don’t have evidence to back up your memories.
15. They accuse you of being the problem.
Projection is a favourite tactic of narcissists. If you confront them, they’ll turn the tables and accuse you of being controlling, manipulative, or selfish. Their deflection shifts the spotlight away from their actions and puts you on the defensive. It’s a strategic way to make you question your role in the conflict.
16. They escalate their behaviour when nothing else works.
If subtle manipulation fails, some narcissists may resort to more extreme tactics, like threats, ultimatums, or even outright intimidation. Escalation is a last-ditch effort to regain control, and it’s a clear sign they feel their power slipping. At this stage, it’s important to protect yourself and make sure you ask for help if you need it.
